Page 6 of The Flavor of Us

“No,” she says softly, her thumb still tracing slow, careful circles on my cheek. “I can’t.”

There’s something about the way she’s looking at me right now—her eyes warm and vulnerable, all her usual sharp edges softened—that makes me feel like I’m standing on the edge of something huge. Something that could either break me or rebuild me entirely.

Carleen’s lips twitch into a teasing smirk and her eyes flicker down to my mouth before meeting mine again. “You know… I still have that bedroom vacancy if you want it. Come home with me.”

My brain short-circuits. Like, fully shuts down. Did Carleen just… did she justsaythat?Come home with me.The words are still ringing in my ears, bouncing around in my skull, and I can’t process them fast enough.

My eyes go wide and I’m pretty sure I look like a fish gasping for air. Carleen notices—of course, she notices—and she laughs, this deep, throaty sound that makes my stomach do a full gymnastic routine.

“Don’t look so surprised,” she says, her brown eyes twinkling in the dim light of the parking lot. “But I mean it, Tati. I still need to go slow—I need tofeellike we’re building this the right way. But the thought of having you anywhere other than beside me? It hurts to think about.”

My heart. My poor, fragile, overworked heart. It clenches so hard in my chest I almost double over. How does shedothat? How does she say things like that so easily, so honestly?

“So…” I manage to stammer out, my voice embarrassingly high-pitched, “does this mean we’re, like… dating? Or whatever?”

Carleen’s lips curl into that smirk—the one that’s equal parts amused and absolutely wrecking my life. “Yeah, Tati. We’re dating. Or whatever.”

And just like that, I’m grinning so wide my face hurts. I must look like a complete maniac because Carleen laughs again, softer this time, and reaches out to tuck a loose strand of my hair behind my ear.

“Get in your car, sunshine,” she says, her voice dipping low in a way that makes my knees weak. “Follow me home.”

I nod so fast I’m pretty sure I give myself whiplash. “Yep. Yes. Absolutely. Following. Right behind you.”

I practically fling myself into my car, my hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles turn white. My reflection stares back at me in the rearview mirror, eyes wide, cheeks flushed, lips pressed into a shaky smile. “Okay, Tati,” I whisper to myself, sucking in a sharp breath. “Calm the hell down. You’re going home with her.Her. But don’t freak her out. Don’t make it weird. Don’t—oh my goddess, we’redating.”

I let out a squeaky laugh that absolutely no one needed to hear and then I start the engine. Carleen’s tail lights glow in front of me as she pulls out of the parking lot and I follow her like she’s leading me to the gates of heaven. Which, honestly, might not be far off.

My car is still packed with all my stuff. Suitcases, boxes, duffel bags stuffed to the brim with every piece of my life I could fit before I came rushing back to the city. I hadn’t even gone home yet—I’d barely made it past the city limits before Carleen’s text pulled me straight to the hospital.

I take a deep breath as we turn down a familiar street. I know the way to her apartment like the back of my hand. Ellie was my best friend after all. But more recently? Too many late nights, too many movie marathons, too many mornings where I left before she woke up because I couldn’t handle how much Iwanted this—wantedher—and how afraid I was she didn’t want the same.

But she does. She said it. Shesaid it.

The soft rumble of my car’s engine fades as I pull into the parking spot. I shift into park and lean back against the seat, staring up at the large building in front of me. Carleen’s building. I’ve been here a hundred times before, but tonight… it feels different. Heavier. Like every brick and window is staring down at me, judging whether I’m worthy enough to walk through those doors again.

Carleen stops by my window but I wave her inside, silently telling her I’ll be up in a minute because, fuck, I kind of need one. Now that I’ve come to my senses, I’ve realized that everything I could absolutely want has fallen into my lap and I have no plans on how to move forward.

Typical.

Needing yet another voice to kick my ass into gear, I grab my phone, my thumb hovering over my mom’s contact. I need to talk to her. I need someone to tell me I’m not about to crash and burn by diving headfirst into this thing with Carleen. With a deep breath, I presscalland bring the phone to my ear.

She picks up on the second ring.

“Tati, baby! You made it back safe?” Her voice is warm and honey-sweet, like a hug through the phone. She’s always been my safe space, the one person in my life who would never judge me regardless of anything I did or wanted.

“Yeah, Mama. I’m good. I’m parked outside Carleen’s place right now.” My voice wobbles slightly on her name and I curse myself internally.

There’s a pause, and then, “Oh, sweetheart. You’re there.There-there?”

I laugh softly despite the knot in my stomach. “Yeah.There-there.”

The line goes quiet for a second before my mom’s voice returns, softer now. “I’m so proud of you, Tati. I know how much this means to you. You’ve been carrying this for so long and seeing you take this leap…” She trails off, her voice thick with emotion. “It’s brave, baby. And I know Carleen—she’s a good woman. She’ll see how lucky she is to have you.”

My mother was there through every step of this fragile relationship—when it was blooming, when it broke, when it restarted, and now. She held me through tears and the confusing feelings and talked me out of shutting Carleen out of my life forever. Ellie’s been there too, both of them coaxing me back until I realized that running away never solves anything.

I swallow a sob threatening to make its way out into the night air but my mother catches on. “What’s wrong, Tati? What are you afraid of?”

It’s the one secret I’ve been holding—a secret that only my parents know. My father found out by accident but he didn’t even blink; just said he loved me and we’ve never mentioned it since. However, I can see that he cares, that he’s still providing for me without us ever discussing it.

---