Page 4 of Hearing Hank

“Well, you know me!” I grin at him. “Parties are what I’m best at.”

I resolve to throw Paul the wedding he’s always wanted without stressing him out about the details. I really do like throwing parties, and it should be a lot of fun. I also silently resolve to find out more about Hank and see if maybe I can’t convince him to swing over my way.

5

Hank

Well,thatwasembarrassing.I wonder if I’m just destined to make a fool of myself in front of Lee every time I see him. That should make the next couple of weeks awesome. He’s going to be staying on the ranch, and if I don’t figure out how to quit tripping over my feet and running into goats, I’m going to spend the entire time bright red. He sure is hot though. I didn’t want to let him up when he was laying on top of me. My arms wanted to wrap themselves around him and not let go. That would have freaked him out, though. I’m going to have to do my best to avoid him while he’s here. It’s absolutely time to drive into a city and see about hooking up.

I continue to talk shit to myself as I head to town. We need some supplies from the feed store, and usually, Wyatt goes, but he’s got some work to do with a new horse, so it’s my turn. Going to town is always an adventure for me. No one physically picks on me anymore, not since I reached my full height and got the shoulder spread to go with it, but I remember it every time I go to town. I know I need to work on reframing how I think about Shafter Falls, but it’s a lot.

I park in front of the feed store and grab one of the flat carts they have. I know the feed store like the back of my hand, so it takes me no time at all to get all the things on our list. I head for checkout and I’m relieved to see that Roy is running the register. He’s one of the employees that has worked there for a while. He pulls out the charge book without me having to try and ask him. As he does I hear one of the guys who got into line behind me.

“Why does the retard get to charge Roy? You won’t let me charge on our ranch account.”

The guy’s buddy chortles, but Roy just looks irritated.

“Big Frankie said you weren’t allowed to charge anymore Frankie. He said he was tired of paying for your stuff.” Roy winks at me as I sign the charge slip. He’s a decent guy, and we both know there’s no point in arguing with Frankie. He’s been a completely worthless prick since high school.

My parents dragged me to Shafter Falls when I was 14. I don’t remember how many places we lived before that, but it was a lot. I was completely mute by the time we moved here and had been for years. I’m not sure why my parents had me, but it wasn’t because they wanted to raise a kid. Life was completely unpredictable while I was growing up. I never knew when we were going to eat, what my parents were going to do next, or even where we were going to live. My mother had some undiagnosed mental illness that caused massive mood swings in her. And, of course, undiagnosed also meant untreated. My dad loved her, I think. He just pretty much treated me like I didn’t exist. Like I was a pet she had dragged home that he didn’t want, and he was just hoping someday she’d get tired of me.

When my parents got the next wild idea and left Shafter Falls in my junior year, I decided not to go with them. I was done being a part of their chaos. There was my guidance counselor in high school, Mr. Benson, who was a godsend. He introduced me to Wyatt and got me the job on the ranch. He also talked my parents into signing over my guardianship to Wyatt until my eighteenth birthday. I’m not sure where I would have ended up without Mr. Benson, but I am eternally grateful for him seeing me, believing in me, and making it possible for me to stay.

Along with introducing me to Wyatt, one of the other amazing things Mr. Benson did for me was to help me get into the state college via their distance program. He had talked to the admissions office and explained my need for accommodation. I really enjoyed school, and even though I had no idea what I was going to do with it, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in environmental sciences. A couple of years ago I went back to school, mostly because I enjoyed the challenge and learning, and I was set to get my master’s degree in a few months. No one knew that I had even gone to college except Mr. Benson, not even Wyatt. I didn’t feel the need to make it a thing.

I roll the cart out and get to loading the supplies into my truck. Frankie and his buddy head out a few seconds later and Frankie shoulder-checks me as he goes by. I briefly consider just picking him up and throwing him into the windshield of his Daddy’s truck, but it seems like more trouble than he’s worth. I just roll my eyes behind his back and settle for being grateful that I don’t have to live his life.

One of the upsides of going to town on a Tuesday afternoon before school lets out is that I can stop by the library and usually it’s empty. Also, my favorite librarian works Tuesdays. I think Mrs. Wilson is in her late 70’s, but I’ve never asked. She’s sarcastic and funny, and one of the few people that I can talk to. I don’t know why, but chatting with her is just easy, and I look forward to it. I need a couple of books for school, and others just for fun. Sometimes I wonder what she thinks of the weird variety of things that I check out, but she seems judgmental.

Mrs. Wilson is checking out a patron as I walk in, so I drop my returns in the slot, nod to her and head for the stacks. The schoolbooks are fast and easy. I have a list and it only takes a few seconds to grab them. Then the fun part starts. I head for the fiction section and pick an aisle at random. Then I close my eyes and stick out my hand and pick two books. The only rule is that I can’t take something that I’ve already read. It looks like I’ve gotten some sort of historical romance, and a murder mystery. Perfect.

The next stop is the new releases table. I pick two that look interesting. One about the effect of social media on the economy, and another mystery. The area around the desk is clear when I get there, and Mrs. Wilson looks happy to see me.

“Well, if it isn’t my quietest customer,” she says with a grin. Unlike almost everyone else I know, Mrs. Wilson doesn’t shy away from mentioning my oddness. “What’s new with you?”

“I met a guy,” tumbles out of my mouth without permission from my brain. I actually start to slap my hand over my mouth before I realize how silly that would be. Predictably though, I can feel my face turning beet red.

“Ooooh!” Mrs. Wilson exclaims. “I’m not sure I’d know what to do with a man anymore. Come over and tell me all about it!”

It takes a second to get started like it always does, but soon the words are tumbling out of my mouth.

“He’s tall and built and gorgeous! And funny, and he didn’t lose his temper when the goat head-butted him and knocked him over. He’s Paul’s friend from Denver and he’s up here to help with the wedding. He’s going to be around the ranch for weeks, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll make a fool of myself every time I see him!”

Mrs. Wilson chuckles at me. “That’s the best kind, the ones that make you all clumsy and awkward. That’s how you know they’re worth the trouble. It’ll be fine, you’ll see. You’re pretty great yourself.”

“Yeah, except I can’t talk to him. That’s probably going to be a giant roadblock, don’t you think?”

“Well,” Mrs. Wilson says, “you can talk to me, can’t you? It’s not that your voice doesn’t work. I bet you can figure it out.”

I start to answer her, but a woman and her toddler come in through the double doors, and my voice dries up again. I nod my thanks at her and pack my books out to my truck. I sit and take a few deep breaths before I head for the ranch. Mrs. Wilson has a point. Maybe it’s time to work a little harder on the exercises my therapist gave me.

6

Leroy

Afterlunch,Iheadback to the ranch on my own. Paul has some homework to do for his college classes. I’m really proud of him for finishing his GED and pursuing his degree in social work. I am sure that he will do a wonderful job of advocating for people who need help.

Now that I’ve been to the ranch once it’s not hard to find. I can’t help looking around for Hank when I pull in, but I don’t see him. Heading into the house I bump into Wyatt who’s headed out.

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