Page 83 of Beautiful Agony

I shake my head, unable to form words yet. The weight of the gun is in my head again, and so is the image of Sayanaa's taunting smile.

"Lacey? What's wrong?" Megan's hand finds my other one. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I..." My voice cracks. "I almost did something terrible, Meg. Something I could never take back."

The tears I've been holding back finally spill over. "I wanted to kill her. I wanted to make her pay for everything she's done to us. To Irina. To Freddy. I had Vadim's gun in my hand and I..."

A sob escapes me. "I couldn't do it. But God help me, I wanted to."

Dad's grip tightens on my hand. Though he doesn't speak, his thumb strokes my knuckles in that same soothing pattern he used when I was little and scared of thunderstorms.

"Oh, Lacey." Megan pulls me into a hug. "That doesn't make you terrible. It makes you human."

"I'm scared, Meg," I whisper against her shoulder. "Scared of what this life is turning me into."

"The fact that you're this torn up about it proves you're still you," Megan whispers, pulling back to look me in the eyes. "The old Lacey who'd cry over a wounded bird, and who stayed up all night with Mom during her chemo treatments. She's still in there. This life didn't erase that."

My hands ball into fists. "But Iwantedto hurt someone, Meg. I wanted to make Sayanaa suffer."

"But youdidn't." Megan's voice is firm. "That's what matters. And you know why? Because Vadim was there to stop you. To protect you from crossing that line."

A fresh wave of tears spills down my cheeks as I remember the way he'd gently lowered my trembling hand, the understanding in his storm-gray eyes.

"He knew exactly what killing someone would do to you," Megan continues. "That's love, Lacey. Real love means stopping theperson you care about from making terrible mistakes, even when they think they want to make them."

"But what if—" I start, but Megan cuts me off.

"No more what-ifs. You can't torture yourself about things that didn't happen. The only thing that matters is what you actually did. And what you did was choose to walk away. Yes, you came close to that line, but you never crossed it."

With a choked sob, I collapse into her arms, letting out all the fear and rage and guilt I've been holding inside. Megan holds me tight as I cry, one hand stroking my hair the way Mom used to when I was little.

Dad's hand finds mine again, and I grip it like an anchor as the storm of emotion washes through me. My sister's right.

I'm still me.

Changed, maybe, but not broken. Not lost.

The door opensand Vadim walks in, exhaustion etched into every line of his face. My heart leaps into my throat as I search his expression for any hint of news.

"He'll make it," Vadim says softly. "The surgeon says Freddy got lucky. He'll need time to recover, but he should pull through."

Relief floods through me, making my knees weak. After everything that's happened, it finally seems like there's a glimmer of good news.

I notice Dad studying Vadim intently, concern creasing his features. It strikes me that in all the chaos, I haven't properly introduced them yet.

"Dad," I say, taking Vadim's hand and drawing him closer. "This is Vadim. My husband."

Dad's eyes widen slightly at the word 'husband.' He looks between us, and for a moment I see a flash of clarity in his gaze that I haven't witnessed in months.

"Mr. Huang," Vadim says, his voice gentler than I've ever heard it. He extends his hand to my father. "I wish we could have met under better circumstances."

To my surprise, Dad reaches out and grasps Vadim's hand firmly. His lips move, trying to form words, and though no sound comes out, I can feel what he's trying to say.

Take care of her.

Dad holds onto Vadim's hand a moment longer, his clouded eyes never once looking away. Then, he releases his grip and settles back in his chair, the moment of lucidity passing like a summer breeze.

I lean into Vadim's side, drawing strength from his solid presence. For all the darkness swirling around us, this moment feels like a small pocket of peace.

---