Page 14 of Strider's Misstep

I perch myself at one end. He sits at the other but turns to face me. This situation is so far from what I imagined. For a moment, I focus on Anna. “Can she see or hear us?”

His gaze shifts from me. “Her eyes follow movement, but at this point it’s unlikely she’d be able to understand what she’s seeing. Same with hearing, she doesn’t react to anything, even her name anymore.”

Even so, I feel uncomfortable being here, especially seeing how Strider’s expression gentles as he continues to stare at his wife. I’m just about to say I should go when he starts to confide,“Anna and I were childhood sweethearts. Right from the start, I knew she was the one.”

His statement puts me completely in my place. There was never any room for me. However ill she is, he’s letting me know I could never compete, and all my foolish dreams about him and I were doomed from the start.

If only he’d been honest with me.I couldn’t have turned his approaches down. That was my bargain with the club. Sex for protection. But it would have meant I’d have shielded my heart. Knowing the truth would have meant I’d never have fallen for him. A cheater was never on my agenda.

Not understanding why he couldn’t have simply just told me, I realise there’s nothing more to say. Placing my hands on the sofa, I start to push to my feet.

He sees my movement and, stretching over, places his hand on my arm. “Please, Jasmine. I need to get this off my chest. Please spare me a moment. Just listen to me.”

His tone is uncertain, almost vulnerable. If he had demanded, I’d have left, but his demeanour has me sitting back in my seat. When he doesn’t immediately start talking again, it seems breaking the silence is up to me. “Will she recover?”

My question sparks him to glance sharply my way before he heaves a big sigh. Then he inches closer, taking my hand in his as though he needs a human connection. “No.” I inhale sharply, but he’s already moved on. “We were in high school together. When we left, I joined the Marines. Anna stood beside me all the way. She was so proud of what I’d accomplished, liked to show me off and boast about me going away and fighting for my country. And hey, what red-blooded man doesn’t want his wife to look up to him? She worried about me when I was overseas, of course, but I suppose being the big brave man, I downplayed the risks that I faced daily. I did my time but couldn’t do it anymore. After eight years, I got out.” His teeth clench, and he moves his jaw side toside to release them. “I’d seen things no man should ever see and heard screams no one should ever hear. I could tell Anna was disappointed, but still, she stood by me.

“On US soil, I floundered. I couldn’t find my place. Being a Marine was the only thing I’d ever known, and civilian life wasn’t for me. Then I found the Wretched Soulz MC.” He stops, considers me for a moment, then resumes, “Well, they found me. They threw me a lifeline, a way of living that I could understand, and once again, to be part of a team. Anna,” he points at the woman in the wheelchair, “couldn’t fathom what attracted me to the MC, and tried all she could to keep me away. Despite her objections, I knew this club was the only thing that was going to ground me. Fuck knows where I’d have ended up without my brothers.”

Hie eyes glaze slightly as mentally he drifts back in time. “I’d come home a damaged man, unable to fit into society. Anna did her best, but she couldn’t give me all I needed. I wanted purpose, direction. I tried to do what she wanted. At first, I turned down the Soulz approaches and attempted to live a citizen life. But something was calling to me, and I bought myself a motorcycle. Hell, how I loved the freedom it gave me. When Anna saw that, she knew that she’d lost.

“For a moment, she tried. She pretended to be enthusiastic about the bike, and when I asked her to come for a ride, she agreed even though I could see she didn’t really want to. She rode stiff, scared, and, hell, I wasn’t an experienced rider. When a truck blew me off at a junction, I lost control and dropped the bike. She never rode with me after that, and since her, I’ve never had another woman riding behind me.”

Something pushes me to ask. “Was she hurt?”

He grimaces. “It didn’t appear so, but she had banged her head. Cops turned up, ambulance, too. They took her in and said she might have a concussion, but just told me to keep an eye onher during the night, and didn’t seem to think it was serious. She woke up the next day with just a mild headache.”

He laughs softly in a mirthless way. “She did use it to try to stifle my new desire for two wheels. For a while, I suppose it worked. I endeavoured to find a job, but how could you go from being a respected Marine to being a lowly mechanic with a man with a paunch who’d never seen action in his life spending his day shouting crap orders at you? Telling you how to do something you could do blindfolded.” He shakes his head as mentally he goes back in time. “Anna saw it was slowly killing me, so, against her better judgement, when she got really worried about my mental health, when she could see there were no other options, she capitulated but made two stipulations. If I joined the Wretched Soulz, I didn’t draw her into the club, and our marital life was to be kept completely out of it. The other?” Wincing slightly, he looks at me, then straightens his shoulders. “That we fulfil the original desire of us both. That we start a family.”

Quietly I suck in air, pain lancing my heart as another nail is hammered into my coffin. He wanted her to be the mother of his kid, but not me.

Ignoring my reaction or not acknowledging it, he carries on talking. “I agreed to both conditions. I became a hangaround, then prospected, and got my full patch. True to my word, I kept her out of the club. Easy in some ways as I was never in danger of sharing club business with my old lady. She didn’t want to know. She never wore my property patch, attended events, or came on rides. While I didn’t set out to keep her a secret, many brothers who joined the club after me didn’t know of her existence.”

I can’t help myself. I snort. “I bet that was hard. No one questioned you going with the whores?”

His move is just short of violent as he uses his grip on my hand to pull me around to face him. “I never cheated onAnna. I didn’t take advantage of the women in the club. Anna was enough for me.” He grimaces and looks away. From the sideways view, I can see his Adam’s apple bobbing in his neck as he swallows. “Well, at that time, anyway.” He coughs to clear his throat. “We were too busy trying to get pregnant. I wasn’t wanting for sex.” He huffs a sad laugh.

“You have a child? Children?” Christ, this is getting worse. Though I’ve glanced around, the walls are empty of any family photos. Just a portrait of him and Anna in much younger and clearly happier days.

A rapid shake of his head. “We tried and tried, but she didn’t fall pregnant. She started to get depressed. I just thought it was because she yearned to have a baby. We went to doctors, but they had no answers. Give it time, they said, but still, whatever we did, didn’t take.”

And I fell at a drop of a hat…Guilt floods through me. I can now understand his reaction. Can see it through his eyes. He wasn’t able to give the woman he loved a child, yet found himself getting a club whore pregnant instead.

I swallow my gasp as he continues without realising the effect his words had on me. “I wanted a child with her. Wanted to fulfil her needs. Then Rooster died…” His voice trails off, and he looks at me expectantly.

I take a moment to process what he said, then answer the unspoken question. “The old Prez?” I wasn’t there at the time, but have heard his name mentioned and seen the pictures on the walls.

“Yeah,” he confirms. “He was like a father to me. Hesawme. He was the one who found a disillusioned retired Marine drowning his sorrows in a bar. He saw me as a damaged man, understood what I’d been through, and how much I needed the life and brothers around me. He waited until I’d come around, then sponsored me into the club. When we lost him, I couldn’tbelieve it. It was so unexpected, I wasn’t prepared. It hit me, all of us, hard.”

Now it’s me squeezing my fingers to his. I feel forced to say, “I’m so sorry.” And I genuinely am. I cast my mind back to the stories I’ve heard, and what I’m looking for comes into my mind. “He had a bad bike accident, didn’t he?”

CHAPTER FIVE

STRIDER

Assailed by memories, it takes me a moment to respond to Jasmine’s question with anything other than a simple nod. Rooster had indeed lost his life, and devastatingly, not with dignity against a human enemy but a six-wheeler truck. A blown tire, rubber flying down the road, he had no chance when the debris had crashed into his bike.

A useless waste of life.

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