Page 33 of Be My Salvation

I make my way forward, taking a deep inhale of the soft scent of mandarin oranges and baby Nael. I lean against the solid, intricate walnut wood crib that Nael is peacefully sleeping in, and it brings me instant joy to see his dark lashes against his pale, chubby baby cheeks. I trail the tip of my fingers along his soft dark curls, and his little pouty lips open and release a contented sigh. He’s so beautiful, a real baby angel.

A part of me has taken to thinking about the future, and picturing what I never dreamed of having: a little boy or girl with each of my men’s features. I don’t even know if that will ever be possible after my stabbing, and the injuries I sustained, and the world is such an unstable place, that I don’t dare delude myself into thinking any of us are safe. The Brotherhood is far from eradicated, and someone else will rise in the power vacuum, and try to take it from me. How far am I willing to go to keep it in my grasp? As I stare down at Nael’s sleeping form, knowing he’sinnocent, and that the world has already taken so much from him, I realize that my new purpose has to be to keep children like him safe.

“He’s beautiful, isn’t he? He reminds me of your brother when he was that age.” The deep voice coming from the shadows makes all the hair on my body stand on end, and my hand reaches for my blade on my leg sheath. “I don’t mean him harm, daughter. If I wanted him dead, he would be already.” My father steps out of the shadows, fully dressed in black clothing, his face bare to the muted light, and a soft look of compassion on his features, as he stares towards Nael. He looks rough, older, and not the elegant picture of refined wealth he was, the last time I had the misfortune of seeing him. I would say the fucker looks weak, and even a little malnourished. It must be hard to be a rat hiding from the light.How the fuck did he get in here?My eyes flicker quickly around the room, searching for that cunt, David, who can’t be parted from him for long.

“How did you get in here and past my guards?” I tighten my hold on the handle of the blade, and he doesn’t miss the action, his dark eyebrow rising mockingly in my direction. “This is my house, and it has been for years. I am very familiar with all the passageways, and intricacies of getting around in the dark, Dinah.”Dammit, I fucking knew it!I knew we should have been more thorough in our search. Sarah shrugged off my concerns, stating that we now had an army to protect us within the walls. More and more, I’m starting to think Sarah is actively trying to hurt me, without appearing that she is. “Yes, demons do prefer the dark to do their dirty work, don’t they?” I back away from the crib, giving myself room to move if he attempts to attack me, and position myself between him and Nael.

“I may be a demon, I don’t dispute that, but I wasn’t always. This world corrupted me, just like it has you. Do you think you are immune to the bite of power or rage? How both will ravishyou, and lead you astray? You’re a foolish girl, Dinah.” He steps closer, and everything in me wants to strike forward with the blade, and slice his throat open. “Look at how you stare at me, with violence and hunger for my death. The world’s corrupted you too.” I understand what he’s trying to do, how he’s trying to relate to me, and make me feel like we are equals in our suffering, but we’re not. He’s forgotten I had to bury my brother, and mother, because of his actions. He’s neglected to remember how he ripped my childhood away from me with no apology. “I don’t hunger for power, just peace, and the safety of the ones I love. I am nothing like you, despite your attempts to mold me in your image.”

“And yet you took power, once it was dangled in front of you like a golden carrot. Dismiss me and my ideology all you want, daughter. In fact, if it helps you to sleep better at night, to think you are nothing like me, go right ahead and believe that, but deep down in the darkness that has already corrupted your soul, we both know the truth. You are your father’s daughter, made in my image.” Everything inside of me is ready to reject what he’s saying, but there is a niggle of doubt creeping in, and spreading like a virus. Is he right? Did I take that golden carrot too readily, despite professing adamantly that I didn’t want it? Am I just like him, and everyone else who has craved power? I don’t seek to control those around me, and I just want to make this world a better place for everyone, but maybe that’s where it all starts, with good intentions that quickly change.

“Ah, I see that I have hit a nerve. Is that doubt you’re now feeling, daughter?” “Stop calling me that. You are nothing to me,” I growl through clenched teeth. “You are an abomination that should have stayed dead.” His chortle of laughter causes Nael to stir in his crib, and that just further enrages me. How fucking dare he come in here and disturb his sleep? For that alone, he deserves to die. He doesn’t refute my claim, shruggingas if it is of no consequence to him. “What do you want? Why have you returned here?” I know that he’s insane, and firmly believes he can control me, that I will play the role of his puppet on strings he holds tightly, but I won’t.

