Page 13 of Ruthless

“What? I’m going to fecking kick his ass.” Rory moves to get out of the truck, but I put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him before he can. I just want to get out of here and have some time to think.

“No, he didn’t hurt me. I’m fine, Con. Can we just go, please?” I shake my head, collapse into the leather of my seat, and sigh. The last few days have been beyond stressful for me, but tonight caught me off guard, and for the first time in a long time, I’m second-guessing my life choices. My hand absently rubs my flat belly as I wonder if I’m already failing as a mother.

My brothers must sense that I’m not in the mood to talk because they leave me alone with my thoughts. For that, I’m grateful. The last thing I want right now is to be forced into any conversation. I know all four of my brothers will give me an earful later, but at least right now, I’m being given a reprieve.

I stare out the window and try not to let my thoughts drift back to Zane and what happened earlier tonight, but that’s an epic fail. His haunted face plays on constant loop in my head. The way blood dripped down his knuckles as he continued to punch the trunk of the tree, mindless to the pain. I can’t help but wonder if he was always teetering on the edge, and I was the catalyst to finally push him over the edge.

A part of me is wondering if I should have sucked it up and stayed. Fought harder to get him to talk to me. But, for three nights, I was alone in his bed wondering why all of a sudden he became distant. It was like a switch flipped inside of him, and he just shut me out and left his family to deal with me.

We don’t know each other well, and maybe that’s why it was easier to shut me out, but I need some time away to think about things. To be around my own stuff again, instead of feeling like an outsider looking in.

The closer we get to my apartment complex, the bigger the knot in my stomach. It’s only about a ten-minute drive from my father’s place, but it’s the only sign of independence I have from under his shadow. It’s also as far away as my father will allow me to live from him. He likes us all close by in case of an emergency. It’s not a penthouse or anything like that, but it’s home. I’ll just be thankful to have my own space again. Thoughts of sinking into my tub has me itching to get out of this truck, and before I know it, Connor is pulling into my parking lot. He pulls up to the glass front doors of my apartment complex and puts the truck in park.

I’m reaching for my bag, anxious to get out of here and inside my own space. Rory rolls down his window when I shut the door, and I know I’m not getting away completely unscathed.

Connor has one arm resting on the steering wheel, and his head is turned in my direction. “Dad wants to talk to you, but I figured you’ve had enough for tonight. Be warned. If you don’t talk to him soon, he’ll be coming to you. So, do us all a favor and don’t wait much longer. You miss another Sunday Mass, and he’s going to lose his shit.”

“Thanks for the warning.” I push my glasses up the bridge of my nose and let out a deep sigh. “I won’t. I promise.”

“Night, Ken.” Rory flicks his wrist in a small wave as Connor pulls away and into traffic.

I stand there watching until their taillights disappear, taking a moment to collect myself. The parking lot is empty and dark, but I can’t help the feeling that I’m being watched. It sends shivers up my spine. There’s nothing but darkness surrounding me, so I spin on the heel of my Vans and make my way through the glass doors and into the elevator as fast as I can. I’m not taking any chances. When it stops on the third, I practically jump out, anxious to put this night behind me.

My apartment is the last one at the end of the hall, which is a huge perk for me. I have the only balcony that overlooks the city. I’m almost to my door when a small ball of white fur runs straight for my legs. He rushes up to my feet and starts barking.

I kneel and scratch behind his ears like I know he likes as he leans into my body. “Hey boy, how’s my favorite little thug?” He lives up to that nickname because he gets out any chance he gets and always manages to cause some sort of trouble in the apartment complex. Nobody ever complains because he’s just too cute to get mad at.

“Thor?” I glance to the open door off to my left and find my neighbor standing in her doorway. Her gray eyebrows pinch together as she glances down at her Maltese and then back up to me. “Oh no. He got out again?” She shakes her head, causing the gray bun on top to wiggle with the movement.

“Evening, Mrs. Baker.” I smile and continue to rub behind Thor’s ears. His head tilts to the side as he leans into my touch, enjoying every bit of it.

“Haven’t seen you in a few days.” She closes the front of her robe and crosses her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, I was out of town.” No way am I telling her the real reason. The entire building will know my business before I can blink. Mrs. Baker is a great neighbor, but she’s also lonely and talks to whoever will listen.

“I’ve kept my eye on things just in case. You never can be too careful.” The wrinkles in her cheeks deepen as she smiles.

“Thank you. I appreciate that.” I give Thor one last rub before standing to my feet.

He wags his tail and then rushes back toward Mrs. Baker. She picks him up with her slender arms and holds him against her side as he licks the side of her face.

“Well, good night.” She rubs the side of Thor’s head and smiles once more.

“Night.” I dip my head as she shuts her door and disappears into her apartment.

I sigh and do the same. After setting my bag down on the floor and locking the door behind me, I lean against it and look around my small space. Everything is just as I left it. Frozen in time. But it’s also quiet. It’s the silence that amplifies my emotions.

The humming of my fridge is the only sound that greets me as I stare at my black leather couch and debate on hanging out here, getting lost in one of my favorite movies, but it’s late. I had to wait until after dark when I knew Zane was either asleep or down in the basement working out so that I could slip away undetected. Just thinking his name has my spirits plummeting once more.

With a heaviness that I feel down to my bones, I walk into my bedroom and change into a clean pair of pajamas. My head is spinning in several directions, but I’m hoping that sleeping in my own bed tonight will at least quiet the noise. I slip off my glasses and place them on the nightstand next to my bed before sliding underneath my covers, letting the coolness of the maroon bamboo sheets soothe my aching body. Everything around me feels familiar and foreign all at the same time. At least when I wake up in the morning, I won’t be disappointed to find the other side empty.

I lie on my back with my arms resting on my stomach as I stare up at my ceiling, my mind going a mile a minute. My body’s wound up so tight with emotions that I can’t relax. Even my box breathing isn’t helping to calm the storm raging inside of me. Sleep won’t be happening unless I alleviate some of this pent-up energy.

Letting out a deep breath, I slide my hands down into the front of my pajama shorts and underneath the waistband into my underwear. My clit throbs in anticipation, and I need to take the damn edge off. I let my knees fall to the side, spreading myself open with my left hand as two fingers of my right hand stroke my clit in slow circles.

The second the tips of my fingers make contact with my warm flesh, my hips buck up off the bed. A grip of sensations floods through me. Since I’ve gotten pregnant, everything has been heightened. Every touch intensified, practically pushing me over the edge from the slightest breeze. Even my sense of smell has become stronger, and it’s wreaking havoc on my insides.

My core clenches as liquid heat pools low in my belly and spreads farther down my legs and into the tips of my toes. The coolness from the bamboo sheets rubbing against my skin has every nerve ending coming to life—the friction sending liquid heat coursing through me.

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