Page 7 of Hearing Hank

I love Paul with all my heart, and Sam is rapidly growing on me too, but it hurts just a little in the middle of my chest to be around such a happy couple. I want that in my life. And just like that Hank’s face swims through my mind.

“Hey guys, come eat this while it’s still hot. Also, I have a question for you.”

Sam and Paul come into the kitchen as one unit joined at the hip. Paul’s hair is significantly messier than when I left them a few minutes ago.

I put plates down on the table just as Paul asks me, “What’s up?”

“It’s about Hank,” I say as I sit down. “Every time I talk to him he blushes and runs away, and I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, or if that’s just the way he is. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable at work, and I swear I’m not hitting on him. I’m just not sure if I should ignore him or give him space or what. I’d ask him, but obviously, that’s not going to go well. And I’d really, really like to hit on him, but obviously, I can’t do that if just talking is out of the question.”

“Wow,” Paul says, swallowing a bite of pizza. “That was a lot of words. Also, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Hank act like that except with you. He didn’t talk to me the first several times I was around him, but I never got the turn-red-and-run-away treatment like you did. Sam?”

Sam chews his pizza with a thoughtful look on his face. He washes the bite down with a drink of his beer before he answers. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him do that to anyone. That is strange. I can ask him what’s going on if you’d like.”

“That’s not a bad idea. I’d definitely like to know what I’m doing wrong,” I say with a mouthful of dinner. “I’m pretty sure it’s not the gay thing, and I really don’t get the feeling that it’s the black thing either.”

Paul and Sam get identical shocked looks on their face. I can tell that the idea never even occurred to them.

“There’s no way. That’s absolutely not who Hank is,” Sam says emphatically. Paul nods his head in agreement.

“Not sure what’s going on with him, but I’m sure it’s not that. Sam will talk to him and get to the bottom of it,” Paul says reassuringly.

“Since we’re on the subject, do you have any idea who Hank might be attracted to? I haven’t been hitting on him so far, but I’d sure like to,” I say.

“Now I’m just embarrassed,” Sam responds. “Hank’s been a part of that ranch and my life since I was 12 or 13. I should know that, but I don’t.”

The conversation moves on to finalizing the guest list and getting Sam and Paul’s preferences on cake flavors and food types so I can make good decisions for them without them being there. This is also when I learn about a small-town tradition I’ve never heard of before. Apparently, the entire community is invited to the reception. They’re keeping the ceremony small, but when it’s over they expect most of the town to show up to the party. It takes me a minute to wrap my head around it, and when I ask how I’m supposed to plan food for an unknown number of people, they laugh.

“Don’t worry,” says Sam. “Almost everyone who comes will bring food. We need to have a giant cake, and a couple of main dishes, but I promise, we will have more salads, side dishes, and appetizers than we can eat in a week.”

It kind of makes my inner control freak cringe a little, but I take them at their word and focus on having enough place settings and a big enough buffet table for all the food people will bring. With my lists further refined, I relax and enjoy the evening with my friends. I’m really having the best time so far.

9

Hank

Leespentalmostallday up on the porch, and I kept watching him out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn't quite bring myself to go up and talk to him. Just about the time I finished working for the day and gathered all of my resolve up, he got in his little blue car and drove away.

I trudged home, ate dinner standing over the kitchen sink, and now I’m sitting out on my porch steps drinking a beer and wishing I hadn’t missed my chance to talk to him today. About the time I’ve talked myself into heading for bed and trying again tomorrow, I see his car pull into the driveway to the ranch. I’m down the steps and headed for the main house before I’m even sure what I’m doing.

