Page 106 of Bound to a Monster

“I’m pregnant, Dad. It’s nice to see you too.”

That knocks him off balance. It’s nice to see my father struggle to find words. Normally he’s got a comment, a quip, or some fucking lecture ready at all times, but right now he seems too stunned to form words.

My brothers quietly exit the kitchen.

“Guess that’s good,” he says at last. “You can’t fuck up the marriage. Now you’re stuck.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “That’s what you care about? Not that you’re going to become a grandfather soon?”

“I care about you doing the right thing, Carmie.”

“I know. You’ve been telling me my whole life.”

“And you’ve mostly listened, but sometimes you don’t seem to understand. If you want to get anywhere in this world?—”

“I have to play by the rules. Thanks, I’ve heard that one before.”

Dad puts his plate down on the counter with a clatter. “Did you come home just to give me attitude?”

For some reason, that does it. This man has been a controlling asshole my whole life, and finally, I have a little piece of good news for him, something that might even make him happy too, and he somehow manages to twist it around. That’s my father’s real skill in life: turning things sour.

“Honestly, I came here to see my brothers. I think I’m done seeing you.”

He snorts and gets a beer from the refrigerator. “That’s dramatic.”

“No, really, Dad, I mean it. Want to hear something funny?”

“Go ahead. Make me laugh.” He cracks his drink.

“I’m fencing again.”

“You’re doing what?”

“Fencing. You remember that, don’t you? I won state twice in a row. Remember? I had colleges recruiting me and you shut them all down?”

He’s frowning as he drinks. “I vaguely recall that.”

“You said it wasn’t proper for a lady. You said I didn’t need college. And you know what I did? I listened.”

“That’s because you’re not always an idiot.”

“No, Dad, I listened because I was weak. I let you push me around. I let you make my choices for me. I always thought oneday I’d get ahead, just like you promised, but it never happened. Now I realize that’s all on me, and that’s fine. I’m fencing again.”

“What the hell is this, Carmie? You always criticize my decisions? I have a laundry list of all the ways you’ve fucked up over the years.”

I turn my back on him. “I’m not interested.”

“You better get interested then, girl. I don’t give a shit that you’re pregnant or that you’re married.”

I walk away. I let my father rage as I go. His words don’t mean anything to me anymore. Dad doesn’t run my life, and he never should have. I can see it now so clearly it’s absurd.

I have a warrior in me, and I let that warrior starve to please my impossible father.

Never again.

“Don’t bother coming back!” Dad shouts as I walk down the stoop.

I don’t tell him that I’ll be in Canada for a while. It’s not like he’ll even notice.

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