Page 34 of Bound to a Monster

“That’s not going to happen,” I say and bury my feelings with a charming smile.

She looks unnerved. “I’m just saying, you can’t make unilateral decisions about my life without talking to me first.”

“This is me talking.” I move toward her, smile still in place. “I’ll drop you off at your father’s house this afternoon, and you can pack your things. Whatever you forget, we’ll send for later. You can have the right side of the closet, and we’ll get you a dresser. Take as much space in the bathroom as you want. If you need something, ask for it. But you’re not hiding from me, little fencer. I’m going to be a part of this baby’s life.”

Her jaw ticks. I can tell she’s pissed. Slowly, she pushes to her feet. “I want to keep our lives as separate as possible.”

“Not going to happen.”

“You can be a part of the baby’s life when they’re born,” she says, ignoring me. “You’re the father. I’m not that much of an asshole. And we’re stuck together too, so we might as well try to be cordial. But I’m not going to pretend like this is something more than it is.” She gestures in the air between us. “Because from my perspective, this is nothing more than a mistake.”

I know she’s right. This sudden change of heart I’m going through isn’t about her—it’s about the baby. And if she guarantees I’ll be in my child’s life, that should be enough.

Except it isn’t. It’s so far from enough.

Carmie’s my child’s mother. She’s mywife, even if it’s a mistake, like she seems to think. That doesn’t mean I love her or even like her very much, but it does mean that I’m going to make damn sure she’s protected, taken care of, and as healthy as possible for when this kid shows up.

I’m about to tell her all that when she suddenly turns pale, turns to the stairs, and bolts.

I watch in surprise. Who knew she could run that fast?

I follow, mostly because I’m not sure what else to do. My anger evaporates, replaced with something else.

Concern. Empathy.

It’s a very bizarre emotion. I’m not sure how to handle it.

The door to the hall bathroom is locked, but the sounds of her retching are hard to miss. I get her a glass of water from the kitchen and knock once it’s all quiet in there.

“Just go away,” she groans. “I’m fine. It’s morning sickness.”

“I brought you water.”

I think she’s ignoring me, but the door cracks open and she shoves her hand out. I give her the glass and it disappears back inside.

“Go away,” she repeats.

“Meet me downstairs when you’re feeling up to it. We’ll leave when you’re ready.”

I leave my wife—the mother of my child—to puke alone in the bathroom, deeply conflicted about how this new marriage is going and what I actually want from her.

Chapter 13

Carmie

There’s something messed up about my room.

It’s not the piles of stuff all over. It’s not the bedding tossed in a pile or the closet door hanging open.

It’s knowing that this isn’tmineanymore. And maybe it never was.

I’ve been staying here, but I never owned it, not really.

There were always rules and boundaries, and my father expected me to follow his every little whim. For the most part, I did my very best to make him proud, because I always thought that would get me something.

I hoped one day he’d understand that I’m a decent person.

If I played along, I’d eventually find some space of my own.

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