“I told you, Dinah. You would be my weapon against the Brotherhood, and you have already done so well, my child, better than I could have even dreamed. The people look to you as an answer to their grief and rage, but it will have to be short-lived, if I cannot control you.” He takes a step closer, and his face dissolves into a grotesque expression that is right out of one of my nightmares. “That stunt with Noah wasn’t very wise, my dear, even if it was well deserved. I think it’s already time to move the Unholy Ghost into a shallow grave, courtesy of the Brotherhood. You will become the martyr you were always meant to be, and it will unite the masses, don’t you think so, my love?”My love? Who the fuck is he talking to?

Sarah steps out of the shadows, and I observe a hidden door sliding shut behind one of the paintings. Disgust and fury instantly fill me. How could this woman be working with my father? She suffered horribly at his hands. “I can see the questions clearly on your face, Dinah. Why, and how?” She releases a deep sigh, as she shifts a few feet away from me, glancing in Nael’s direction. I see undisguised pain on her features, is that because she means to hurt that small baby? I don’t miss that she has a gun clutched in her hand, as she finally meets my gaze, with her head held high, as if she isn’t a dirty, rotten snake, betraying me and her cause.Giving woman back their power, my fucking ass.

“I have loved him most of my life. It was always him that I wanted to be with, but he made a pact with me, knowing he needed to amass power, for us to be safe within the Brotherhood. My family wasn’t as rich, or as privileged, as your mother’s. We had very little influence, so he married her, and had me marryhis friend, Peter. We loved each other all the while. All these years, we have never truly been apart, even if it was from a distance.”

“You... you were my mother’s friend. You backstabbed her, even as he betrayed you. He gifted you to his friend, who abused you, and my mother. He allowed other men like Noah Rothesay to abuse you. That isn’t love, Sarah, that’s manipulation, that’s hate.” Her throat bobs at my words, and her eyes glisten with unshed tears. “I never meant to hurt your mother. She didn’t deserve anything that happened to her, and I’m sorry I couldn’t help her. She was an innocent, much like Nael is, wrapped up in the inner workings of power.”

I can’t listen to this shit, and I won’t be a party to her fucking excuses. “What’s your plan here, huh? You were going to murder me, and take my place as the head of this rebellion, and what, live happily ever after, with my father and David?” Oh, that stung. I saw her instant reaction to the mention of David’s name. She turns and glares at my father, her face morphing into one full of rage, that makes her look older, and less like the woman I’ve known all my life. “You promised me he was dead? Did you lie to me, Francis? Is David still breathing?”

My father strolls forward and slaps her hard across the face, the sound cracking in the silent space, and causing little Nael to whimper in his crib. My eyes glance towards the door, and back at the crib. I need to get us out of here, but I’m not sure if the two guards posted at the door are loyal to me, or to Sarah and my father. Fuck, I’ve walked into another trap, and I’ve put Gabriel’s son in danger once more. “You will obey me, Sarah. I am your master, and you do not question me. David is my creature, much like you, and both of you will serve, and continue to breathe, at my pleasure.”

He’s fucking insane. His words sicken me, but her immediate expression of contrition at angering him makes it so muchworse. Fuck, he’s brainwashed her into thinking that this is acceptable behavior, that this is love. This pathetic excuse for a man has never had any true strength. Everything he achieved has been on the back of some unfortunate soul. He’s a manipulative, weak man, who relies on everyone else to do his dirty work for him, like Sarah and David. He is a miserable, wretched creature, standing before me with no real power. Even Noah Rothesay, who was also a true monster, got his own hands dirty, and was terrifying in his own right. I feel disgusted that I ever thought that there was something special about him, even with a child’s heart. Now I know the truth, he is nothing, flesh and bones, weak, old, and frail. “Bow to me, Sarah. Show my daughter what a pious woman, who understands her place, is.” At first, she doesn’t move, and I don’t miss the clenching of her jaw, and the way her neck strains with the effort not to move, and a spark of hope fills me that she’ll fight back against him, but instead, she lowers herself to her hands and knees, and places her forehead on the top of my father’s shoe.Jesus fucking Christ, this is a bloody nightmare.

