Page 17 of Strider's Misstep

She seems content with that answer. “Hardly anyone from there comes around. And no one recently.” Lines appear on herforehead as she frowns. “I see it as a positive step that you’re here now. Colt’s been dealing with this all on his own for a very long time.”

Bowing my head, I shake it from side to side. “I think it’s the opposite.” Feeling no animosity from this unknown woman, I decide to come clean. “There’s nothing between me and Strider,Colt. Or there shouldn’t be. Both of us knew the score. Though he didn’t tell me about Anna, he made it clear that we weren’t in a relationship that was going anywhere.” I swallow. There’s something about this woman, maybe the empathy, that makes her a good nurse, but I suddenly have an urge to confide. “I, er, couldn’t hide my feelings that I wanted more.” Well, writing them in that damn book had made it obvious. “That’s why he brought me to meet Anna, so I could understand we’d never be anything more.”

She seems to ignore me, instead imparting more information. “Anna wouldn’t be alive now if he’d done what most do and consigned her to the hospital. She’d have given up long before now.” She stares at me, checking that I’m taking her words in. “He pays for full-time care. I’m just one of three nurses on rotation.”

When she pauses, I think she’s waiting for some platitude. I give it to her. “He loves her a lot.”

The nurse gives a slow, non-committal nod. “He loved her once. But now? If you ask me, it’s guilt that makes him give her everything he’s got.”

“Wouldn’t anyone?”

“Hell no.” She barks a laugh. “When it gets this hard, when the person loses all of themselves, hospice care is usually the option.” She gives me a piercing gaze. “He hasn’t brought anyone here before.” She gestures toward the woman in the wheelchair. “Anna’s not got much time left. You think you’re here to see he’s committed to someone else? I think it’s so youcan see what he’s facing. Colt will need someone when she’s gone.”

Is she suggesting I wait around for someone to die before making a move on the man? Before answering, I consider. Maybe I have been hanging around the club, probably outstaying my welcome, hoping that Strider would notice me and want me as the woman in his life. His reaction to the pregnancy should have been a huge red flag, but I buried my head in the sand and hung on, trying to read something different in his reaction to what it really was. But by bringing me here, I can see how much Strider loves his wife. Being with me was only ever a way to satisfy his male urges, which she could no longer fulfil. And, dead or alive, she’s always going to be number one in his life. While I’m unable to compete with a living woman, it’s unlikely I’d ever win out over a ghost.

Coming here has shown me there’s absolutely no hope.

I feel for Strider. My heart breaks knowing he’s soon going to lose the love of his life. That he’s not approached me for sex in months, that he’s been avoiding me, shows I’ve become a distraction rather than a comfort. That’s not going to change. Strider’s got his brothers to be there for him, and Haley or Kat, the other club girls, if he needs his itch scratched.

I finish my coffee, pick up my bag and rise. “Can you tell Strider that I understand?”

She too gets to her feet and brushes her hand over her tidy hair. She sounds anxious. “Don’t go. I didn’t mean to chase you out.”

“You didn’t,” I rush to reassure her. “I heard what you said, but I’ve received his message loud and clear.” In my head, my plans are already made. I’ll call an Uber, go back to the club, pack, and then leave town. A motel room will suffice until I find something permanent. I’ve got money in my bank account, andas long as I keep publishing books readers want, enough to live on, hopefully, coming in month to month.

Her hands wring together. “At least wait until Colt comes back inside and tell him yourself.”

I shrug, and huff. “He’s brought me here to explain why he can’t offer me anything.”

Taking a step toward me, she places her hand on my arm. “Don’t give up on him, please. However much he wills Anna to recover, that’s one thing she won’t be doing. He’ll need someone…” Her voice trails off, and I fill in the blanks.

But I can’t be someone who can make up for the true love he’s lost. I need to be wanted for me, not as a substitute for someone else.

Giving her a nod to show I acknowledge her words, even if I don’t accept them, I edge out of the door. Casting my eyes to my left, I see Strider standing outside the back door. Turning in the other direction, I head out of the main entrance. I exit quietly, walk past the SUV, down to the fence, then walk another few yards before pulling out my phone to summon a rideshare.

How he can move so quietly, I’ll never know, but a deep voice sounds from beside me.

“Running out without saying goodbye?”

Mentally, I’m already one step removed from him, the decision made to leave the club, and therefore his influence, though he’ll never lose the respect I hold for him. Therefore, I don’t feel like a child caught red-handed and make no excuses. “There’s nothing more to be said between us.”

Placing his hand on my shoulder, he swings me around to face him. “I brought you here so you could understand?—”

“I understand, alright,” I interrupt, not allowing him to finish. My palm finds his chest, feeling the fast beating of his heart. “I came to the club when I was desperate. I was prepared to do whatever it took to get sanctuary. But somehow, I waslucky enough to catch your eye.” When he goes to speak, I shake my head. “It’s not your fault. You made it plain all along, but I allowed hope to build up in my mind.”

Strider rolls his head back and emits a long sigh. “It’s not all on your side.” He lowers his eyes, catching mine. “Anna’s dying.”

“Strider,” I say as gently as I can. “I couldn’t compete with the real woman, and I won’t be able to compete when she’s not alive. She holds your heart. I can’t take second place, not now, not in the future.”

At that point, the Uber I called turns up. It’s my cue to leave, not to extend this, not to draw out the painful end to something that never really began. I hold out my hand. Bemused, he stares at it for a moment before moving to take it.

I give a quick shake, but he squeezes and holds on tight.

“No, Strider,” I force myself to say firmly. “I hope you can find peace in your future, but I’ve nothing to offer you.” Under my breath, I add the word now. Who knows what the years ahead will bring? Maybe at some point, our two lost souls might rediscover each other. But he’s got his life to lead, which unfortunately includes watching his one love die.

He opens his mouth, but I reclaim my hand, step to the Uber, open the door, and sit inside.

I don’t look back. With the tears in my eyes, I wouldn’t see much even if I had. I don’t know if he waited until I was out of sight or immediately went back inside.

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