Page 13 of To No End

I fixated on the thoughts of us riding each other as I urged my horse into a faster pace. I thought if I could get a serious distance between myself and his home, I might finally be able to calm myself. I felt as if I hadn’t taken a breath since I parted from him.

All of this was overwhelming. I knew that I had the biggest grin stitched across my face. I was undeniably blushing as I replayed the moment his fingertips pressed into me. I needed to concentrate or I was going to fall off my horse.

By now, the bright sun of day was beating down on me and my body was dripping in sweat under the heavy velvet gown. I wanted to tear the clothes from my skin and drown myself in the relief of a cool bath. I felt so accomplished, despite the tinge of guilt. I had checked the first item off my list.

Once I could see my home in the distance, my mind turned toward all the things I wanted to tell Versa, but also how I needed to contain myself once I arrived. I hoped that I did not have the same glow that Versa did when she returned home from the time she had lost her maidenhead.

As Rain trotted onward, I kept making up little lies and excuses I could say about where I had been or what I’d been up to. But lying was not my talent, and I’d rather just decompress in a nice cold bath before having to face anyone at all, even Versa.

When I arrived inside our gates, I dismounted from Rain and again felt the small twinge of pain, a reminder of Gris and what he had done to me.

The stable hand walked up to me and I tried my best to conceal my embarrassment. I handed over the reins and quickly turned to head inside without a word.

I took the long way around to the back, through one of the gardens, and figured I’d sneak in through the kitchen entry. Peeking my head in the door, I saw no one of consequence and sauntered through the kitchen. Before exiting, I grabbed a piece of fruit off the counter since my appetite had become ferocious on the ride home.

I scurried as quickly as possible up the winding stone staircase, trying not to trip over the length of my dress. I would be thrilled once my body was rid of this frock.

I entered my room and closed the door quietly to not alert anyone nearby who might hear my arrival. I practically ripped the dress off at the seams to free my overheated body from this cloth cage.

Once naked, I went to the tub with the canteen Gris had filled for me. I did not want to call any of my lady’s maids to fill it. I wanted to be utterly alone. I poured a small amount of water from the canteen into the large oval bath. I bent down on my knees and held my hand just above the tiny pool of water.

I knew I wasn’t supposed to do this, the voices of my professors lecturing me echoed in the back of my mind, but I didn’t care. It was one of the few things I was capable of. I closed my eyes and focused all my energy and thoughts. I imagined the water growing higher and higher, filling the walls of the copper tub.

I concentrated on how it would feel once it reached my fingertips and surrounded my entire hand. Within an instant, the magic manifested into reality and I could feel the chill of the water rising, expanding, enveloping my wrist, then farther up my arm till I opened my eyes, and before me the crisp bathwater brimmed to the edges. It was considered wasteful to use magic on frivolities such as filling one’s bath, but it’s not like I squandered my limited abilities regularly.

Unlike this morning’s lavender oil, this time I reached for orange as I wanted to drown myself in the scent of Gris. I set my piece of fruit on the small table next to the bath and dipped my feet in one by one.

A shiver ran up my spine and I rolled my shoulders, trying to let the tension slide away. I sat down, submerging myself, and felt brief arousal as the temperature of the water made my nipples peak. Gods, would it be like this from now on, where even the smallest things set me off?

I rested my head against the back of the tub and watched as the citrus oils swirled in the pool of water around me. I reached for the ripe plum, and when I took a bite, the sweet flavor made my mouth water and I felt like I might never taste something this delicious again. Everything felt heightened now, and I needed to come down.

While nibbling leisurely on the plum, I closed my eyes and once again found myself replaying the scene in my head. I’m certain that everything Gris found insignificant about the encounter were the things I could not stop obsessing over.

Like the way he tilted his head back and groaned as he lost himself in his pleasure. The veins straining along his neck and how his strong hands gripped the bedsheets beside me. Finally free of the lust-filled intoxication, I was able to recollect even more detail.

I blushed at the memory of his voice having the slightest tremble when he gazed up at me and said I looked stunning above him. All of these little memories would serve as inspiration for those private moments with just me.

When I was able to pull myself from the dreamlike state, I was left with the sore feeling. Part of me wanted to leave it as a reminder to myself, but for that same reason I knew I shouldn’t ignore it in case it became an unwanted distraction when I had much more to accomplish.

I dipped my hand below the chilled water and hovered it just between my thighs. I closed my eyes again and concentrated on eliminating the tiny, dull sting that lingered there. I felt a warmth right below the place my hand hovered and nowhere else, and quickly, the pain receded. The exertion made me tired and a bit dizzy. Expelling energy for small magic was proof that I did not have the endurance to pull off anything of consequence.

When I stepped out of the bath, I stood for a while naked in front of the mirror, glancing at myself from all angles. This morning where I might have felt insecure, I now felt fully rooted in my feminine body. I admired myself instead of passing judgment on every little flaw I could find. I looked at myself knowingly, that I had brought a male to his arousal. A handsome one that many desired.

I smirked at myself with a pride that I hoped would last. It was much more pleasant to finally look in the mirror with kindness. I could see out my window that the heat of the day was finally starting to let up as signs of early evening were upon us. My body was still taut, and for that reason, I did not wear my usualtrousers and blouse but instead an extremely lightweight flowy dress that wouldn’t cling to a single part of my body. Something much more comfortable and relaxing.

When I exited my room, I found my way to Versa’s across the hall because I wanted to see her before supper. When I gently knocked on the door, I heard her sweet voice welcome me, “Come in!”

When I found her, she was sprawled out on the floor below a bay window, one that matched mine only facing the east instead of the west. It had been hours since I left her, yet she was still obsessing over sketches of gowns.

I plopped down beside her. “You still haven’t made a decision?” I asked, trying not to sound disinterested.

I grabbed some of the drawings and thumbed through them. They were all beautiful, and there wasn’t a single one that she wouldn’t look amazing in.

She turned to me with a frustrated sigh, “I just want to look perfect for him. But I’m pretty sure the dress he’d love is not my first choice.”

She reluctantly handed me two sheets of very different-looking dresses. The first had a large, round skirt with layer upon layer of fabric. It seemed heavy, with ornate beading and crystals covering almost every inch of it. I shuddered to think how difficult it would be to dance in, and that’s all there is to do at a wedding ball. Stuff your face, drink yourself silly on Fae wine, and dance.

The other dress was form-fitting and the skirt, while long, was simple, elegant, and flowy. It was off-the-shoulder and had only a sprinkling of crystals in all the right places. I didn’t want to tell my sister which one I preferred in case that wasn’t the one she favored, so I questioned, “They’re both lovely, but which one is your favorite?”

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