Page 30 of Fall For You

A noise from the hallway upstairs has me turning around, looking up at the landing. The lizard retreats, melting back into the shadows at the back of my mind, into the imaginary cave in which it lurks. I can still feel it though, claws extended, fangs exposed, watchful and waiting.

“Everything okay?” I call up to my aunt who’s hovering at the top of the stairs.

“Jo? Is that you?” Vi asks in a voice that wavers slightly. She sounds so uncertain. So helpless. So scared.

Panic washes through me—not the fear of abandonment. This is terror of a different sort. How do I deal with this? What do I do? And how did I not even notice this was happening?

“It’s called Sundowners Syndrome,” Evelyn had explained, kindly, sympathetically. Right before I kicked her out of the house. “You’ll notice that her symptoms definitely get worse at night. So that’s something you’ll need to be aware of. But, just remember, if you stay calm, so will she.”

I plaster a smile on my face and move toward the bottom of the stairs. “Yes, Auntie. It’s me. Do you need something?”

“I… I didn’t realize you’d gotten in,” Vi says. “H-how was the drive?”

“It was good,” I reply as I climb the stairs to meet her. “Are you hungry? Did you want me to make you something to eat?”

“Oh, no thank you, dear.” She looks down at herself. A frown furrows her brow, her fingers pluck restlessly at her nightgown. “I was just on my way to bed?”

I nod, bright and cheerful. As though everything she’s saying is reasonable. As though she hasn’t already been in bed, hasn’talready been sleeping, for several hours. “Sure. Good idea. Would you like me to help you get settled?”

“Yes,” Vi says. And there’s no disguising the relief in her voice. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me, too,” I tell her, as I guide her back toward her room.

“I suppose you’ll be going back to school soon though, won’t you?”

“No. Not for awhile. I’m going to stay here with you. We’ll have time for a nice, long visit.”

Somehow, I manage to keep a smile on my face, despite the panicked pounding of my heart, despite the screaming anguish in my mind.How is this possible? How is it happening? How can I stop it?

I can’t stop it—even I know that. And I already know that that will be the hardest part. The inevitability. Like tree limbs cracking under the weight of too much ice. Like a river overflowing its banks. Like the sound of a car’s engine, receding into the distance.

As I help Vi back into bed, she peppers me with questions. About school. About friends I haven’t thought about in years. About activities that used to occupy so much of my time—time that I now wish I’d spent with her, instead.

“I suppose you have to go back to school soon?” Vi asks. Yet again. As I tuck her in—just like she used to do for me.

I shake my head. “No. Not too soon. We’re on break, remember.”

“Oh, yes, of course. You told me that, didn’t you?” she gazes at me uncertainly.

I make myself smile. “Yes. That’s okay isn’t it? You don’t mind if I stay here for awhile, do you?”

“Of course. Of course.” Vi pats my hand. “Stay as long as you want. You always have a home here. I’ve told you that, haven’t I?”

“Many times.”

Unexpectedly, Vi frowns. “No. Wait. I’m forgetting something. You have a husband now. Don’t you?”

Pain blossoms in my chest at the unexpected reminder. Still, I manage to answer calmly. “Yes. Carter.”

“Carter, of course.” Vi sighs. She sounds relieved, which I find amusing. I thought I was the only one who reacted to him like that.

“I do like that boy,” Vi tells me. “I always have, you know.”

I nod in agreement. “I know. Me, too.”

“I know that he acts impulsively sometimes. And he doesn’t always think things through. But his heart is in the right place. That’s what’s important. You remember that.”

“I know. I will,” I promise.

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