He drives right by me, and by the time I get to where he parks, he’s leaning against the car and waiting for me. The closer I get the more I feel my throat close up. This is so important to me, and I’m so frustrated that I can’t just tell him how I feel and what’s going on inside of me. I give up on talking, I can tell it’s not going to happen tonight, but there’s no way I’ve just going to turn around and run off again. Before my good sense can kick him, I walk up to him until there’s not even breathing space between us and press my lips against his. He stiffens when I first kiss him, but just as I’m going to die of embarrassment, he melts against me and kisses me back. I slide my hands up along his neck to hold his head in place and lick at the seam of his lips, looking for a deeper connection. His arms come up and wrap around my back as he opens for me, and it feels like there are fireworks going off in my chest.

This is the absolute best feeling I’ve felt in my life, and I can’t get enough of him, so when he puts a hand up to my chest to stop me, it takes me a second to realize what he wants. When I do, it feels like the world has ended. All of a sudden it occurs to me that maybe he didn’t want this, and by not being able to ask, I was forcing something that he might not be okay with. The idea is devastating, and results in an immediate panic attack. I can hear Lee saying something, but I can’t make out the words. All I know is that I have to get back to my house where it’s safe. And so I run off. Again.

When the next morning rolls around I drag myself out of bed feeling like I haven’t slept at all. I down two mugs of coffee before I even leave my house and fill up my thermos to take with me to do the morning chores. I almost text and tell Wyatt I’m sick, but the reason I feel like shit is my own fault, and I’d feel worse if he had to do my work today, so I don’t. I head for the barn to let the horses loose for the day so I can start cleaning stalls. I make sure the gates are all in the proper position, open the stall doors and gesture horses out toward the pasture. They’re used to the routine and go along with no trouble until I get to Daisy. She heads out the door with a noticeable limp, which I’m sure she didn’t have yesterday. I call her back and run my hands down her leg. There are no obvious problem spots, so I ask her to pick up her hoof. And there it is. At some point she picked up a stone and now her hoof pad has swollen around it and wedged it in place. It’s not dangerous if I get it out now, but it needs to happen sooner rather than later. I snap Daisy on a lead and bring her over to the corner where my tools are. I put on a heavy leather apron and have her put her foot in my lap. About the time I reach for the hoof pick, I hear a gentle voice behind my left shoulder.

“Can you tell me why you ran off last night?” Leroy asks. He doesn’t sound mad. He sounds curious, and a little sad. I focus on the not-mad part to keep my anxiety down. If I get nervous with Daisy’s hoof in my lap she’ll definitely pick up on it. I don’t look up at him, keeping my eye on what I’m doing with trying to pry the stone out of her hoof. For some reason, focusing on keeping calm for the horse makes it easier to get the words out.

“I thought that I did something you didn’t want me to, and I didn’t ask first.”

“Oh, Sugar,” Leroy laughs, and the sound sends a wave of relief through my body. “Believe me, there’s nothing I wanted more. I was just about to ask you to take me inside when you left. I thought I had done something wrong!”

I tip my head sideways to get a quick look at his face, and he looks relieved and amused in equal measure. I’m pretty sure he’s telling the truth, and I find that funnier than it probably actually warrants. I chuckle as I finally pop the stone out of Daisy’s hoof and give everything a quick look and feel to make sure that’s all she needed. When I’m sure she’s fine I turn her loose into the pasture and turn my attention back to Lee. Unfortunately, as soon as I make complete eye contact, I can feel my throat close up again. I’m not going to let it stop me, so I busy myself putting the apron and tools away so I can keep talking. “I have to work today. Dinner at my house?” It’s not exactly a graceful, eloquent invitation, but at least I managed to get it out. It doesn’t look like Lee is bothered by my abruptness. He smiles like my invitation was all he ever wanted.

“That sounds amazing, I’m looking forward to it. Should I bring anything?” he asks through his grin.

I just shake my head. I love yes or no questions. Lee moves to stand right in front of me and presses his lips up to mine. I reach up to hold him there, workday be damned, but he’s too fast for me. He slides out from under my hands with a grin, saying, “I’ll see you at 6 tonight, we both have work to do before that.”

I watch his ass sway back and forth as he walks away and think it’ll be a miracle if I get anything done today at all.

---