Page 28 of Protecting Paul

“Don’t start thinking like that,” Sanchez interrupts me. “You need a clear head, or we won’t figure this out. I know it’s hard, but think as positively as you can, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Paul’s strong. He wouldn’t go down without a fight. We can find him in time. We can. We have to.”

“I already called for backup,” Sanchez assures me, and it does make me feel the slightest bit better. “We’ll find them, Conroy. With your resolve and the rest of the force on our side, we’ll find them. You said it yourself. He’s strong. He’ll hold on until we can get there.”

“I’m going to try calling him again,” I say and stand up. My legs are still weak, but I have to do something productive. If I don’t busy myself, I’ll start crying, and I don’t want that. Crying won’t solve anything.

I call another five times. As I suspect, I get no answer. Every time I hear Paul asking me to leave a message, it’s like a knife twisting in my gut. All I want is to hear his voice assuring me he’s okay or, at the very least, giving me some way to help him.

“Hey,” Andrews interrupts my thoughts. “We have officers around town looking for any sign of them. Can you think of anywhere they could’ve gone?”

“No,” I say honestly. I’m distraught that I can’t help any more than this. I’m fucking useless right now. It’s the same way I felt as a kid when I couldn’t do more to help Paul. “I have my doubts Jerry would stay in town if he was planning on doing something to Paul. He’s dumb, but he’s not that dumb.”

“You think he headed out of town?” Andrews asks, and I nod. “Well… I can’t say that’s unfounded. He’s got time on his side, too. We have no clue how long they’ve been gone. We’ll put out an APB for all surrounding areas.”

“I… I have to do something,” I say, swallowing heavily as I walk toward my cruiser. “I’m heading out.”

“Wait, hold up.” Sanchez grabs my arm and stops me. “Where the hell are you going to go? We have no leads yet.”

“I can’t just stand here,” I say flatly, shaking his hand off of me. “I’ll pick a direction and patrol that way. Jerry would probably go toward the least populated area, right? I’ll head east. You can radio me if there are any developments.”

“Sam, we need you to stay in control.” Sanchez follows with me as I head for my cruiser. “You won’t be much use if you’re going crazy.”

“I won’t be much use staying here either, will I?” I snap, spinning around to glare at him. I’m taking my anger out on him, which isn’t fair, but I can’t stop. “I can’t let anything happen to him, Sanchez. I promised I’d protect him. If I can’t keep my word, what the fuck kind of man am I? I spent years unable to protect him, and I won’t let that happen again.”

“I can’t stop you, can I?” Sanchez asks with the deepest sigh possible. I shake my head. No one can stop me right now, not when Paul’s life is on the line. He can push me away as much as he wants, but that’ll never change the way I feel about him. “Then… be safe, alright? Don’t do anything stupid, and don’t get yourself killed.”

“I survived years in the service, Sanchez,” I say, offering a weak smile. “I can survive some bigoted asshole. Will you do me a favor?”

“Anything you need,” Sanchez agrees instantly. I’m incredibly grateful I have a partner like him.

“Tell my dad and Mark what’s going on. I’ll text you their numbers and address.” I grab my phone and do just that. “Let them know where I’m going but try to downplay it a little bit. I don’t want to lie to them, but I don’t want them to lose their minds, either.”

“Will do,” Sanchez says, patting me on the back. “I’ll do whatever I can to help you and him. I know he’s important to you.”

“That doesn’t begin to describe it.” As much as I’ve tried to keep it under wraps, I don’t care anymore. Sanchez is trustworthy and needs to know what’s on the line here. “I… Shit, I love him. I won’t let anything happen to him.”

“I know, buddy,” he says. I’m not surprised. Based on what Sanchez has told me, I’m sure the entire precinct knows by now. “Go on.”

I hop into my cruiser and peel out. I begin to head east. It’s the most remote route possible, with nothing but road for miles. That’s why I don’t have faith the APB will do much. It can’t hurt, obviously, but there are no towns this way for ages.

As I drive, it hits me what I told Sanchez. I finally admitted out loud that I love Paul. I’ve known it for a long time now, but I didn’t dare to say it out loud, even to myself. Sadly, it took Paul’s life being in danger for me to finally grow the balls to do it.

When I see him, I won’t hold back anymore. I’ll save his life, get justice for Jerry, then tell him how I feel. He may not want to hear it, but I can’t keep living a lie anymore. I’m hopelessly in love with him. It’s a fact at this point. I don’t care if he feels the same way. He needs to know. I love him, and I’ll go anywhere he wants to be with him. They need cops in Denver too.

“Hold on, Paul,” I murmur to myself. The tears I’ve been holding in come, sliding down my cheeks in warm rivets. I wipe them away quickly so I can see the road ahead. “I’m coming for you. I’ll keep my promise.”

16

Paul

Iblinkslowly,groaningas I wake up. My head is throbbing like crazy, worse than any migraine I’ve ever had. I reach up to rub the back of my head but yank my hand away in pain. I look down at my fingers and see red smeared all over them.

“What the fuck….” I mumble as my eyes adjust to the bright sunshine streaming in through the windows. I feel the bump of a car which sends sharp pain throughout my body with every movement.

“You awake, sleeping beauty?” I hear a voice ask me. The tone is full of malice, and I instantly realize who I must be with. I swallow heavily, and it burns my throat. “You mute, too, or just stupid?”

“Shut the fuck up,” I grumble weakly. I wish I had more energy to put into it, but I can barely manage words, to begin with. “Where are we, Jerry?”

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