Page 87 of A Kingdom of Destruction

There wasn’t a way out. Cillian expected her answer, and anowasn’t going to cut it. She’d come too far to run, and if she did, he’d only make good on his word to track her down and bring her back.

He’d delight in the hunt the same way she did.

But how in the world would she survive the rest of her life with Roran around, knowing she’d put herself out there like a fool only to have him laugh?

Nora studied her, and Aven went straight again, willing her lady’s maid to say something. Or offer up her observation on the situation. Nora only sniffed before she reached for Aven to guide her into the vanity chair, her movements deft and her touch somehow gentler than usual.

“Everything is going to be just fine. No matter what is happening now or how difficult it feels, things work out in the end," Nora lied. “They always find a way to work out.”

“Sure.” Aven met Nora’s eyes in the mirror, her own pale and lacking emotion.

Nora noticed the difference, and her brow flickered higher, but her hands were deft and sure as they unwound the braid from the day and shook out the strands. “Soon you will have too much to occupy your mind to worry. You will be with the crown prince, and you will have an integral part in running the kingdom.”

The Crown Prince… but not the one her blood sang for.

All in her head.

Fantasies.

Pathetic.

“Will I, though?” Aven hazarded to ask. “I’m a human, Nora.” She pushed her hair out of the way to show her rounded ears,like it was some kind of unmistakable sign. Well, it was. “It doesn’t matter if I agree to marry Cillian or not. I’ll never be an equal partner, and I’ll never be responsible for anything more than they’d allow me. We both understand it.”

It wouldn’t be any different with Roran, she reminded herself. She’d still be a human in a relationship with a fae. He’d still outlive her.

He didn’t want her.

She’d deluded herself into thinking physical chemistry meant something more. It was only skin deep. The electricity she felt, the way she wanted to get closer to him… all in her head.

She knew it now.

And even though she’d expected it, his words stung nonetheless.

Aven urged her face to become a mask of calm. Her emotions were too close to the surface, bubbling and ready to explode, for her to say much more on the subject. Nora took the hint without any prompting, finishing her hair before moving on to makeup.

Once they finished painting Aven’s lips, she dressed her, tied the sash around her waist, and set Aven in front of the mirror for final looks.

“You look beautiful. Like a lady of the court.”

She’d never be on their level. Aven locked her knees to keep from trembling, but the emotions behind the shaking were too complicated for her to dissect and isolate one.

Had it been worth this to shoot her shot with Roran? When he clearly wanted nothing to do with her? She’d thought herself brave for taking the chance, but now she wondered if she would have felt better if she’d kept her mouth shut.

Probably.

Aven tried to tell herself she was brave. Her mental pep talk fell a little short.

It was clear as day: she’d embarrassed herself. Looked like a lovestruck girl in front of a man who only wanted to bed her once—if he even wanted that.

She made it through dinner, through the show of pretending she held herself together.

The moment she was alone for the night, she crashed. The emotions she’d held at bay came over her quickly, and the tears sprang free. One night. To let it all out. To rage and scream and cry, whatever she felt, before she pulled it together with the first morning light.

One night before she had to accept responsibility for real this time.

Not that the weight had been any less before. Aven was used to having it slope her shoulders. Making the decision, this life-altering decision, brought tears to her eyes in a way few things had before. She’d cried for her family when they died and at times for the men on the battlefield when they fell in their duty of protecting the Grimrose.

Nothing like this.

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