“I-”
“I’ll tell you how. It’snot.But if you’re missing him so much, then you go over there and drag him back.” She won’t be able to, but god I hope she tries. I hope she goes over there and gets her feelings shredded by Finn, Thea and anyone else sitting at that table.
“Him sitting over there has people talking.”
“You worried about the comings and goings of your former fiancé is what has people talking. Is this your way of saying you’re regretting your choice to screw him over? If so, then I suggest you submit your request to terminate our contract to the appropriate committee.”
“I’m not trying to end things.”
“Then you’re trying to make me jealous or piss me off. I’m heavily leaning towards the latter.”
“The Trium doesn’t look unified with him sitting withher.”
Holden’s voice holds a low warning when he says, “Pax has already pointed out that Finn is no longer your companion or future husband. But since you’re worried about optics, you should know he’s without a companion and was told to mingle with legacy daughters.”
Holden frowns like the words are rancid on his tongue. I’m pretty sure he was given the same instructions.
“He’s supposed to be interacting with legacy daughters. Not-”
“Thea’s from a legacy familyandshe’s in the same prospect year as you. He couldn’t pick a more appropriate lunch companion, then if he’d went line by line through a build a perfect date manual.” He turns the page in his book. “I suggest you shut the fuck up and focus on the guy next to you or you may find yourself being challenged for the privilege.”
Holden’s not defending me. I know he doesn’t care about the situation I’m in, but his warning is true. The more Eloise focuses on Finn, the bigger an opening someone else will seek to exploit.
It’s rare that a companion is in danger outside of the forty-eight-hour period, but I suppose someonecouldchallenge her for me. League rules say we can challenge for anything. I press my lips together to keep from smiling. I’d pay good money for that to happen. Hell, I’d give my left nut with no anesthesia to see Thea challenge her for me. Not that it’ll ever happen, but I’d suffer to watch if it did.
Eloise has more to get off her chest. Her position next to me and on the leaderboard is making her more mouthy than she was before. Something which I’d have thought was impossible since she’s never learned to shut the fuck up. “She’s at the bottom of the board. She won’t be acceptable much longer.”
It’s rare that Holden ever shows any emotion in public, and when he does, it’s always anger or disdain. It’s the disdain that’s on his face right now as he looks at Eloise. “Thea doesn’t know how to stay down. She’ll be back on top again.”
And isn’t that the truth? No matter how many times she’s knocked down. No matter how much shit she’s been through since coming here, she always gets back on her feet and comes at us stronger and harder than before.
But will she do it this time? My stomach twists in knots, imagining her in a cell for all these months. Something happened to her while she was locked up. I see her when she doesn’t know I’m watching. I see her flinch. Tense. Shake. I watch her in secret as she pulls herself together and puts on the mask she needs to, to face people. I look over at her table, taking her in. The set of her body, the harsh lines on her face. The mask is in place now.
I drag my attention away and pick up my water, plastering a bored expression on my face as Eloise says, “She had TheTrium’s protection and was lucky before. No one wanted to risk pissing you off. That’s not the case now. There’s no way she’s coming back from this.”
Holden
Pax dismissed Eloise’s concerns about Finn sitting at a non-legacy table with Thea, but I step off the elevator on our floor, to find him and Finn arguing in the middle of the hallway.
“Thea’s made it clear that she doesn’t want anything to do with you, Finn. Just stop obsessing over her and let it go.”
It’s easy for Pax to say. He’s never been attached to anyone in his life. Obviously, his feelings for Thea weren’t real. If they were, he wouldn’t have been hooking up with Eloise behind her back. Finn has cared about a few girls. They never lasted for long, but even in those brief days of all-consuming interest, none of them made him as obsessive as he is with Thea.
I’m not sure I’m feeling any different. But where Finn turns his feelings outward for everyone to read, I keep mine buried deep. Festering. Churning into something ugly and disturbed. It’s been eight months, twenty-six days, eighteen hours and eleven minutes since the last time I was close enough to Thea to see every twitch on her face as she breathes. Close enough to reach out and snatch that breath. End her life. Taste the fear in the air and on her skin.
Finn says, “Thea’s upset with me because of you and the company you choose to keep. But that doesn’t mean she’s stopped wanting me. She’ll come around.”
I can see that Pax doesn’t like hearing the hopeful tone in Finn’s voice. He’s about to squash it. “Why would she? Why would you want her to? You have plenty of options for getting your dick sucked until you’re assigned a new companion. Find someone else.”
“It’s not that simple, Pax.”
“You agree with him?” Pax asks, turning to where I’m standing.
Was I nodding? In my head I agreed, but I didn’t think I was acting out the movements. “I agree that none of this is simple. It hasn’t been simple since the day you told us what Malcolm asked you to do.”
A look flashes across his face. Is that… guilt? I dismiss it just as quickly as I think it. Pax doesn’t feel guilty about anything he’s done. “Just like this whole situation we find ourselves in now, isn’t simple. It’s messy and complicated as fuck. You had to know that this was a risk, right? That our bond would fracture behind what you did?”
“I understand that you’re upset or whatever. Or I’m trying to understand. But it’s been months. Months. Don’t you think it’s time to move on from this?”