Page 2 of Becoming Ben

Ben nods happily, his color slowly returning to normal. “We’ve been friends forever. There’s no reason to stop being friends just because we couldn’t stay married. Sherri is a great person, and I love Mitch. I’m glad he’s part of the family.”

Just as Ben is proving he’s either extremely well-adjusted or absolutely unhinged, someone who can only be Hank’s husband glides up behind Ben, wraps his arms around him, and kisses the top of his head before resting his chin on it. He must be approaching seven feet in his heels. The lovely teal sequin dress he’s wearing is as gorgeous as Mandy said it was. Also, now that he’s closer, I realize that I know him.

“Isn’t Ben just the sweetest?” The new arrival purrs at me. He extends a languid hand, and I don’t know whether to shake or kiss it. “I’m Lee, and I had to come introduce myself. I know I haven’t seen you around these parts.” His western drawl is exaggerated for effect. “But now that I’m closer, I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen you somewhere before.” He winks at me flirtatiously, but there is a sharp look in his eyes that says he’s trying to place me.

I’m suddenly finding it a little hard to breathe. I’ve come to terms with my past, but it always makes me a little shaky when it confronts me out of the blue. “I’m Trey,” I say, shaking his hand. “I believe we met in Denver about five, six years ago.”

Mandy chimes in again. “See, I told you his dress was awesome,” she tells me. “I love that dress,” she tells Lee. “I wonder if they make it in short and round, too. This is Trey; he’s my date. Actually, he’s my best friend, but I wasn’t sure if I’d need date-type protection for this thing, so I told him he had to be mine.”

“Oh, sugar,” Lee laughs a deep, rich laugh. “You have too many uncles here to worry about protection. You and Trey just have a good time, and next time I’m down your way, we’ll go dress shopping together. It’ll be fun!” He looks toward me, and his voice takes a more serious tone. “I’m glad to see you again, Trey. I remember where we met now. You look like you’re doing a lot better than the last time I met you. Have fun!”

Lee unwraps himself from Ben and sways across the yard toward his husband, who looks adoringly at him and reaches out to pull him into his side as soon as he’s close enough to touch. We all watch him go, and then Ben looks at me with a fierceness that wasn’t there before.

“Lee is my adopted nephew’s husband, and he’s wonderful,” he starts, and I realize that he’s warning me not to say anything unkind. It brings a broad, genuine grin to my face.

“I met Lee years ago when I was in a tough spot,” I tell him. “He was there when I needed help, and I appreciated him a lot. I’m thrilled to see how well he’s doing and how happy he looks.” Lee volunteered at the shelter I stayed in while I was getting clean and getting my GED, but that doesn’t seem like good wedding small talk, so I keep that part to myself. I love that Ben got protective, though. I already had a good feeling about him, and that just makes me like him more.

People are dancing and eating all around us, and the party is in full swing. Mandy drags her dad off to the dance floor and warns me I’m next. I watch them for a little bit, laughing with each other and obviously enjoying each other’s company, and I’m a little envious. I’m also very happy for my friend. Supportive, affectionate families always give me a touch of envy, but I’m glad and not at all surprised that she is so loved.

Their dance over, Ben and Mandy head back to me, and then it’s my turn to try to match Mandy’s unending energy on the dance floor. I love dancing, and I love Mandy, so it’s an easy ask. When we take a break several songs later to eat some of the great food that’s laid out, we end up finding a spot at a table with Ben again, and I try to shake off the little ripple of awareness that his nearness causes in me.Daddy, Trey, remember?

3

Ben

I’m having a great time. I’m so glad that I came. Several of my friends were shocked that I was even considering it, and a few were concerned that I would be miserable. I don’t know why. I’m having a great time dancing with Mandy, Lee, and other guests. I’m not great at it, but nobody seems to mind. The food is incredible, everyone is happy, and often, when I come back to the table to eat, drink, or take a break, Trey is there. As good of a time as I’m having with everyone, I have to admit, at least to myself, that one of the reasons I’m glad I came was that I got to meet him.

