Page 45 of Heartless Legacy

“What are you doing, Deacon?”

Deacon. Not Wolfe. She only uses my first name when she’s wants emotional distance between us. So that rules out fucking. I walk to the bedroom and throw on some sweatpants and my sneakers. I’m carrying my t-shirt in my hand when I walk back into the living room.

“You’re dressed? What was the whole point of stripping and asking me to fuck if you didn’t mean it?”

“I asked if youwantedto. You didn’t answer and my body seems to offend you, so, yeah, I put clothes on. I haven’t seen you in months, Thea, so if me pounding into you seems so unappealing, and you don’t want to talk about whatever shit you’re brooding over, then all that’s left is you working your frustrations out in the gym.”

“You go. I’m fine just siting here.”

She stiffens as soon as I sit next to her. I try not to take it personally. “Talk to me, Thea. Tell me what I can do to help.”

“Help?God, I hate that word. I don’t need help. I need everyone to stop interfering in my life. I need people to just leave me alone, and let me process.”

I get it. There’s a lot being thrown at her at once, and I know she hasn’t even begun to try to deal with whatever happened to her while she was missing. That’s why I want her to talk to me. I read the flimsy ass mission report they finally put together. That shit was so redacted all I could make out was Thea’s name, date of birth and the date, time, and location when Alpha Team rescued her. I get it. Moreau is protecting Thea’s privacy, but thehospital report is just as flimsy. She was severely dehydrated, malnourished, and had extensive burns and bruises on her skin and healing bones. She was here for three weeks before they contacted me. The first week, she was in a medically induced coma while they detoxed her.

I feel more helpless now than I did when I found her in that coffin. We tried therapy the last go round, which was a colossal waste of time, and I can’t ask Moreau to bring LJ here to act as a sounding board, so it’s up to me to push her.

We also need to talk about what’s waiting for her if she decides to go back to Canyon Falls. An idea which I am firmly against. The town has been nothing but an anchor around her neck. She’s been through enough upheaval in her life, with coming to terms with Moira and Scott being her parents, and then being forced to join The League. She doesn’t need to go back and deal with Pax’s engagement and finding out just how badly he’s betrayed her.

She finally asks, “What did you and Alexz talk about in your meeting?”

“My grandfather and how he was supposed to be Alexz’s guardian once he graduated from school.”

There’s a hint of suspicion in her voice when she asks, “Is that it?”

“You already know that’s not it, so why don’t you tell me why you’re mad at me.”

Shifting to the side to face me, she says, “You didn’t think I should know that The League was trying to kill Alexz because he knows they’re supposed to share power with the guardians and historians?”

“We don’t know for certain that, that’s the reason, LaReaux. He said it was a vague note that referenced three members. It could’ve been talking about the trium. Plus, he said the note wasn’t there when he went back.”

“Because someone moved it.”

“Or it wasn’t what he thinks it was.”

“Then explain the car accident. Are you saying he made it all up, and it was just an accident?”

After a moment of silence, I admit, “No. I believe someone set him up. But putting a hit out on someone because they questioned The League would be an extreme way of dealing with curiosity.”

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize how stupid they sound. Nobody questions The League, or pushes back against the rules. Thea did, and now she’s here.

“Extreme, huh? Then what would you call Malcolm locking me up in a mental institute and drugging me so that I couldn’t fight him off when he came to knock me up? Is that within the appropriate boundaries of league punishments for people who ask questions?”

She claws at her wrist. “How about a mafia boss kidnapping me from the swanky little psych ward where Malcolm had me stashed and depositing me in a hospital from hell? No? What about auctioning me off and letting some sick fucking doctor strap me to an electric chair and cram me full of hallucinogens to make me think I’m being rescued, just so he could see how much my mind could take before it fractured? Or putting me in a cage and letting people line up and take turns fighting me to see how much pain I can take?”

Her chest heaves as she screams at me. “You know why I don’t eat, Wolfe? They used the food to pump me full of drugs and poison. Once I figured that out, I stopped eating, so I’d have just a few moments of lucidity. Does my curiosity and desire for autonomy justify those actions?”

I wanted her to talk to me. This isn’t where I saw this conversation going. She glares up at me, pain and anger reflected in her dark blue eyes. I deserve a portion of that angerfor not finding her sooner. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Thea. That I didn’t find you and save you from that.”

She shakes her head, swiping at the tears on her face. “You were there, Wolfe. The last few days, you were there every time that quack doctor brought me in for a session. I stopped fighting the visions and the suggestions. I let myself get swept up in them, and let him and the guards do whatever they wanted to me. I was with you, and I was happy. Each session took me closer and closer to the edge. I was ready to die. Iwantedto die. I still do, because some days I wake up and see you and think I’m still in a hallucination.”

A tremor racks her body. “When I close my eyes, I’mthere,back in the room, staring at the doors to my cell. I hear noises and think it’s the orderlies coming for me. I prefer that. I’d rather be locked away, waiting for my next session, because this… hoping to be happy. It hurts, and I don’t trust it. You want me to eat, and smile, and come to bed and say I want to fuck, or wake up in the morning and say I want to workout, but I can’t do any of that. The empty feeling in my stomach is real. The bitter loneliness is familiar. Staying up all night is what I do. That’s what I’ve been doing since the day I got arrested. All those other things that would bring me comfort… I have no idea how to do any of that. How do I do normal things when I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake anymore?”

Placing my hand on her back, I assure her, “I’m real, Thea. This is real, and I’ll help you stay grounded in this reality.”

“Don’t touch me.” She shoves away from me and springs to her feet, rushing to the trashcan. She reaches it in just enough time to bend over and wretch up the meager contents of her stomach.

Chapter 29

---