Page 48 of To No End

I dreaded the orange and yellow hues of sunrise peeking through what little light the tree branches allowed into the haven house. I looked around the tiny room, at all its simplicity, grateful for the memories he and I had made. He made me breakfast and packed my things for me, giving Rain a few gentle encouraging pats along his mane. I was lost in thought for much of the morning. Staring at Trace, trying to commit every possible detail to memory.

He kissed me deeply, neither of us wanting to be the first to pull away. He hoisted me up to the saddle, though by now he knew I did not need the help. But he liked doing it, so I didn’t protest.

I sat there, gazing down at him, trying to keep the tears from falling. He grabbed my hand and placed a gentle kiss on my knuckles.

“I put something in your bag for you, for when you get wherever you’re going, Cress.”

He said my name as if he just wanted to hear himself say it one last time in my presence.

I gulped in the air to give myself time to say anything without my voice cracking, but it was impossible.

“Wherever you’re going, think of me. When you’re lonely or alone. I won’t be forgetting you any time soon.”

It was obvious the last remark broke me, and I kicked Rain into an urgent sprint as tears streamed down my face, unable to glance back even once.

CHAPTER

14

(Six Days Remain)

Painful. It was the only way to describe the entire trip home. My emotions ranged from numbness and rage to despair. It was a terrible mistake, to let myself feel like this. I didn’t have anything else to compare to, and I was glad for it. My chest felt incredibly tight, like I was struggling for breath. I was so Gods-damned angry at what was happening to me. Why did I have to find Trace, why now? The silly list I’d made had delivered me into chaos of my own making. I had spent too much time by his side. Given too much of my heart. I would pay for this trespass for far too long.

When I arrived home, I absentmindedly handed Rain over to the stable boy then made my way through the manor in a fog, hoping to not see anyone. Back in my room, I was reluctant to unpack. I didn’t want to know what he’d given me, and yet I ached to feel any sort of connection to him. When I opened thesatchel, I saw a folded piece of parchment. I knew what it was before I even unfolded it. A sketch of me, sleeping soundly with the stars above and my tattoo peeking out from behind a few strands of my hair. Below the drawing of me were a few words of handwritten text.

Like seeing something that’s already gone.

The uncontrollable sob that wrenched forth from my heart was loud and desperate. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and before I knew it, Versa had rushed into the room. I quickly folded the piece of paper and shoved it back into the bag before she could take notice.

Without hesitation, she pulled me into her chest and let me hang limply in her arms and just cry for what was not meant to be. “What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice laced heavily with concern.

I looked up at her, more tears welling in my eyes, and choked out, “I should not have gone back to him.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Versa tried to console me. “Maybe you’ll see him again when you return. You’re not going to be gone forever!”

She had no idea how devastating those words were. I remained silent and continued to cry it out in her arms. When she finally thought she’d calmed me, she urged me to wash my face and try to join us at dinner, reminding me how much our parents had missed me these past couple weeks.

Dinner wasn’t any easier. I could see the worn look on both my mother’s and father’s face. An expression that said they had spent the last two weeks imagining what it would be like without me. Neither looked like they’d slept in days, and I felt selfish for doing that to them. An air of awkward silence hung heavy in theroom, only punctuated by the metallic scraping of cutlery on my mother’s favorite dishes.

“We hope you enjoyed your time visiting friends,” Mother finally said, following with a gulp of wine.

It was no coincidence that she had a decanter entirely her own, indicating this was one of those evenings she was going to drown her sorrows. Versa gave me an encouraging nod, implying that I should go along with it.

“I did, very much so,” I replied, eying Father to discern if he was buying anything I was saying. “They’re mostly excited for me, when they weren’t complaining about how much fun I was going to miss by not being at the wedding.” My sister smiled at me softly, as if to sayIt’s ok.

“Yes, well, your sister and I made lots of progress while you were away, I’m sure she’ll bring you up to speed on it before we have to leave.”

I smiled at my mother, feigning interest in the update.

I could hear the hint of a crack in my father’s voice. “Speaking of, we will be leaving in a day so your mother and I can properly escort you. It will take us awhile to reach our destination; we’ll need to make haste.”

“I thought we had more time?” Versa questioned. “I shall come with you.”

“No!” my mother interjected without hesitation. “You must stay and oversee the household while we’re away. I’ve made wedding appointments for you to tend to.”

Versa gazed at me dejectedly.

The remainder of dinner was unpleasant; the uncomfortable silence settling back in until my mother inquired, “Cress, honey…what would you like for your farewell dinner? Chef D’eliar is eager to prepare you any of your favorites.”

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