Page 64 of Ava Stargazer

Vox just shook his head, breathing deep. “Sweet bird. You’ve lived half a life. Who would you be and what would you want if you were just ... Ava?”

Ava didn’t have an answer to that.I don’t know.Only, she felt wrong to think of Vox being away from her. Her hands churned in her lap. “Can’t I figure that out with you?”

His look was soft in response. “Yes, but I do want to clarify this between us. I want you with me because of me, not just because I was the first one there. I deserve this as well. When we get backto Xai, if you change your mind, Ava, you can choose differently. We might find Human males at some point as well; that might change things.”

Ava heard his words, but also took note of his hands balled at his side, belying his stress. Her stomach sank, and she felt jittery and nervous at the thought of him backing away, abandoning her.No.Blood pounded in her ears.No no no.The thoughts of other men coming, like Zeed, made her break out in a sweat. “Please, I don’t want any others.” She shook his hand and tears started to form in her eyes. “Look, inside.” Ava shook his hand again and her voice came out in a cry. “Please.”

He connected, and she continued, whispering. “I am who I am now. All I know is ... I feel damaged sometimes, Vox. But I know I’m better when I’m with you.” She sputtered as she forced out the words. “A lot of the time, actually. I don’t know what I should be doing on Xai. Outside of this ship I feel exposed, like whatever I do is wrong. And I don’t understand so much. About anything. And I’m always so different. To everyone. And they all look at me for what I am instead of who I am.”

Vox cleared his throat. “Ava . . .”

She raised her head, looking him in the eyes. “But I do know I just want you. You look at who I am.” Ava calmed as he hummed to soothe her, his eyes reflecting her pain. Her heart pounded fast.“I feel like I’m in trouble. I’m sorry.”

Vox reached out to wipe her eyes.“You’re not. You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

Her hands shook.“I’m ... I’m . . .”

She felt Vox calming her mind. His eyes were vulnerable as they looked at her.“I feel it in you. Your confusion. I don’t like being unsure.”

The distance was too much for Ava. She climbed over to him. He held her at arm’s length for a moment, connecting foreheads with her.

His tone was strained as he said, “Why are you really connecting, Ava? Is it for me, or because you feel so lost inside?”

Ava cried and choked out, reaching for him, “Both. I want you, and you’re where I feel safest.”

Vox relented, opening his arms, and Ava folded into him like she wanted to, becoming small until her entire body was enclosed by his. She stayed like that until her heartbeat became calm and the jitters in her stomach went away. Then she said, voice low, “You won’t leave me?”

“No, Ava. How could I?” Vox murmured into her hair.

They sat like that a moment before Ava said in a small voice, “It’s even harder when I don’t know everything. You assume what I need a lot. Like before, about what my mind can handle with the mark. I wish you had explained everything earlier. That’s not helping.”

Vox shone mutely, connecting with her. “If I say it is in my nature, would you forgive me?”

Ava chuckled a bit. “Sai said Vorbax males are intense when I went to the women’s area. She wasn’t kidding.”

She felt Vox shrug. “I will work on not being the only one making the decisions. We should agree together on what our future looks like.”

Ava rubbed her face in his chest, removing the few tears she had left off her face. “I just want you, Vox.”

His arms constricted around her. “Yes, Ava. But if you choose me and I mark you, that will be permanent. You would be mine, forever. I love you intentionally, not because of fate. I will not give you up after that, even if you change your mind. Even if Human males are found. It is not to be taken lightly.”

She reached up to pat the side of his face. “Please stop this talk of ... others. It hurts for me to think of. Vox, you may have been the first, but you are also teaching me how to live. You’re not taking anything away.”

He was slow to respond. “Yes, Ava.”

Ava let him hold her a bit, still feeling uneasy. She had another question, but was unsure if she should ask.

He spoke, pressing his face into her, still mutely shining. “What else?”

Ava looked down, not wanting to talk about this while fire still rang in his voice. “Never mind.”

He swallowed, then said more calmly, “I’m not upset with you, Ava. It’s just hard to ... what else did you want to ask?”

The words from Zeed ran through her mind as Vox held her, waiting.He wants to breed you.She felt Vox wince, hearing her thinking that.

“It’s not like that, Ava.”

Ava didn’t say anything, but her mind went to Cipra. She had told him before why she didn’t want to have children right away, given what happened with her own mother. “I don’t know if I will ever want that.”Maybe. But not now.

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