Page 86 of Fae Crown

Edsel scowled and set aside the mortar and pestle. “Don’t ye mind him. I learned a long time ago. Ye don’t let anyone determine yer worth but yerself.”

I chortled. “You sound like Zako. He was the one who?—”

“I know who Zako is.” Abruptly, he slid off his stool andbegan scooping the newly powdered herb into an open jar. “Mostly I figured the king was yer pa ‘cause Odelia’s yer ma. Never seen two fae more in love than them two.”

“Smooth change of subject,” I said with anI see what you’re up tochuckle. “But I want to know about Zako.”

He whirled on me. “And I wanna know about my gran’gobbler, already! Ye owe me that much, and by dragonfire ye damn well know it.” His face flushed green across his neck and cheeks. His fists bunched. His inhales heaved his barrel chest up and down.

“Whoa, okay, okay. No need to get so feisty. I’m not your enemy here, by sunshine. It’s not like I’m withholding information about Pru on purpose. I was just trying to get some information of my own first. No one tells me much of anything. I’ve had to figure most of it out on my own, the very hard and very painful way. So I thought I’d try to?—”

“Use my gran’gobbler to get what ye want.On purpose.” He shook his head while muttering under his breath so I couldn’t understand him until, “Yer all the same. It’s always the same.”

My skin flushed from extreme offense. “Uh, excuse me? Are you saying you think I’m the same as that cruel, callous cunt of a queen? That I’d do a single thing to hurt Pru when all I keep thinking about is how I hope she’s alright? You think I’d hurt anyone I care about? Or who doesn’t deserve it, for that matter? I’m not like any of them!”

I leaned forward so I could thump back into my pillows. If I could get out of bed and leave this room to get away from him, I would. But merely ambulating around the room at a turtle’s pace took everything I had.

Careful of a particularly bad slash across my ribs that had been slow to scab over, I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him, my own breath coming heavy now. “You say you knew Zako? Well, Zakoliedto me. For twenty-two years.”

That made me realize my birthday had probably come and gone while I was convalescing.

“I believed Zako was my father, that my mother was dead. ‘Cause that’s what he told me, and stupid me I trusted him. But then one fine day I was abducted and shot and all sorts of unpleasant shit, only to find out that Zako,my father, wasn’t my fucking father at all. Turns out the king, who couldn’t give a flying fuck about me, is actually my father. And the queen wants to kill me like it’s her main mission in this fucked-up world. I’ve never even heard of someone with such lust for murder. But yeah, she’s out to get me. It’s been peachy. She’s almost had me killed more ways than I care to recount right now. And oh, here’s another good one. I thought I was half human. All my life I was told myhumanmother was dead. But guess what? That’s right. Another fucking lie. I’m fully fae, and my mother—my mother—is actually alive and here. Where I am. Somewhere. Though no one will let me see her or tell me about her. As if Imean nothing. Like I’ve never meant a fucking thing to anyone.”

Xeno’s betrayed face floated through my mind. After Zako, he’d loved me before anyone else.

Next, Rush’s.

Saffron’s.

For a few beats I had to close my eyes. When Edsel remained uncharacteristically silent, I said, “You know what? It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”

It did, of course it did. But perhaps it didn’t matter in the same ways it had before. Maybe I could forge a life beyond the queen’s shadow.

Maybe.

“You’ve been through major shit too,” I said—a peace offering. “And whatever I still need to figure out, I’ll figure it out eventually. But you’re right about one thing: I shouldn’t use Pru as a bargaining tool. I love her. Anything I can do to help her in any way, I will. She’s?—”

“Yeloveher?” Edsel asked in a tone I’d never heard from him. It was awed, I finally settled on. Disbelieving, perhaps.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not as if I’ve professed my undying love to her or anything.” I snorted. “But sure, as a friend, I do love her.” Never mind that I hadn’t really thought about the matter much. It felt like the truth.

He climbed the stool and sank down onto it with a heavy plop. “Ye love her,” he repeated. “Goblins an’ladies of the court don’t mix. But ye love my gran’gobbler.”

I waited.

He shrugged. “She is lovable.”

A barked laugh slipped out of me, surprising us both. “She’s a pain in my ass a lot of the time, but yeah. She’s lovable.”

His depthless eyes shone with pride. “So where is she? She hasn’t been answering my messages.”

I swallowed. “Be forewarned, I don’t think you’re gonna like it…”

I intended to tell him just about my time in the Sorumbra with Pru, but in the end I told him almost everything. The words bubbled up and out of me as if they had a purpose of their own. The only thing I held back was the secret of exactly how precious the bond between Rush and me was, and how he’d forgotten all about it. All about me.

When I finished my story, he studied me for such a long time that he had to create lumoons to light the room. Even after, he stared and stared and stared.

At first I was tired from the recounting, and the unexpected intensity of the feelings it dredged up. But now impatience simmered to a boil.

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