Page 206 of Heartless Legacy

“No. But your friends care what happens to you so…”

“I get it Thea. Finn’s working on making you remember why you loved him, and Holden’s bulldozed his way back into your life, while I’ve just been here. Existing on the fringe. I haven’t been able to say anything. Haven’t been able to do anything. My father’s been clear about what would happen if I stepped out of line, and I didn’t want to- I still don’t want to- do anything to paint a target on your back.”

“Yet, here you are on the other side of the country, with me.”

“Yes, here I am. Staying away and playing it safe hasn’t helped anything. That hasn’t protected you from anything.”

“That’s your opinion. I think it helped me just fine. My life has been stress free not having to deal with your mouth.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, a cocky smile on my lips. “Because every time we get near each other, I wind up with my face between your legs. So are you sure my mouth and tongue haven’t helped?”

She huffs in annoyance. “I’ve got a flight to catch. Is there a point you’re trying to make?”

“My point is, I’ve been miserable without you, Thea, well on my way to destroying everything we’ve built. My reputation was plummeting, and I didn’t give a shit. I was just going through the motions out of necessity because I thought... Well, you know what I thought. I was a husk. A body. Ask the guys if you don’t believe me. Until you came back, there was never a moment I wasn’t drunk or on my way to getting drunk.”

“And that’s my fault?”

“No, Nem, it was mine, because I was too much of a coward to face things. I was ashamed of myself for not pushing back against my father. I went along with his plan and hurt the people I care about the most. I hated myself, and drinking was the only way I could cope with still walking around knowing how badly I fucked up.”

“What are you saying, Pax? Do you need a sympathy hug? A therapist? Cause I’m not built to be either of those things for you.”

“I’m saying, Nem, they fell for you first, but I fell the hardest.”

Thea

“Thea.” LJ nudges me. “Thea?”

“Huh? Sorry.” I give her a sheepish smile. “Did I zone out again?”

“Yes. You were staring down at your salad, fork halfway between your mouth and the plate like you were frozen in place. Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. Just thinking of something that happened over the weekend.” I drop my fork and ask, “What about you? How was your weekend with Damon?”

“Good.”

“I’m still bummed we had to cancel our plans the last time.”

“I know. I know. I promise he’s not usually so flaky. He’s really busy with this internship, and it makes it hard for him toget away. He never knows when they’re gonna give him a last-minute assignment.”

“I understand. I’m sure things will be easier over the summer. That’s how you guys met, right? Last summer?”

“Right.”

Her phone buzzes and she says, “One sec, that’s him now.”

“Right now? Calling during the time you usually eat lunch?”

She climbs to her feet and says, “I’ll be right back.” She exits the dining hall through the door closest to our table. Holden watches her leave, then turns his gaze on me. He’s got that look in his eyes, like he’s trying to figure out a puzzle. He blurts out, “I’m not a robot.”

“Of course not.”

“I feel things, and I can be empathetic to other people’s problems.”

I pick up my knife, and he ducks his head when I ask, “Who am I stabbing today?” When he doesn’t answer, I ask, “Oh shit. Am I stabbing myself? I know we haven’t really talked about things, and I’m probably coming off hot and cold. Holden, I promise I’m not intentionally trying to punish you for what happened, but I’ve got a lot of shit to deal with, so snark and retreat are my default settings. It’s gonna take a minute to override it.”

“I don’t want you to override it.” He says, typing something into his phone.

My phone dings and I pull up the video he just sent. I keep my calm on the outside, but inside I’m freaking. The. Fuck. Out. “How did you know?” I ask in a hushed whisper.

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