Page 18 of Protecting Paul

“I feel a little better now,” Paul says, and I hope it’s true. I hope he’s not just trying to reassure me. He yawns again. “If you keep stroking my hair like that, I’m gonna fall asleep.”

“Go ahead,” I say and continue stroking his hair. “You need the rest anyway.”

It doesn’t take long until his prediction comes true. He’s snoring softly on my chest within ten minutes. Even as he sleeps, I continue to caress his hair as if it’ll bring him comfort in his dreams.

10

Paul

Truetohisword,Sam was able to help me get a restraining order against Jerry. It wasn’t hard for the police to find him to serve and arrest him either. Since I’ve been staying at Sam’s, he resumed squatting in the house. Inmyhouse.

The officers told me he was even more pissed this time. At least they got him though. Unfortunately they released him pending a court date. After a few more days of recovering at Sam’s, I’m back home. I insisted on resuming the renovations despite Sam’s protests.

He’s right about me not doing any heavy lifting or hard work, but I’m making progress with painting and other small projects. The memory of Jerry’s assault on me is quickly eclipsed by happier memories with Sam. I haven’t seen Jerry in over a week now, and I hope that continues permanently.

Sam is over every day now. When he isn’t at my house, I’m at his apartment. Before I know it, we’re spending all of our free time together. It begins to feel like we’re actually dating instead of just friends with benefits. I know that can’t happen, though. I’m still leaving when all this is done.

The craziest thing is that I’m starting to worry about returning to Denver. It’s a better environment for me, but there’s no Sam in Colorado. No guy has made me feel the way Sam makes me feel. I know Sam would never leave Shafter Falls, even if I asked him. It hurts to think about it. I try not to, but it’s driving me nuts.

I call Lee, one of my best friends, when Sam has to work. I met Lee shortly after I got off the bus in Denver by complete chance, and I don’t know why, but he pretty much adopted me. He’s tall and beautiful and loud and proud. I know he’s older than me, but I’ve never asked how much. He helped me find apartments and jobs and invited me to his family’s house for the holidays. I honestly don’t know how I would have made it in Denver without him.

“Paul, honey!” Lee answers the phone with his usual enthusiasm. “I haven’t heard from you since you got there! Did you forget how to use a phone? Do I need to come rescue you?”

I don’t even answer him at first because I’m laughing. Lee’s bubbly, dramatic personality is just what I need to feel less alone and confused. I knew when I called that I wanted to hear his voice, and now I realize I want to tell him everything, just spill my guts about the confusion that comes from wanting something that I’m sure I can’t have long term.

“You don’t need to rescue me, I think it’s too late, but I’m pretty sure that I’m fucked.” This is what actually comes out of my mouth.

“Oh God, that sounds like a man! Is it a man? Tell me everything!” I know that he’s being sincere, and the words just start flowing out. I tell him all about how wonderful Sam is and how protected he makes me feel, how I would gladly date him and maybe a lot more but we live two different places, and I don’t see any way that can change, how going to sleep with him and waking up next to him is the best thing in the world and I don’t see any way I can give it up either. I tell him how I’m falling for him more every single day, that with every sweet kiss and touch my heart throbs more for him, that with every carefree smile and gaze into his hazel eyes I want him more.

Lee just listens and asks me about Sam’s family, how they feel about it.

“Sam’s dad is married to a guy named Mark, who’s one of Sam’s best friends growing up. They’re so happy together, and they sure wouldn’t have a problem with Sam dating a guy.”

“So,” Lee says slowly, “Is the only barrier really where you two live? Are you sure it’s insurmountable?”

I haven’t told Lee about Jerry yet, and I’m not going to. He’s a pretty protective friend, and I wouldn’t put it past him to drive straight up here to be with me. “It’s fucking Shafter Falls, Lee. You know how I feel about this place.”

“Well, you know I don’t ever want you to go anywhere, but you should probably consider that the person who hated Shafter Falls was 16 and angry, and that’s not the person you are now. How’s everyone treating grown up Paul?”

That makes me pause and think. Other than a couple double takes, probably at my hair and tattoos, it had been remarkably benign, and even positive from a few people. “I don’t know Lee, I guess it’s fine, people have been normal. I just can’t imagine feeling comfortable and safe here,” I tell him, and that’s the end of the discussion. Lee catches me up on all the gossip in our friend group, and a funny story about his sister and her kids, and I talk about the house and the work for the rest of the call.

“What do you say we take a break?” Sam asks one day when he comes over. “I think we deserve it. We’ve been putting all of our efforts into this house.”

“What do you have in mind?” I ask and cock my head at him. “I’ll admit I can use a break, though.”

“Let me take you out,” Sam says simply. My heart picks up. Goddammit it, why is he so fucking sweet? “We haven’t gone on a nice date yet. Just diners and pizza.”

A date. You don’t typically take your friends with benefits out on dates. Sam knows I’m leaving, so he knows we can’t get serious. Yet, here he is, wanting to take me on an actual date.

“That sounds nice,” I beam up at him. I can’t refuse him. It’s impossible. “Is it another surprise?”

“Duh,” Sam teases and grabs my hand. “I mean, you can probably guess. There aren’t many nice restaurants in town.”

“I’ll pretend to be surprised,” I laugh and follow him outside. I’m still not recovered enough to walk that far, so we hop in my car. Sam offers to drive as he’s been doing lately. He doesn’t say it, but I know it’s because he’s worried about me.

We pull up to the Italian restaurant I knew we were going to. I play along and gasp in surprise as we arrive.

“Wow, Sammy, I never would’ve guessed,” I tease as he opens the door for me. That really makes it feel like a date. “The only nice restaurant in town? Such a surprise.”

---