Page 9 of Hearing Hank

“Papers?” Lee asks.

I have to take a deep breath again, but the words are coming out easier the longer he’s here. I’ve never put this much effort into trying to talk to someone, but so far it’s been very, very worth it.

“I’m working on my master’s degree online, and I’m actually almost done,” I tell him. I turn around and take the garlic bread out of the oven, and hold it with the hot pad so that I can slice it while it’s still hot. I’m starving.

“Oooo, what in? And also, how do you have time?” He pauses, looking thoughtful. “Do you need me to slow down on the questions? I’m not trying to make you talk if you’re not comfortable, I just want to know all the things.” He shrugs adorably, and I smile at him as I plate up the lasagna.

“I’ll let you know if I need to take a minute, but so far I’m having fun,” I tell him. I hand him a plate with a slab of lasagna on it, and gesture to the side dishes as I fill up my own plate. I ferry my beer and plate to the dining table in the corner of the kitchen and make another trip for two glasses of water and napkins. By the time I’m back with those, Lee has joined me at the table.

I take a couple of big bites of lasagna and consume the better part of a big piece of garlic bread to take the edge off the hunger before talking again. I notice that Lee is right there with me, and that makes me happy.

“I’m getting a master’s degree in environmental science. I’m not sure what I’ll ever use it for, but I’ve learned a lot of things that have come in handy around the ranch, and I enjoy school. You?” I ask before starting on my salad.

“I have a masters in statistics, which I have to tell you is not super marketable,” Lee says between bites. “Unless you want to teach, and I really, really don’t. I think teaching is an awesome profession, but it’s so not something I’d be good at.”

“What do you do then?”

“What I did was analyze data, but I lost my job when I chose to come help with the wedding. My manager didn’t like all this,” he gestures up and down his figure, referring to what I’m assuming is his makeup and outfit. He’s wearing a gauzy colorful top over a black tank top and he has some makeup on that makes his eyes pop. He was wearing skinny jeans that fit him perfectly, but he still looks really good in my sweatpants. Remembering he’s wearing my clothes turns me on a little bit, not gonna lie.

“Wait, so he fired you because you wanted time off? Was he homophobic?”

“Of course not,” Lee says, rolling his eyes so hard that they’re only whites for a second. “That totally wasn’t the reason at all that he denied my scheduled leave at the last minute.”

“That sucks, I’m sorry to hear that.” I’m glad I’m managing to keep this conversation going. I’ve almost stopped catastrophizing in my head. There’s probably not much that’s going to happen tonight that’s more potentially embarrassing than cumming all over my dinner guest before I so much as offer him a drink.

Lee shrugs. “Wyatt says he has some friends that might need the kind of analysis that I do. Maybe it will all work out for the better. The situation at my old job was going to come to a head anyway, so at least I left on a high note.”

I ask him what he means as I collect our empty plates and stick them quickly in the dishwasher. As he describes the scene he intentionally made when he quit, I have to smile. I grab two more beers out of the fridge when I stick the leftover lasagna in, and gesture toward the pass-thru to the living room.

Lee hovers for a second until I take a seat on “my” end of the couch and then he folds his legs under him and snuggles up right next to me. I get a wave of warmth all over my body as he connects with my entire side. Best feeling ever.

12

Lee

AsIsnuggleintoHank on the couch, I kind of can’t believe how good he makes me feel. It’s obviously taking an effort for him to talk to me, but he is, and even better, he’s listening. He tells me all about college and why he loves environmental science, and I tell him all about my life in Denver, my great family, and how much I admire the life my mom has built herself. My mom saw the potential of the internet for marketing way before it was popular, and she built a company selling those marketing services. She sold it several years ago, and I’m really proud of her and all she’s accomplished.

Hank listens as I talk about my family, and I can tell that he’s interested, but he’s got a tense look on his face. When I ask him what’s going on he just looks down and shakes his head, so I’m guessing the subject of family is one that’s going to take some time for him to talk about. I lean into him and press my lips to his to wipe the unhappy look off his face, and he responds easily, opening and leaning in like we’ve been kissing each other for years.

I practically crawl into his lap, and we get lost in just kissing and being together. I feel swamped by the waves of emotion that being with Hank is causing in me. I pull back and look into his face and see the overwhelm and confusion that I’m feeling mirrored there. I’ve never had a date or hookup feel this intense, and I’m guessing from the look on his face that he hasn’t either.

Talking and getting to know each other has taken us well into the evening, and both of us have responsibilities in the morning. I’m tempted to stay, and I’m sure that he would let me, but I’m not sure what this is, or even what I want it to be, so I tell Hank that I think it’s my bedtime.

I watch as he swallows and breathes deeply, but he manages to tell me that he’ll walk me back up to the house.

“You don’t have to, but I’d love the company,” I say. “Also, I wanted you to know that I can see how hard you’re trying and I really appreciate the effort you’re putting in to talk to me.”

Hank gives me half a smile, “It’s good for me,” he answers. “I need to make myself practice more than I do. And I like talking to you.”

We put our shoes on and Hank takes my hand for the walk back to the main house. I’m glad because I don’t feel like I’m ready to let go of him. I’m a little worried that I’ll never want to let go of him again, and that’s never been my style. After a couple more slow kisses on the front porch, I head inside and float through my before-bed routine. I snuggle into my pillow thinking about how good Hank felt against me, and I’m asleep in no time.

I wake up feeling amazing. Everything seems right with the world. Unfortunately, the more I think about why I feel so good, the more worried I get about how good I feel. Last night Hank made it pretty clear when he was talking about his classes and degrees that the land here was important to him. I’m afraid that the way I feel this morning means that he is already too important to me. In the shower, I take some deep breaths and remind myself that I had a great time last night, and there’s no point in worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. I’m going to enjoy my vacation/wedding planning and enjoy my time with Hank too.

Paul and I are supposed to go shopping and talk to Miss Leeanne about making the wedding cake. Paul decides that he wants her to do it, and we’re going to talk about what she can do, and what he wants together. Also, I’m looking forward to spending more time with him. I’ve really missed him since he moved here. I didn’t really realize what a vital friend he was until he wasn’t right there anymore.

As I head down the steps to my car, I look for Hank but he’s not in sight. The letdown I experience for not getting to tell him goodbye before a simple trip to town raises all kinds of red flags in my head. I turn up the stereo for the short drive to Paul’s house and let the music even my mood back out.

I texted Paul before I left Wyatt’s so he’s on the front porch waiting for me.

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