Page 69 of Touch In Excess

He supposed there was a sadness to it because it was this platform that had allowed him to feel like he was special, unique, and wanted where he’d always been made to feel like a freak. Like a sideshow. Like some fulfillment of a random fetish that reduced him down to his cocks—a man whose personality and wants and needs didn’t matter because he had two dicks to fuck with, and that’s all he really should be.

He supposed that was one of the logical reasons he’d fallen in love with Skye: he wasn’t a freak to him.

He was just…Rami.

He was an Autistic artist with probably too many special interests and anxiety that was often off the charts. He was a man who cooked really good breakfasts and loved his family and hated the beach but loved the water. He was a man who grew up speaking Arabic and ASL but somehow still struggled to roll hisRs on certain words and for whatever reason could never keep his pinky down when he was signing the letterD.

He loved caterpillars but hated butterflies. He liked maghmour for breakfast in the morning because it was savory and labneh and honey with dinner because it was sweet. He hated the feeling of sand between his toes but felt at peace when he had bits of dried clay in the creases of his palms. He preferred sunset to sunrise, winter to summer, and between the ages of four and six, he wanted to play tambourine in a folk band.

He was an atheist, and yet he still prayed when things felt like they were at their worst. And every now and again, he reallydidfeel like Allah was watching over him.

He was so much and so little all at the same time, and somehow, the person he’d grown into was the perfect man for Skye. No adjustments, no compromise.

Just him.

They had a big, bright future together that was opaque for now, but he knew it would become clear soon enough. He wasn’t really sure he bought into the whole happily ever after thing because no one juststoppedbeing sad or angry or scared once they fell in love. But he knew all those things would be easier to bear with a partner who let him deal the way that came naturally to him.

So this was both an ending and a beginning, and he supposed he was allowed to be a little melancholy about it.

His phone buzzed, and Rami nearly jumped out of his skin before scrambling for it. There was a text waiting for him onthe screen, and the name alone allowed something in his gut to settle.

Skye: Can we call really quick?

Rami didn’t answer through text. Instead, he hit the FaceTime button and waited until Skye’s face filled the screen. When it did—with his squinting eyes and tiny smile that was for Rami and Rami alone—he felt his whole body relax, like someone pushed an Off button on his stress.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Marhaba, habibi,” Rami said very softly.

Skye laughed. “I won’t even tell you what my captions think you said. I’m glad I can read that off your lips now, though it would be nice to know if there was a sign for that.”

Rami snorted and rolled his eyes, signed hello, then used the sign his brother did for habibi—all four fingers brushing off his chin twice. It was kind of a catch-all for babe or sweetheart, but he liked it. And the way Skye’s face brightened, it was clear he did too.

“Are you okay?” Skye asked after a moment of silence.

Rami shrugged. “Nervous. It’s almost over. Tonight is the last auction.”

“Is that what you want?”

Rami had been asking himself that question, but he didn’t expect to hear it from Skye. He knew his lover was possessive. He knew he didn’t like sharing. He also knew Skye found it arousing to watch Rami play with himself, but he figured Skye would be celebrating that Rami would be ending his channel and that it would settle into whatever their new normal would be.

So it hadn’t been a real consideration.

“I…don’t know,” he admitted. “I mean, yes, I’m done with the auctions, but I’m not sure I want it all to go away. Is that wrong?”

Skye shook his head. “No, sweetheart. It’s not wrong. Maybe we can talk about it after the live tomorrow.”

Rami hadn’t known until that exact moment that was what he needed to hear. But the words grounded him because they were honest. “Yes.”

Skye’s smile softened. “Okay. Go get yourself ready. It’s almost time, and I have my bidding fingers all ready to go.” He wiggled the fingers of his left hand at the camera. “See you soon.”

“I won’t see you,” Rami pointed out.

Skye laughed. “But you can think of me.”

He could. And he absolutely would. He indulged in staring at Skye’s face for another long second, then ended the call without a goodbye because it wasn’t really that. It wasn’t a goodbye. It was a momentary pause until Skye was at his door and his arms were around Rami again.

He took a breath, then stared at his setup, and for the first time in a while, he felt like this was the right thing at exactly the right time.

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