Page 95 of Vengeful Lies

What the fuck am I doing?

I can’t breathe.

I fish out my phone, which is almost dead, and call Craig. He answers on the second ring. “Tell me what to do,” I demand, shocked by the desperation in my voice and how quietly I’m whispering into the phone, paranoid that anyone could hear.

“What’s happened?” Craig asks, and I can tell he’s on his feet already.

My bottom lip wobbles, and suddenly, I’m on the verge of tears.

What?

I try to keep my tone neutral as I consider my next words. “I don’t think I can complete the hit.”

My voice is shaky, and I hate how it sounds. It’s the first time I’ve said it out loud. I detest the tear that slides down my cheek as I realize with utter clarity the force of what I feel for Eli Monti, which is exactly why I have to leave New York.

“Your client will put a hit onyouif you don’t finish the job. You understand that, right? Is he worth it?” Craig effectively summarizes the situation I’m in without further digging. I’m nodding my head, realizing the gravity of my decision.

I only got one gun back from Eli. I’ll be leaving everything else behind. I wanted all of my father’s guns, but I only have two choices. Put a bullet in Eli’s head or flee with only a fragment of my father and all the new memories of Eli.

I have to leave. I refuse to run the risk of telling Eli about the hit and have him turn on me.I’d rather leave, wondering if what we have between us was ever real, than having him laugh in my face for falling for this orchestrated hoax.

I’ll walk on my own terms instead of giving anyone else that power.

Only I can protect myself, and if I foolishly choose to protect him in the only way I know how, then so be it.

“Yes,” I reply. “I understand,” I admit defeat. I never thought I’d be so weak for a man. Especially one as unhinged as Eli. Butit makes me all the more foolish to realize I’ve fallen for a man who probably still has every intention of discarding me.

“Okay then. You know the contingency plan. I’ll take care of the rest. But Jewel, are you sure about this? It’ll ruin everything you’ve built.”

I let out a shaky breath in disbelief that I’ve been careless enough to let myself get caught up in this. I look at the ring on my finger. I don’t have a right to it. As much as I love it and the fact that his mother gave it to me, I have no right to this ring or claim to the man.

I fell for our lie, and I can’t leave anything else to chance.

I’ll leave alone, slipping into the shadows I was so used to before.

At least there, I was safe from these emotions.

I try not to cry as I think about my mother’s disgusted face as she realized I was different and then turned her back on us. She had the same expression of contempt at my father’s funeral when she learned it was Craig who took me in.

My father always said it’d just be us. And then he left, too.

A tear slides down my cheek as, one more time, I try to steel myself to say goodbye.

No one can love me, but it’s okay if I love them…

Just this once.

Only once more.

But I’m not brave enough to face the reality if Eli decides to walk away from me, too, so I’ll walk away from him first, even when it will cost me my reputation, career, and safety.

I agree with all of this, and I pray silently that all of this pain just goes away.

With years of feeling no emotion, I don’t know how to handle its might.

I close my eyes and clear my throat, pushing it all back down.

I just have to keep moving forward.

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