Page 27 of Fall For You

“It’s really not,” Carter says. Then he drops his head back and stares at the ceiling for a moment before saying, “Okay, so the loan’s its own issue. That all happened years ago, before any of this. It was Vi’s idea—and she was pretty damn insistent about it. She kept saying that a dream deferred was a dream denied; and that she didn’t want to die without seeing me achieve at least one of mine. But, I swear, all she did was co-sign the loan. I wouldn’t let her do anything else. She didn’t lay out any money, and I never took any from her. And as soon as I was able to, I re-financed. I took out a new loan—all on my own. She’s not on the hook for anything anymore. Hasn’t been for awhile.”

“And the house? What’s the deal with that.”

He shakes his head. “I really don’t know who you’ve been talking to, or what in the hell you’re thinking, but the house is yours, Jo.”

“The house is mine? Bullshit, Carter. I’ve seen the records—that’s your name on the deed, not mine!”

“Okay, yes. That’s true. Technically. But that was just a temporary measure. It was always meant to go to you. Vi was afraid that, if she got sick, the medical bills would wipe her out and you’d be left with nothing. Which is what nearly happened to my family when my father passed. But I never planned on keeping it; and I’ll sign it over to you whenever you want. There’s one condition, though.”

“Oh, I see. The house is mine, but you’re the one setting conditions? That’s hilarious.”

“Just the one. That you don’t sell it until after she’s gone. She wants to stay here. She doesn’t want to be forced into a nursing home.”

“You think I’d do that?” I’m stung by the implication. “After all she’s done for me, you actually think I’d sell Vi’s house out from under her? That I’d just…take the money and run?”

“I don’t know, Jo.” Carter shakes his head tiredly. “I hope you wouldn’t, but… I don’t think I’m in any position to answer that kind of question.”

“Why not?” I ask, curious—and stung, yet again. “I would’ve thought we knew each other well enough for you to at least have an opinion.”

“Maybe that was true, once upon a time,” he says with a shrug. “But on the other hand, look at my track record. If you’d’ve asked me twelve years ago, I’d have said there was no way you’d just walk away from us.”

“I wouldn’t have thought so either,” I say.

Carter nods.“And yet…”

“But—no! Stop. That’s not how it was,” I protest, even though a small voice in myownhead is asking,isn’t it, though?

He shrugs again. “Close enough.”

“That’s not how it was,” I repeat insistently. “Do you really think I’d’ve left town that day if I’d known about your dad?”

“Maybe not that day. But, sooner or later, of course you would have. You were always going to leave. We both knew that.”

“Not without you,” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “No. I couldn’t have left after that. There was too much here that needed to be done. My entire family was wrecked. We nearly lost the ranch. And then…then the medical bills started coming in and…” He breaks off and sighs. “I was always going to have to stay here. And you needed to get away. So, does it really matter how, or when, or why it all went down the way it did? It was what it was.”

“Ilovedyou,” I tell him furiously. “And, if you’d’ve explained any of that to me, then of course, I would have stayed!”

His eyes go hard. “Bullshit. I didn’texplainit? When would I have done that? You never gave me a chance to explain! You cut and ran. So, don’t you tell me now how much you loved me, because you never did. I figured that out pretty quickly. And if you still don’t know that by now, then you fucking should.”

I suck in a breath, stunned by the cold anger pouring off him. “That… That isn’t fair. How can you say that? Of course, I loved you. You were everything to me! I just…” My voice trails off.

His hands are shoved deep into the front pockets of his jeans; his shoulders are hunched, his expression bleak. His gaze is…somewhere in the distance. He’s not looking at me. Is he even listening?

After a moment, he shakes his head. “Well, maybe we have different definitions of the word then. Because if you’d loved me the way I loved you, don’t you think you would have stuck around for a day or so; or maybe taken a minute to find out what had happened to me? Don’t you think you’d have been worried—like I was about you tonight—and at least wondered about what might have happened to me?”

“Yes, maybe. But…”

“But you didn’t even think of that, did you? You just… I don’t even fucking know. Jumped to conclusions?”

“Carter…”

“No.” He waves a hand, silencing me. “I don’t want to hear it. The point is, Jo, if you’d’ve loved me you wouldn’t have left like you did—without a single word, without tracking me down and talking to me. Without knowing or caringanythingabout what might have happened. I mean, for all you knew,Icould’ve been the one in the hospital. Dying. Or, already dead. Or, who the fuck knows what.”

His words cut deep. Is that what he’s thought, what he’s believed all this time?

“No,” I tell him, blinking back tears. “No, that’s not…” I break off and try again. “I hear what you’re saying. And I can see how you might think that’s how it was, but you’re still wrong. Maybe, if I’d had your background, if I’d grown up in a family like yours, then I would have reacted that way—like you would have done, or like you think everyoneshouldreact. But I’m not like you. I’m used to being abandoned by the people I care most about. So, of course, I was going to assume that that’s what it was, that it was happening again. That you were ghosting me. Thatyouwere the one who didn’t care. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you? You don’t know howthatfeels, so you just?—”

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