Page 82 of Ava Stargazer

“You made a huge step forward today. Use the knowledge gained, or the risks of getting it would not have been worth it. Vox will not be giving up. Neither will I.”

Ava gazed down at Vox.Hopefully the knowledge is worth it.

“But, Ava. Look at me, Female. I’m making a point.” He waited until he had her eyes, then spoke clearly, sincerity ringing in his voice. “Do not live so much in the past that you throw your future life away. You're right in that there is a balance there.”

Ava felt stung by his words. That the implication of how she approached things was wrong. A bit of fire rose in her. She looked back down at Vox and said softly, “I could say the same for you, Rhutg, to not live in the past.”

She regretted the snap a second later when she heard the strain in Rhutg’s voice as he answered, “I know. It’s also easier tosay this than to do it. But I know that this is true...” He took a deep breath and finished, “For both of us.”

“Sorry, Rhutg.”

Silence filled the room after her apology. He broke it a few heartbeats later, tapping the bed next to her. “Let’s get what we found sorted. And see where it leads. We found one Human already.”

“Okay.” She added in a small voice, “And it is good Cipra is now gone.”

He clapped her on the knee as he stood. “It is. Others will help too, Ava. With what we gathered. It is no longer just about you alone. If a cover-up like this is happening—it is bigger than just the Humans.”

Ava nodded and went back to stroking Vox’s face. The politics of it all, beyond her only goal of trying to locate more Humans, was hard for her to grasp.None of that will reverse time and stop what happened to the Earth in the first place.

“Yes, but it still is good to know. About how the universe we live in operates. We won’t be seeking any alliances with the Riolie anytime soon now, for instance.”

Of course Rhutg was still listening to her. She fixed him with a glare.“Go away.”

Rhutg chuckled and stopped shining. “His mind is snapping back. I’ll lecture him more when he wakes up. He will be fine after a good sleep, and a time of not overextending himself. He just needs to learn his limits and to not be the only hero.”

“But he is my hero. In a lot of ways.” She looked up to smirk at Rhutg’s disgusted expression from her words.

Rhutg let out an exasperated chuckle. “Stars above, don’t tell him that and feed his ego even more. He needs to let others step up too.” He turned to walk out before pausing at the doorway. “I’ll come to check back in later.”

“Okay,” Ava said softly as he left. She paused a moment before whispering in the direction he went, “Thank you, Rhutg.”

His footsteps paused at her words, but he didn’t come back to talk more. A moment later the familiar ping of the engine room door sounded, indicating he’d left.

She went back to studying Vox’s slack face. The tremors in his limbs were still going on, but lessened. She felt much better hearing from Rhutg that he would be alright.

“I meant it though, Vox,” she said quietly, whispering over his frilled head.How could he think I might want someone other than him?“But more than being my hero, I need you to be safe here with me.”

And in the background noise of the engine, with only Vox’s breathing and mild shaking to break up the sound, Ava thought hard about a world where that was the only thing she was worried about.

Ava ran her fingers over him lightly. He trembled under her touch, and she rubbed each part of him that moved.He’s mine. He was so dear to her. His talk earlier about choices and desperation made her insides swim. So what if he was the first relationship for her? Maybe it was fate initially, but she is choosing him now. She bent over his head and said softly, “Did you know, Vox? You’re the first person I’ve loved that I feel like I’ll get to keep forever. And grow old with, whatever that looks like for me.” She kissed him on the forehead. “I want to live with you. Actually live. I want my whole life to be that.”

Her hand went to her arm and she fingered the tracker there, before she alternated arms and pressed on the fertility blocker in the other.The children I have would look like him.She let go a second later. Ava repositioned herself in the bed to sit back easier while holding his head and cradling him on her lap. She idly sang the lullaby pieces she remembered like she did the firsttime he’d shaken like this, on the way back from Torga, when her mind was truly more broken than it was now.

Why is that? Why am I not as hurt as back then?She still didn’t want to think about Cipra, but she also didn’t go into as dark of a place as she had feared after visiting. Back at Torga her mind had been attacked, and she was hurt by her memories, thinking her family would be upset with her. But that was not true. Seeing that room, seeing Cipra, it gave her a sense of closure she didn’t have before.Especially knowing that my mother is gone.The place the memories whispered from was subdued now, at least a little. Maybe time really was helping her to heal. Or at least, learn to endure better.And knowing that they would not be upset at me. For living.It was different too, seeing it as an adult now versus as a child. She stroked Vox’s face and considered.It was a lot less scary knowing I could leave. That I was in control this time.And she did it. She went back and got all the records; she did something. Just like with Joy.

Vox was quiet, and she tucked herself in tightly at his side as she worked through this in her mind. She covered them both back up with the patchwork blanket as she continued humming and thinking.

From where they lay, she could just see the biologics swirling in the tank outside the door. Ava watched them from the alcove for a while. At the tank hidden down here in the engine hall.

Like her.

The connection snapped into place, thinking as she was about freedom and choices.They’re captives too, in a different way, huh.Ava frowned and touched the container on her chest.Hidden away by the Phor. Like I was. Down here in the engine hall.The container lay, swirling merrily, on her chest. She removed her hands from Vox and turned the container over, watching them pulse in response.Why did I never realize that before?

She said out loud to the container, “You don’t even have a classification like Humans do. You just are the Phor’s biologics, and not even recorded at all. Sort of like the Yar with the Riolie.”

The container swirled faster. She said softer, “That’s right, isn’t it?”

Hidden away. That’s how secrets are kept.Her hands froze on the biologics. Her mind went over that thought again. And again.

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