Page 53 of Ava Stargazer

Despite the artificial gravity that kicked in the moment the ship made it back into space, Ava felt the difference in her gut. She had mixed feelings.Being up here, away from a planet, feels right, but also ... not right.Maybe she had started to form more of an attachment to Xai than she had thought, focused as she'd been on her eagerness to get back to what she knew rather than learning to settle.

Regardless, it was still a relief to be back on her ship where everything was familiar for a bit. Especially as they were heading to Cipra, which she expected would take a lot out of her. Ava frowned at herself, a bit frustrated that her thoughts kept creeping back to that place, where worry threatened to paralyze her.Don’t think about it.

She tapped her hands idly on the counter before turning to Vox, who was cleaning up from the repair Ava had just finished. Sai had assisted but returned to her cabin, wanting to settle in the crew quarters she claimed for herself. “Can I meet the others coming with us? Tiral?”

Vox looked upward, eyes glazed over as he shone and connected with others in the ship. “Yes, it should be fine now. The young ones Tiral is training have all gotten over the initial shock of space flight. Their nervousness is abating now, much less potent. It should be easier for you to be around them.”

“I didn’t realize that was what we were waiting for.” Ava went to help him clean up the rest of the strewn metal, her habit of keeping the engine room clean and tidy still firmly in place. She hefted the broken piston in her hands.This can still be useful.She placed it in a box and indicated to Vox. “This could probably be sold for scrap still.”

“Yes. Here, I will be your muscle.” Vox smirked at her as he lifted the box, stacking it neatly on the wall before returning. “At any rate, these Vorbax kits on board with us now are young, much younger than Lirell.”

“Lirell isn’t so young anymore,” Ava said absently, remembering his much larger frame when she hugged him not too long ago.He has grown so fast.

Vox’s eyes tightened. “Yes. I probably should stop calling him young, as he is now almost fully grown, and has been in more battles than most adults back home.”

Ava thought of Lirell, and was proud to know he was growing strong. “He would probably appreciate that.”

Vox leaned against the counter. “These are true youngsters. They are still learning. Tiral has a good hand with them.”

“Tiral was the one who you fought alongside?”

“Yes, and Zeed. Zeed has always fought admirably as well ...” He shone a bit brighter, trailing off as he listened to and communicated with the others. “Come. Tiral is moving everyone into the solarium to meet you, as it’s one of the bigger areas. It also looks most like home, which will hopefully ease their nerves.”

Ava checked the gauges again before pushing away from the monitor. No alerts or warning signs flashed.It all looks fine now.She felt a flash of pride at doing the repair and being able to direct Sai with confidence. She tapped on the screen.All fixed.Sometimes she felt like she was fumbling her way so much on Xai that it was hard to remind herself she was capable of learning and doing complex things. Her shoulders straightened and she stood tall.But I can. I can learn almost anything, given enough time.

She walked toward Vox, who was already waiting out in the engine hall for her, closing the door to their alcove before she left. He gestured to the walls as the engine room doors closed behind Ava. “Are you going to paint all of them? All the walls?”

Ava shook her head, trying to envision the bare utilitarian gray any different. The curved sheet metal felt cold under her hand. “We’ll see how much paint we have. It wouldn’t work so well to have crazy designs all over it in case we useCelestialfor something official someday. I know Fijjak was talking about having it help transport some trade items.” She turned and looked at Vox, running her hand along the wall. “I just mostly want something special for the path I usually take. No one comes down here for official business, so I told Sai she could do whatever in this area.” Under her breath she continued, “And hopefully it might help me. The rest of the ship I was thinking we could just paint a solid color.”

Vox stopped in the hall and Ava stopped with him, still staring at the blank walls.It will be more colorful, at the very least.

His voice pitched lower as he looked at her speculatively. “Come here, Ava.”

“Huh?”

Vox stepped toward her, crowding in on her as he had long ago, when the attraction was still new between them and he was questioning who she was.

However, this time, Ava held no wariness in her eyes and no fear in her gut when he pressed into her, backing her up into the wall. “What?” she asked, feeling the metal against her back.

When he got close, he just caressed her cheek and looked in her eyes with a pained expression of his own as she leaned into his hand. “I know why you are painting them. These halls.”

The walls stretched between them as he gestured up and down. He sighed, closing his eyes, and then reopened them to fix on hers. “I wish you didn’t have to be a part of the ship takeover,Ava, back then. I know you don’t talk about it, but it was hard to see the bloodshed of those you once knew.”

Ava looked away and clenched her jaw. Her hands trembled a bit at her side.Oh, I don't want to think about that.

He held her tight though, and looked down at her as his tone gentled further. “I know you avoid talking about these things. But this needs to be said.”

Anxiety flushed through her body and Vox hummed, calming her, then touched her face, his fingers angled to the side like she liked as he spoke. “It’s difficult to talk about but it is important. You don’t have to share, but I do want you to listen. Your eyes, please.”

Ava swallowed, beginning to sweat, trying to shift away. Vox continued holding her gently until she finally stopped moving to look at him. Her tone was soft. “I know you needed to. Back then.”

After a pause he spoke, his voice pitched low. “What we did both was and was not necessary. We probably were a bit more ruthless than we needed to be, and impulsive. We felt so wronged being attacked ourselves that it was hard to think clearly in the moment and practice compassion as much as we should have. It is easier to look back now, from this side of things, and see things more rationally. I hope your time on Xai so far has shown you ... a different side of us.”

Ava lost the desire to duck away, touched by the vulnerability in Vox’s eyes. “It has ... but...” Emotions warred in her, bringing forward the real issue she felt. Her conflicting thoughts.

Vox tilted his head, waiting for her to speak. The hallways were silent except for the small hum of energy from the biologics in the walls. Her heart beat as if she were running before she said in a rush, “But I also know it is a front. The gentleness you show.”

“I am gentle when it counts. I wish that is all I ever had to be.”

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