Page 7 of Protecting Paul

“Oh, yeah,” Sam nods. “Do you have some time to go over a few things and fill out some paperwork? It won’t take long. Just some formalities.”

“I’ve got all the time in the world,” I say. Sam gestures for me to follow him. I walk behind him and can’t help but take in the rest of him. I can see the muscles of his back through his uniform. My eyes flick down and settle on his ass. It’s certainly something.

He sits behind a desk and gestures for me to take a seat. I settle into the chair and glance at his desk. It’s cluttered with papers and his nameplate saysOfficer Sam Conroy.It’s a bit mind-boggling to see Sam as a cop.

He goes over the process to evict my uncle, having me provide some more information and fill a few things out. As I hand one of the papers back to him, his fingers slide against mine. He’s looking down at the paper, so I can’t make out his face. I tuck my hand in my lap. It’s tingling and the warmth from his hand lingers on my skin.

I feel like a teenager again, getting all riled up and giddy over something as simple as a hand touch. I still remember the first time we held hands. It’s incredibly vivid.

“Don’t leave me hanging,” Sam says to me with a smile, the dimples on his cheeks appearing. His hand is outstretched toward me, and I’m staring at it like an idiot. “Unless you don’t want to hold my hand.”

“No! It’s not that,” I say quickly, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “It’s just… we’re in public. Are you sure you want to be… obvious like that?”

“I don’t care,” he says, shrugging as if it’s nothing. Maybe that’s why people like him so much, he’s unabashedly himself and doesn’t care. “I just thought it would be nice, but it’s fine.”

He begins to pull his hand back, and I frantically reach over to take it. He smiles at me in the sweetest way, and my heart picks up speed. He twines his fingers in mine, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world. His hand is bigger than mine, and something about it makes me feel safe. I suddenly don’t care if anyone sees.

“That feels… nice,” I murmur and look at our hands. “You can do that whenever you want.”

“I’ll remember that,” he says, beaming at me as I look up from our hands. “You’ve signed up for a world of hand-holding, Boyd.”

“Okay, that should be everything for now,” Sam says after a moment. “I won’t keep you any longer than necessary.”

“Thanks, Sam,” I say gently. “It means a lot. I hope it’s not too much trouble for you… or a burden.”

“It’s not. It’s what I signed up for when I chose this career. Helping people isn’t a burden to me at all.”

I remember when he told me he signed up to be there for me. It was the first time I stayed at his house. I can still practically feel the presence of his warm, sleeping body next to me in his bed. I stayed up a little later than him that night just looking at how goddamn cute he was. I didn’t want to fall asleep and miss a second of the feeling of him next to me.

“Okay, well…” I stand up. I feel awkward, knowing I’m sitting here thinking about the intimate moments we shared together so long ago. “I’ll see you around?”

“It’s a small town.” He stands up and walks me out. “It’s hard not to see everyone you know around.”

“You’ve got that right,” I laugh softly.

We stand next to each other for a moment too long once we’re outside. Part of me doesn’t want to say goodbye, but part of me is also reeling from the emotions this has brought back. I finally speak up.

“See you later, Sam.”

He says goodbye, but he maintains eye contact as long as possible as he heads back inside. I don’t leave yet. I lean back against the wall of the police station, catching my breath. I didn’t know I would be seeing Sam, which was weird enough. The even weirder part was the feelings it gave me.

No one had ever been as kind or sweet to me as Sam. No one had ever made me laugh the way Sam did or feel so… cared for. I love all my friends in Denver, and I’ve had my share of boyfriends and hookups, but none of them really compare.

I still feel bad about the way I left things with Sam when I moved away. He was the one thing I knew I would miss about Shafter Falls. But at the time, I also knew I couldn’t take another moment of my father’s abuse. I wasn’t sure I could go through with it if I said goodbye to Sam, so I didn’t. I just got on a bus and left. I thought it would be easier that way.

Not that it matters, though, right? Sam’s grown-up now, and I doubt our teenage fling was anything more than that. Hell, maybe it was nothing more than a phase for him. He was in the military and he’s a small-town cop. I’m sure he’s not looking to dive back into a decades-old gay relationship that could change the way everyone in town sees him. Still, telling myself that is easier than believing it. My hand still tingles from where his fingers brushed against mine.

5

Sam

SeeingPaulsentmereeling. It’s all I’ve been thinking about it since it happened. I was still busy with Mrs. Jones’s case, but I spent a little extra time working on Paul’s situation. I was happy by the end of the day when I secured the eviction notice.

When I get home that night, there is a lot on my mind. It was an insane day, but I’m not upset about it. Seeing Paul again stirred up all kinds of feelings in me. As if it isn’t enough that he’s been on my minda lotthe past year, he’s now actually back.

The thing that bothers me most is that just like in the past, he’s dealing with something ugly. Even some of our sweetest memories are tainted by the looming presence of his father. His dad always hated me for obvious reasons, so when Paul said he was happy the guy was gone, I felt the exact same.

I want to reconnect with Paul in some way other than just dealing with his shitty, abusive family. I decide that tomorrow I’ll go over to his house after work. Hopefully, by then, I’ll also have good news about the eviction to bring him.

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