Page 72 of Ruthless

“No.”

I grind my teeth together. After searching for over an hour, we came up empty. The guy is a fucking ghost. It left us with no other choice but to ask my father-in-law for help. The crazy fucker has sources we don’t. I’d work with the devil himself if it brought her back to me. Waiting around isn’t me. I need to be out there finding the answers myself, but he swore he could find the prick a lot faster than we could. And he better.

Kennedy’s naked form flashes in my head, and I have to fight the urge to fuck something up. Those images will haunt me until the day I die. They’re etched into my brain, but I’ll be damned if history repeats itself. “Why are you down here?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He strokes a hand across Lily’s back as he watches her. She’s wearing one of those flowery pajama things that covers her feet. Her dark hair is sticking up all over the place, and there’s a bit of drool coming out of her mouth, soaking Asher’s shirt.

I watch the motion, an ache spreading across my chest. In a few months, it will be me in the same position. Until now, it hasn’t occurred to me just how much is on the line if we fail. I need a distraction while we wait for Finn to come through or I’m gonna lose my fucking mind. “Charlee will kick your ass when she finds out you held her all night like that.”

“Do you know what happens to an ex-cop in prison?” His question throws me for a loop. It’s not what I expected him to say, but Asher never does what you expect.

“Ash.” Muscles in my jaw clench as he brings up his past. Neither one of us like to talk about this shit. We prefer our demons to stay dead and buried, so I am not sure why we’re even talking about it now.

“It takes a toll on your soul. Every single day I woke up wondering if it would be my last.” He runs a tatted finger along Lily’s cheek, letting his words linger in the silence before continuing.

“I need to know she’s real. That they both are.” His eyes meet mine, and for the first time in months, I see it. The fear. The pain. It’s like I’m looking in a fucking mirror.

“Axel was right.” I sag back against my chair and wait him out. He came to me for a reason, and he has to tell me on his own terms, in his own way.

“What if I—” His voice falls as he struggles to find the words. “I can’t fail them too.”

“Christ, Ash. Is that what this is about? Charlee knows all about your past, and she’s accepted it. I thought you did too. Lauren and your son will always be a part of you. None of us have forgotten them.”

He nods, still lost in his own head. “I know.”

“Then what’s this about?” There’s more. There always is when he’s in one of his moods.

“We can’t protect them from everything.” Lily stirs, and he kisses the top of her head, coaxing her back to sleep.

“We sure as fuck can try.” My eyes narrow, not liking where his head is at. I need him all in with me when it’s time to find Kennedy.

“What if they need protecting from me?” His question takes me by surprise.

“You really believe that you’d hurt your own kid?” I shift in the chair and give him a sideways glance.

“Don’t you?” He flips the tables on me, and it all comes full circle.

“I don’t know.” And that’s the truth. “But, I think I’m ready to try.”

He lets the conversation drop, but not for long. “She’s been gone for five hours now.”

“Don’t pull your cop bullshit. Not on me, Ash.”

“All I’m saying is that the more time goes by, the smaller the window we have.” He keeps his voice low and calm as not to wake Lily, but he might as well have yelled them from the fucking rooftops with how hard they’re hitting me.

“Don’t project your demons onto me.” I give him a warning glare, but my big brother isn’t done twisting the knife.

“Kennedy and your kid are out there, and you need to prepare for the fact that we may not get to them in time.”

“Fuck you.” I push to my feet, doing my best not to scare Lily by raising my voice. “She’s coming back.” I won’t accept any other outcome. “And when she does, I will spend every day letting her know what she means to me. Can you say the same?”

Asher opens his mouth, ready to rip my head off, but Axel barrels into the room like a fucking bomb with Thor on his heels. He narrows his eyes. “Why the fuck is that thing in my house?”

“Don’t tell me you’re anti-dog too. What the hell, man? Kids love dogs.” Axel throws his hands up but doesn’t stop Thor from exploring.

“He shits on my floor, I’m kicking your ass,” Asher says.

“Whatever.” Axel rolls his eyes and takes the two of us in. “I must have missed the memo for the slumber party.”

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