“That’s good, that’s good.” Ryan shoveled some fried rice onto his plate. “Oh!” His mouth twisted slyly. “I forgot to mention Ayla’s friend from Tempe said she could make it last minute!”
Lewis rolled his eyes and chuckled.
“She’s really into gaming! Want us to introduce you two?”
“Eh, I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
“C’mon, man. It’s been two years already. Get on out there! I mean, Cynthia’s been seeing a new guy hasn’t she?”
“Yeah …” Lewis lowered his gaze to stare at the soup steaming in his little bowl. “He’s a VP over at some marketing firm. He’s certainly better than my useless ass.”
There were no bitter notes to his voice. Cynthia had every right to leave him. Though she was the one to have an affair and officially end their marriage, Lewis felt like he was the one who drove her into the other man’s arms. He could not live up to her image of a successful man or a supportive husband. Then again, it was so difficult to see to her needs when his father was ailing and his own inadequacies ravaged his self-confidence. She could not weather the storm circling his head, and he did not think he could leave the shadow of the dark clouds. Deep wounds were left, and they were still unhealed.
Ryan’s thick eyebrows drew down past the rim of his glasses. “Hey, you’re not useless.”
“I moved back in with my parents and am living off alimony. I’m a waste of space.”
“Ya gotta respect a person for trying to build their own brand and business, though.”
“My site’s been stagnating for a year now …”
“Everyone hits a slump now and then. Just don’t let it keep you down.”
“Maybe I should just get a nine-to-five job, then I can have some purpose.”
“Purpose? You’re helping care for your dad after his stroke! That’s pretty damn noble to me.”
It was true Lewis moved back into his childhood home to help care for his father. Still, his stomach curdled as that was his excuse to leave his previous living situation, splitting a three-bedroom house with another bachelor. Lewis’ meager income could barely afford his half of rent, and the alimony he received paid for his food and gas. By now his parents had stopped propping up his older brother, who was a commercial pilot, as an example to which Lewis can aspire. They had grown weary of their advice not producing any material results. Lewis gripped his chopsticks. He really was a loser.
“Th-thanks … ah, sorry. I’m being a downer.” Lewis slapped a hand to his face. “This is your weekend! We gotta celebrate!”
Lewis raised his cup of tea for a toast. Ryan met it with his Coke.
“To you and Ayla!”
After dinner the two parted, but not before Ryan reminded Lewis of their plans for the following day. They and a few of the other groomsmen were to go fishing on the river. The plan was to meet at the small pier by Lewis’s hotel at five a.m. sharp. Lewis was relieved it was so close to him, and he could simply roll out of bed and walk there.
As the sun set, Lewis drew open the curtains and lifted the heavy panes for the evening breeze to clear some of the stale air in his room. Any sounds the small creatures of the night would have made were drowned out by the steady whoosh of traffic beyond Lewis’ vision. In spite of the mimicry of the asphalt flow, the river maintained its own placid course through the land asa blue ribbon cleaving dun earth. Lewis inhaled deeply before settling in for an early sleep.
It was easy enough to slip into slumber with the heavy meal, but Lewis hadn’t counted on the dreams. He’d never had a dream without visuals before. He was floating in an abyss, his movements sluggish as though he were at the bottom of the sea. There was nothing around him, not even light. In the distance, beyond whatever matter he floated in, he heard a stifled voice.
“Fei …”
Time slipped by in a molasses drip. The echo of the voice bled into rebirthed utterances.Fei.
Pressure closed around Lewis. If he was sinking deeper, he did not know. The voice hummed behind him, still at a similar distance.
“Fei.”
Lewis woke in the darkness, the features of his room barely limned with the weak moonlight from the window. A light sheen of sweat stuck to his skin, though it was not the work of humidity. He noticed himself erect, his boxers tented. Lewis furrowed his brow before checking his phone. It was four a.m. With a sigh, he turned on the bedside lamp and gathered himself for a day of fishing.
Friday
It was stilldark when Lewis emerged from the hotel’s front entrance, the neon sign feebly buzzing overhead. Winter’s sharp nails held fast to this spring morning, forcing Lewis to bundle himself in a heavy coat. The lonely highway stretched into the recesses of night on either side, only a single lane going in each direction. Lewis had to take out his phone and utilize its flashlight feature to find his way.
He crossed the pavement and met the edge of the levee. A flash of a lighter and the faint glowing tip of a cigarette gave away the presence of a man at the end of the pier. Assuming it was the local guide hired to take them out on the water, Lewis remained on the riverbank. He did not want to be the first to greet him, and so he patiently waited for the rest of the party to arrive.
Eventually, the headlights of a crossover came into view. It parked along the side and spewed out Ryan and his cohorts. Ryan patted Lewis on his back as he jogged down the pier to meet the guide. Perfunctory greetings were exchanged as the men followed in the groom’s wake.