Our conversation has been very light; I told him I’m an accountant, and he told me he’s working on his master’s degree in clinical psychology. Just the usual light chit-chat that you make at parties. Every time our eyes meet, though, I get just a little tingle. Sherri and Mitch did the cake-cutting a few minutes ago, so the cupcakes are fair game now. I’ve been looking forward to those since I saw them in the kitchen earlier.

“I’m going to go get a cupcake,” I tell Trey and Mandy as I get up. “Would you like me to get some for you?”

I stand waiting for their answer before I walk away from the table, and my hand settles on Trey’s shoulder, seemingly of its own accord. I’ve always been a casual toucher and a hugger, so it’s not really out of character for me. The reaction my body has to the contact, though, is something I’ve never felt before. It feels exactly like I imagine touching a live wire would feel: shocking, electrifying, and like I can’t let go. I feel Trey do a full-body shiver under my hand, and I wonder if he feels the weird charge, too.

Trey clears his throat before saying, “Yes, please, that would be great.”

Mandy is looking at me with her head tilted to the side like I did something strange. “Yes, Dad, thanks,” she finally answers.

I drop my hand from Trey’s shoulder, and it slides down his upper arm without any conscious direction from my brain. My fingers tingle all the way to the dessert table.

When I return with the cupcakes, Sherri and Mitch are there, talking with Mandy and Trey. Mandy and Sherri are hugging and sniffly, but after 24 years, I can tell happy tears from other kinds, so I’m not worried. Trey and Mitch both look just a little uncomfortable, and that makes me grin.

“Hi, Mitch! Congratulations!” I tell the groom. “This is a great wedding. It really feels like you and Sherri. Everyone is having a great time.”

Mitch pulls me in for a hug while Trey gives us a quizzical look. He must be another one who just doesn’t understand how I can be truly happy for them and how Mitch and I can get along.

“I’m glad you came, Ben. It was important to all of us to have you here today.”

“I’m glad too. I love seeing you guys happy and catching up with all the family. Now that we’re all living in the same area again, we need to get together and grill or something, maybe hike. You probably know lots of good trails that I haven’t even heard of yet.” I turn to Trey, wanting to include him in the conversation. “Do you hike, Trey? I like to get out with my dogs at least a couple of times a week. I have to get away from my computer screen to stay sane.”

Trey still has a slightly confused look on his face, but he gamely joins the conversation. “I really like hiking. I do gym time a couple of days a week and try to get outside a couple of other days. I don’t usually have much workout time, and hiking outside doubles as nature therapy for me.”

“Right?” Mitch answers. “There’s nothing like being outside to help even you out and put things in perspective. I’ll get ahold of you when we get back from our honeymoon, Ben, and we can all do one of the great trails I know. You’re welcome, too, Trey. The more the merrier.”

A slow song comes on, and Mitch and Sherri give each other a look and drift toward the dance floor. I watch them go with only a warm sense of rightness. The last little part of me that was worried about feeling jealousness or envy breathes a sigh of relief. I turn to ask Mandy if she wants to dance with her old man, but she’s already dragging Trey to the dance floor. Watching them does bring me a little uncomfortable tightness in my chest, but I don’t understand why.

I settle in to eat my cupcake, and my nephew Sam shows up with one of his buddies from work to chat. “Where’s your better half, Sam?” I ask him, referring to his husband, Paul. “I haven’t seen him yet.”

“He’s doing a rotation at the hospital in Cheyenne this weekend. He offered to switch the schedule, but I know he wants to finish up the last of his training as quickly as he can. The guidance counselor position at the high school is coming open, and he wants his training finished so he can apply. He only has another week or so of shifts at the hospital and a set of finals to be done. I’m really proud of him, and I think he’d be great at that job. Someone like him is just what the kids need.”

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