Page 32 of To No End

“Deal. I’ll go first,” I demanded eagerly.

Trace leaned back in his seat, looking just as intrigued as I was and where this little game would lead us.

“What does your tattoo mean?” Trace’s expression perked up at my first question.

“You don’t even know what it looks like; don’t you want to know that first?”

Coyly I said, “I’ll be seeing it later tonight. I’m not wasting a question on what it is, I want to know what it means,” I restated firmly.

Trace never blushed, but if he did, I’m certain he would have in that moment.

“You’re pretty clever sometimes. It’s a military tattoo; my brethren and I have them. It’s a reminder that we bleed for our king and his people. That we don’t take life without cause. You cannot wash away the lives you take, even when you’ve cleaned their blood from your hands.”

My breath hitched with the nervousness that he might as well have confirmed he’d killed someone—or maybe even multiple people. I had suspected the very first night I saw him, based on how comfortably he’d held a knife to that poor gambler’s neck.

No remorse or concern, just a singular focus. I knew better than to waste a question and ask something as crude as howmany had died by his hand, but curiosity hung on the tip of my tongue.

“Do you have any family?”

What an odd question for him to ask. Did he guess that I was an orphan?

“My parents are alive, if that’s what you’re asking. And I have a sister. She’s a little older than me.”

It wasn’t entirely untrue. I just avoided mentioning that I was a twin and that she was only older than me by a couple of minutes. I don’t know that I entirely cared if Trace had family, but something about the look he gave me almost invited the question in return.

“Do you?”

His features softened into that same disheartened look he’d had when he told me about where Alcar’s name came from. I was beginning to worry I had hit an unpleasant nerve. He took another gulp of ale.

“I come from a large family. All sons. I have a handful of brothers, four to be exact. I’m the youngest.”

How odd, he didn’t mention his mother or father and it seemed intentional. The thought of four strapping young lads all with the same gorgeous features as Trace was practically unimaginable. Thank the Gods I only had to suffer the solitary brutality of his undeniable beauty, and not all of them at once.

I hadn’t noticed just how long I’d been lost in the thought of his brothers when I heard his voice, “Spare me a minute longer of you daydreaming about all my brothers, you wound me.”

I smiled back at him and held both my hands up, palms facing him in surrender. “Guilty as charged.”

“So, you’re heading out to sea? Is that something you want to pursue, and if so, why?” Trace asked with a tone more concerned than curious.

I was sure he had heard of their brutish reputation, and of course you had to have been living under a rock to not know about the rebellion. I thought for a moment about the answer, because the truth was that the lie was entangled with real desires. Ones I’d had since I was a little girl.

Hours of studying maps, days looking at paintings, sketches, and drawings of the sea—it had all captivated me. I had always felt the sea calling. My father’s influence aside, I had always known in the depths of my soul that the place I had called home for many years was not where I was truly meant to be. I longed for that future, but that was under different circumstances than the lie we’d spun. I would never get to experience that life. Not when the king had other plans for me.

“Yes, very much so.”

I spoke from my heart. From a place I had not let myself acknowledge since things were taken from my control.Mytruth.

“I’ve been landlocked my entire life, but it doesn’t mean my heart doesn’t long for the sea. I have an adventurer’s soul, and I am meant for the horizon.”

I caught myself in the embarrassment of how silly I sounded with my confession—but I didn’t care. It was the truest thing I had said in days, and if he didn’t like me for it, that was fine. Trace remained silent, like he was hanging on to my every word.

“You probably think that sounds stupid.”

He chimed in before I could chide myself further.

“Not at all. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re meant for something else.”

I think this was the most genuine interaction we’d had yet. This rawness was something new and different from our usual banter.

---