Page 50 of Fire Meets Fire

“My turn,” I remind her, waiting for her acquiescent nod. “I understand more than you know about not having space for a relationship in my life. I may not have had to fight because of my gender, but I’ve had to be the best, to deserve to be this club’s president and ensure I give all to the club every day.” Though I’d been at risk of throwing that all away. I still find it unbelievable how little that matters. “Our pasts shape us, they don’t define us. You deserve to be the person you’ve become, and not be burdened by your past, but stronger for it.”

Queenie—yeah, she should leave all prior labels behind her now, she’s my queen, or hopefully will be—stares into my face. Her mouth works, but for a moment she doesn’t know what to say. Instead of words, her fist comes out and punches me lightly in the chest, then she does it again.

“I don’t know what you’ve done to me, Chaz,” she finally begins. “You don’t scare me, and I want to be close to you. I want you to touch me… I’m just so fucking scared that I won’t be able to…”

“Hey.” I cup my hand under her chin as her voice trails off, forcing her to look into my eyes. “That I’m aroused doesn’t mean I need to do anything about it. I can wait until you’re ready.” I swallow hard. “I can wait a lifetime for you.”

“But what if I don’t want to wait?” As I raise a querying eyebrow, she continues, “You don’t want me to walk into that den of vipers alone, and I’m not going to stand by and let you take the risk instead of me. Whatever we do, the chances are that one or the other of us aren’t going to come out of this alive. Before I die, I want to again have sex on my own terms, to remind myself what it should be like.”

She’s not going to die, I vow. But if I take her place, I might. It’s a big temptation to take what she’s offering while we can. I don’t like thinking of the men who took advantage of her, but I don’t even want to consider any men she had before she was captured. I know she’s got a past, just like I have, but if we do this, if we actually go there, then there are two things I’m sure of. “When I finally get inside you, I won’t be evoking memories,” I growl. “You give yourself to me and I’ll take you to places you’ve never dreamed of.” I pause, make sure I’ve got her full attention, then add, “But it would be no fuckin’ goodbye. This is the start of something. If you give yourself to me, it’s for fuckin’ life. I’ll want you to be my ol’ lady, maybe even my wife.”

I might have surprised both of us with that statement, but know immediately as the words leave my mouth, every single fucking word is true. I’m not going to let Queenie slip through my fingers. For that, I’m going to need her to stay very much alive.

“And,” I continue, watching as her jaw drops to the floor, “it will be no quickie out here in the wild. It will be in my bed, and it won’t be fucking. It will be making love.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

HELO

Chaz wants me?I knew he wanted me sexually, no woman could miss the signs. But to think of a permanent relationship? I don’t know how to begin to process that. And making love? Sex has always been a function for me, a transaction between two consenting partners at best, a lack of consent and control at the worst. I haven’t any expectations, just hopeful of just being able to get a pleasurable release. I’ve never known tenderness after doing the deed. Sometimes a perfunctory thank you was all I got. But on my part, I’d never needed anything more. I didn’t need distractions. So focused on my career, nothing was going to divert me from that.

But Chaz? Something drew me to him from the first moment we met. In the beginning it was because I wanted to get something over on the smirking MC prez, but though I fought it, there’s no denying I’d felt the growing attraction between us.

What would a man like Chaz want from a relationship? While I don’t know his exact age, I’d put him in his early forties, half a dozen, maybe ten or so years older than me. If he hasn’t yet found someone to spend his life with, why should he want to change now?

I know my plan for getting information from the Dominators is risky, particularly due to the affliction that affects me. But up to now I hadn’t considered I had very much to live for, even if I could come out of hiding and stop always looking behind me. Those fucking terrorists had destroyed the woman I was. And if my demise results in me taking a den of Dominators along with me, well, personally, I can’t see much wrong with that. When you serve you, however much you might put it out of your mind, there’s always a risk you could die. The odds so great you need to make a will to leave behind you. My desire for life has taken a large hit. Without being able to fly, what the fuck do I do now?

And here’s Chaz, offering me a future, a glimpse of something I’d considered out of my reach. While, before him, I could never imagine allowing a man to touch me again, let alone wanting him to, my body has already started to crave his. It’s still debatable whether my mind will allow things to proceed, but there’s starting to be a part of me that says I don’t want to die without at least giving it a try. Hence my push for Chaz to just take me.

That’s not playing to his plan. He wants to ensure we both survive, holding that tantalising image of sex with him as a bribe.

I don’t want him coming into the Dominator’s club with me. There’s so much that could go wrong. With or without me, Chas has got a life worth living, and a family of sorts behind him.

Since his intense declaration, I’ve stood still as a stone while my thoughts have been racing. Obviously Chaz has come to the conclusion he’s stunned me.

He sends a wary glance my way. “Too much too soon?”

“Too much,” I tell him. But before he can take that as a complete rejection, I carry on, “I’ve never thought about slowing down and simply living, enjoying life. Never had a chance before. First, I had to get out of the fucked-up childhood I had, then I soon learned being a soldier wasn’t enough. As a female,I had to continually fight to wear the uniform, and then that became habit and I never stopped. Before I could even near the pinnacle of what I could achieve, that was taken away. Now, I’m Stateside, with a destroyed career, but I still can’t fucking stop. Not with some bastard trying to kill me.” I pause, collecting my thoughts, wanting to find the right words to put forward what I’m thinking. “I’ve never had the time to take something for myself, or to try what you’re describing as a relationship.”

He offers a wry shrug. “You’ve never been loved. Truth is, I’ve never found that myself. Or not until I met you.”

“You think you love me?”

His eyes close and his brow creases as he thinks for a few seconds. Then his startlingly dark pupils are regarding me again. “I’ve never wanted someone riding behind me. Nor thought that my life would be better for having you in it. I love my club, yet I almost gave that up because of you. Now I value my life much less than yours. Is that love?”

What is love? I answer him honestly. “I’ve never been drawn to someone as much as you. As it’s out of my experience, I can’t say more than I’d like to explore it. And I can’t with that asshole at my back.”

Chaz’s eyes harden, then he pulls me into him. Rather than feeling trapped by his steel embrace, I allow myself to feel cherished. “We’re going to get rid of the fucker and not by you blowing yourself up.”

“Last resort,” I murmur against his chest.

It’s him who initiates the kiss this time. Our lips touch, our tongues explore, our hands caress. My heart rate and breathing speed up, only to be matched by his. His hardness pushing at my groin makes me aware of a throbbing inside me. I’m about one breath away from sayingfuck this making love shit, just fuck me nowwhen he pulls away. He rests his forehead against mine.

“Now we’ve both got a good fucking reason to go get your shit squared away.” His eyes hold mine. “And without either of us dying.”

Without giving me a chance to object, he takes a firm hold of my hand and starts leading me back down the track. For the first few steps my thighs make my core ache as they rub together, but seeing as he’s stepping extra wide paces, I know he’s affected the same way.

As we descend though, our breaths even out and our posture gets back to normal as thoughts of a sexy time put in abeyance are replaced by the seriousness of what we do next. I’ll never have a chance to find out what Chaz can offer with a price on my head.

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