Page 18 of Fall For You

“Thank fuck,” I groaned as the tsunami of relief that had been building within me the last few seconds finally crashed over me.

“You don’t mind?” Jo asked, giggling a little as a surprised smile broke across her face.

“C’mere,” I said, finally finding the strength to move. I pushed her down into the bedding and levered myself on top of her. “Let me show you just how much I don’t mind having you all to myself.”

“So…what would this look like,”I ask now. “How would we even ‘pretend to be married’ after all this time? What would it even entail?”

“Maybe we could just tell people, if they ask, that we’re thinking about getting back together?” Jo suggests.

I shake my head. “That’s sounds like a really bad idea.” The last thing I need is for her to leave—as she will—and for theentire town to go back to treating me like a pathetic, grieving fool. Which, to be fair, was pretty much what I was, last time around. “How about we don’t tell anyone anything? We’ll just keep it to ourselves and try and keep our relationship on the DL. And if anyone asks, we’ll lie and say nothing’s happening.”

“All right,” she agrees. “If that’s what you want.”

“Absolutely,” I say. It’s not even remotely what I want. But it’s the best I’m going to get. And that will just have to do.

Jocelyn

Back in the very beginning,when Carter and I were just starting to become friends, I used to fantasize about being his secret girlfriend. Back then, the idea of having to sneak around to see each other seemed romantic—in the same way that doomed, tragic and ill-fated did. Now it just seems toxic and dysfunctional. It feels wrong, and I low-key hate it.

Then again, I hate everything about my life right now. I know it’s still too soon for Vi to be diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome, but her symptoms are alarming. I really can’t see them magically disappearing in a couple of days. It breaks my heart to see her so helpless and confused. There’s no possible way I can leave here while she’s like this.

On the other hand, I’ve talked to her nurses, I even called one of her doctors—I know it’s possible she might be like this for weeks or months or, God forbid, years. I’m not sure where that leaves me, other than majorly fucked.

I mean, logistically I know I’m lucky. I hadn’t exactly planned on becoming unemployed last month, but my boss was a major narcissist, so it was always a matter of time—and I preparedfor it. I have no real responsibilities elsewhere; so, I can afford to stay here as long as I’m needed. I’m not even worried about finding work in town, if I have to, since I’m sure Carter’s restaurant isn’t the only local business that could use an assist.

But what kind of life would I have here? Being secretly friends with Carter was a thrill at fourteen. Being secret fuck buddies now? That’s a whole ’nother story. That’s only tolerable because I know Carter. I know he’ll provide the emotional support I need right now.

I just wish I’d’ve remembered that when I’d needed to. Maybe then I wouldn’t have made the biggest mistake of my life…

I’d beenout of school for several months, living with Carter—still pretending to be married—and chomping at the bit for my next adventure. When I received a job offer in California, I was ecstatic. I was so ready to leave town. Carter…really was not.

I think that’s why it was so easy for me to fuck things up, to jump to erroneous conclusions, to assume he’d stood me up. Deep down inside I knew the real reason he was coming with me was because I’d dangled the right, organic carrot in his face. He wasn’t moving to California because he couldn’t bear to be without me, he was embarking on a pilgrimage to the cradle where the farm-to-table movement had been born.

I’d spent the night before we were supposed to leave at Vi’s house, visiting and reminiscing, and packing up my childhood bedroom, even though Vi insisted it wasn’t necessary.

“You always have a home here,” she told me. “If ever you need one, for as long as you need it—I told you that when youfirst moved in, you know. It’s still true, even if you are all grown up now.”

“I remember” I sobbed hugging her tight. “And I’m not leavingyou. I just…”

Vi patted my shoulder. “I know, dear; I know. I was your age once myself. You need to make peace with yourself, to see a little of the world and find your place in it.”

“I wish Carter understood that,” I told her. “I don’t think he’d be leaving Heartwood at all, if I wasn’t making him.”

Vi nodded. “Maybe not. He’s always been more dug in here than you ever were. Hopefully it will work out for you both. I think it could be good for him.”

“Yeah, assuming I can even get him in the car,” I quipped—notreallymeaning it.

But then, the next morning, when I arrived back at our trailer to pick him up, it didn’t seem funnyorunlikely. Carter was nowhere to be found. His bags weren’t packed, the refrigerator hadn’t been emptied, calls to his phone went immediately to voice mail. I even drove by his parents’ house, but no one was home there, either. Or maybe they just were, and they just weren’t answering the door.

It was all too, too familiar. Too much like the drama surrounding my parents’ divorce. I felt like I had been here and done this before. It hadn’t been fun the first time and I wasn’t enjoying it much now either. But I could read the writing on the wall. And, much as I hated the idea of leaving without him, what else could I do? Should I wait around for someone to show up and tell me I wasn’t wanted? No. Fuck that. Not happening.

His family had never really warmed to me, which was understandable, given that I was pretty sure they thought I’d somehow tricked Carter into marrying me. Ludicrous, I know, but he refused to set the record straight. And I could onlyimagine how much pleasure they’d derive out of telling me to get lost.

I was not having it. So, I put my phone on mute, put my car in gear, and headed for the coast. I did text Vi when I got there—once—just to tell her that I’d arrived safely, and that I’d be in touch; but after that I was too busy getting my new life in order to bother checking messages from my old life. By the time I did, by the time I realized the magnitude of the mistake I’d made, it was much too late to fix things—even with a phone call. Even if I flew home and threw myself at Carter’s feet, there was no way we could pick up where we left off.

It was over. At least that’s what I told myself. Carter’s father was dead and buried. And as for any future relationship with Carter? I figured I’d nailed the coffin shut on that myself.

CHAPTER

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