Page 83 of To No End

“You’re now assigned to visit a Vesper nightly, until I see improvement and say otherwise.”

I didn’t dare go against his instruction, but everything inside of me wanted to as I bit my lower lip against the urge to argue.

“Face your fear, Cress,” was all he uttered as he exited the room, leaving me there with my guilt and hesitation.

CHAPTER

25

I had been sitting in the room staring at the glowing amber orb in the corner for a good hour. I knew it wouldn’t move or do a single thing unless I willed it to, but still, it scared me. Countless times I played through the scene of Saryn knifing that poor girl in my mind. I could convince myself that the orb felt no pain, but what I couldn’t convince myself of was that I wasn’t going to feel it inflicted upon me. Because that was the point.

I’d often walked past these doors on the way to the healing pools. The sound of screams coming from behind the doors haunted me. I knew why my peers were outperforming me, and it’s because they had thrown themselves into training with the Vespers. I was too scared to ask any of them about it, but now I wished I had. Where should I start? How should I begin?

The Vesper could only form from my imagination. But how was I to pick a face? I’m not supposed to have it embody people from my past I was attached to, so is the solution to pick a stranger? Someone I’ve seen walk by on a street, someone whosename I didn’t even know? But would the nameless or faceless motivate me to fight or hurt someone?

I pondered the thought for some time, and the best I could come up with was the gambler from the tavern. The way he grabbed my hand and the sharp words that were about to leave his loose lips before Trace had intervened. It was the closest I had ever been to being assaulted, and the closest thing I had to this kind of motivation.

I stared at the floating Vesper and set my intention in my mind. Recalling the greasy drunk from the bar as I watched the orb twist and quake, finally taking its new form. I gasped at the eeriness of the stranger’s silence, combined with once again seeing someone new in the isolation of Basdie.

His lack of movement and dead eyes frightened me. I slowly approached, keeping my guard up. His eyes followed me, and when I got close enough to his face, I could smell the alcohol on his breath and the sweat coming from his pores. I recalled his voice clearly and said the command, “Speak.”

Suddenly, the haunting sounds of the drunken gambler filled the room as he slurred his hateful words. “You’re a cheat and a filthy little whore!”

The words echoed through my memory and I stepped back fearfully. His words were full of spite, but he didn’t move, not a single flinch.

“How about I take you upstairs and let that pretty mouth of yours earn back your coin?”

I breathed deeply, feeling my anger flare. It was working. Letting him speak to me this way riled me up, and so I set my intention further.

“Whores like you belong on their knees. I’ll make those doe eyes water for me.”

Now I was seething, my skin feeling hot while my fingers twitched at the blade anchored to my thigh.

“When I’m done with you, I think I’ll break your sister in next…”

It was a split second before the intention was set, and the command echoed abruptly through my mind. “Fight me till you’re dead.”

Suddenly, the gambler lunged for me, his saliva foaming as he grabbed my shoulders and tried to tackle me to the ground. I spread my stance firmly and kneed him in the stomach. He bellowed in pain, backing away a few steps before lunging again.

He slammed into me, knocking me flat onto the cold stone ground. I could feel the weight of his body pressing me down as I writhed underneath him, trying to keep his mouth away from me.

“Stop fighting me, you know you want this, all the greedy whores do.”

I tried to shake myself out of the frozen shock—this wasn’t like sparring.

His words burned through me, and as I began to feel him rip and pull at my clothing, I could take no more. I reached for the blade at my thigh and began stabbing blindly, over and over, into his fat belly.

I could hear his shrill screams and wails. I felt the warmth of blood pouring over the blade in my hand, but I did not stop. I continued to scream and struggle below him, shoving the blade in till I felt him go limp and heard only my heavy breaths. I rolled his body off of me, and laid there panting, letting the panic recede.

I turned my head to the side to meet the still icy gaze of my attacker, when suddenly he began to quake and shrink, returning to its original form. The beauty of the glowing orb was a stark contrast to the ugly, terrorizing figure of the gambler. I braced myself on my elbows, still trying to catch my breath while staring at the Vesper, and when I turned to look down atmy bloodied hands and clothes, I was shocked to discover them pristine.

I moved myself back up to the cot and sat there trying to calm myself, but nothing would bring me down from this heightened state. My veins coursed with adrenaline. I knew who I wanted to call upon, but I wouldn’t let myself. Not yet. Not until I was strong enough to know the difference between truth and this false reality.

Instead, I called upon someone with a calming energy. I looked at the Vesper and let myself remember all my favorite of Nori’s features. The dimples when she smiles. The way her hair is somehow messy but kempt.

Slowly the orb shifted, and she was standing there before me. Or at least, something that looked just like her. Needing someone just to hold me, she walked over to the bedside joining me. She placed her hand atop mine and as I began to sob, she embraced me. I let her hold me until my breathing returned to normal and I was able to grapple with how real it all had felt.

How the fear of him trying to hurt me had felt, how the knife felt piercing the flesh, and the wetness of the blood pouring out of him. I had never imagined how details could be fuzzy and clear all at once. When the intensity of the moment passed, I watched as I allowed the Vesper to return to its original form.

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