Page 57 of Heartless Legacy

Iknew it would happen, eventually. I’ve been preparing myself for this moment, and yet I feelwholly unpreparedforcoming face-to-face with Holden for the first time. Pax is easy to ignore, as are Finn’s puppy dog eyes that follow me, begging me to give him another chance.

But it’s the quiet intensity on Holden’s face that says what I’m sure the other two are thinking and too timid to say.Fuck my feelings. If they don’t align with what he wants, he’s happy to trample all over them.

Holden’s always been upfront with me. The best course of action is for me to do the same with him. I stand in place, waiting for him to approach me. Then hold out my hand, making sure he stays an arm’s length away. His gaze flicks over my outstretched arm before returning to my face. I can see he doesn’t like that I’ve stopped him, but he doesn’t come any closer.

He speaks first, “Welcome back.”

I jerk my head in a nod. I’m sure some would say it’s good to be back, but it’s not. I don’t feel welcome and I don’t feel good. I don’t feel anything. I’m just here. Numb is good because that means I’m not feeling those phantom jolts of electricity on my skin.

“They locked down your room this year, but I’ll work on getting you reassigned to Vale Tower by the end of the week.”

“Don’t bother.”

“It’s not a bother. You belong with us.”

See. Fuck my feelings. I just need to get out what I have to say, and he can relay everything to Finn. “When I say don’t bother, I mean I don’t want to live in Vale Tower, and I think we can both agree that given the shift in dynamics, it’s better if I stay as far away from that building as I can.”

“You mean because Pax is with Eloise?” He asks.

“Yes.”

“Pax’s arrangement has nothing to do with us. They didn’t include me and Finn in their contract.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I know the three of you wanted to… I know that maintaining an equal power dynamic was important and your decision to share a companion was supposed to help with that.”

“Only one party to that agreement has backed out. There are still two of us who will be moving forward.”

“Oh. Good.” I nod. “Good for you. And Finn. Good luck on your search.”

“We already found someone.” He says, shifting closer. My senses go on high alert and I slowly take a step away.

“Even better. I’m glad we’re on the same page moving forward.”

“Are we?” He asks, his lips turning up at the corner in a barely there amused smirk.

“Yup. You and Finn are going to share a companion. Pax is tied to the hellbitch, and I’m enjoying my freedom.”

The last part of that statement feels like ash on my tongue. I’m not enjoying shit because I don’t feel free. I feel like I’m one step away from being taken away again. Why the fuck did I think it was so important for me to come back here, and why didWolfe and Alexz agree? Clearly, I can’t be trusted to make good decisions right now. Other than this one. Addressing the end of our relationship with Holden is the best decision.

Anyone affiliated with Malcolm can’t be trusted. I can’t even look at Holden without seeing the other two. Without seeing The League. He’ll never go against them, which makes us enemies. “If you’re about to say that I’m your candidate, don’t bother. Whatever dreams you had of us reuniting is your issue, not mine. I didn’t have warm, fluttery dreams about you while I was gone, and I won’t pretend I did to save your fragile ego.”

He looks for the lie on my face. He won’t find it. Every word I speak is the truth. I didn’t have good dreams in the scarce moments sleep claimed me. Nightmares await me every time I close my eyes, and there’s no way to go back and undo what’s happened to me. I’ve changed. Just like when I woke up in Palisades Shores last year, another layer of my soul’s been shaved off.

Holden looks like he’s thirty seconds away from grabbing me. I can’t let that happen, so I throw out a hasty, “I’ve gotta go,” and hurry away from him, my back stiff, ears straining to hear if he follows me.

He doesn’t, but I don’t feel like I breathe again until I make it back to my dorm.

It’s Tuesday, the second day of classes. Today and Thursday are my busiest days. I have three classes on each of these days and only one on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The last week and a half on campus was uneventful. I got up, had a protein bar and water for breakfast, went over the syllabi for my classes, talked to LJ and Deacon, and tried to nap, with a chair wedged under the handle of my bedroom door. Sometimes, I went to LJ’s dorm. Rinse and repeat. Yesterday, I was done with class by ten in the morning and back in my dorm before campus got really busy. Today I’ll encounter way more people.

My steps falter when I enter the classroom. Without a class roster, there’s just no way to prepare for who’s gonna be in them. My eyes flick over the seats. It’s pretty empty, because I’m one of the first students to arrive, but I still note who is already here and the location of the other door and windows. I’m on the second floor of the building. Jumping out of one isn’t off the table.

I take a deep breath, calming my nerves, and find a seat in the last row. With shaky hands, I take out my laptop and notebook. My phone buzzes on the desk. I snatch it up, putting it to my ear, to listen to the voice message Wolfe sent me.

Wolfe

Morning. I wish I could have seen you before classes, but I had an early morning training session at Wolfe Pack and my own first day of school to get to.

I know you’re on edge. I am too, and will be taking my frustrations out on the newbies. Don’t you do that. There are way too many eyes on you.

---