Fuck, why didn’t I carry a gun with me? I am so fucking stupid. All I have is this blade to defend Nael and myself. Sammy, Zeke, and Abe, don’t even have an inkling of how much danger we are in. Abe, oh my god, he’s going to be devastated to find out his mother was involved all along with my father. “How could you do this to Abe, Sarah? You not only betrayed me, and all of womankind, but also your own son, for this piece of shit who abuses you?” My voice is laced with deadly wrath as I take in her form. “I used to believe you were strong. Dependable. A friend. A second mother to me. But you’re really just weak and pathetic. It’s not that he needed my mother for power, it’s that he sensed that weakness inside of you, and knew you could so easily be manipulated, and exploited for his needs. You are a pawn.”

She raises her head and meets my eyes, tears trickling down her weary and age-lined face. “I love him, and I cannot live without him. Forgive me my sins, beautiful daughter who should have been mine.” A prickle of unease and cold dread skates down my spine. Is she going to kill me now? She sits back on her bent knees and tears her glance away from me. She stares up at my father, as if he were indeed a living, breathing God, and that he is the only reason she draws breath. Her hand moves forward slowly, cradling the gun in her clutches, as she raises it and points it in my direction. “I have loved you all my life, Francis. I have obeyed your commands, done everything that you have asked of me, and suffered, because you dictated that was my lot in life. I am unworthy and sullied. I have sinned against my God, and my children. You took my daughter from me, and you are asking to take another. I cannot obey you any longer!”

She turns the gun so quickly in my father’s direction, and doesn’t dare to hesitate to pull the trigger. The loud blast blares through the room, and a part of my father’s head blows off, and his brains splatter everywhere behind him, as his limp body falls to the floor.Oh my God, what the fuck just happened?A sickening feeling takes over me, as I stare at all the blood coating Sarah and the walls.He’s dead. Fuck, she killed him.My father is once again dead, and I don’t know how I feel about that. Nael begins to scream in his crib, and that rips me out of my shocked state. Sarah looks confused, as if she doesn’t understand what she’s done. Once the shock wears off, she’s going to try to kill me, or the baby. I know I’ll only have one chance to get the gun away from her. “What have I done! No, Francis, what have I done!” Sarah screams, and turns her unhinged glare on me. “He’s gone... you took him away from me. I can’t go on like this.”

I lunge for her, the blade high in my hand, and I land on top of her, knocking her shocked form to the floor. The gun goes skittering across the floor, as she wakes from her shockedstupor, and tries to fight me off. I stab at her arm, shoulder, and chest with the sharp blade, in any way to incapacitate her. The door to the room opens, and rapid footsteps can be heard making their way towards us. I slide across the floor and, with desperation, grab the gun, force myself to my feet, and stand before Nael, who’s screaming bloody murder in his crib. The two guards enter the room, drawn by the sound of the gunshot, with their weapons at the ready. They both look to Sarah for instructions, not me, and just like that, I know that they won’t obey me.

“Kill her. She must die,” Sarah utters as she gets back to her feet, blood running down her arm and chest, from the stab wound on her shoulder. One of the guards points his weapon at me, but before he can get off a shot, another one rings out, and he crumples forward. Sammy is standing behind him silently, his arm now pointing at the other guard, who instantly drops his weapon and goes to his knees, and begins pleading for his life. Sammy doesn’t hesitate to fire again, killing the second guard. “I never trusted that bitch,” he growls, as he points his gun at Sarah, and strolls across the room to me. I turn my back on both of them, to attempt to soothe a wailing Nael, as his mother rushes through the door in a full panic, followed by Zeke and Abe.

“What the fuck is happening here, Atasi?” Abe demands as he takes in his mother’s condition, and the dead bodies in the room. Zeke bends down and checks my father, a scowl across his features. I stare at him, and can almost see the gears turning in his mind, as he works out what is happening here for himself. His emerald eyes quickly glance between the dead body, Sarah, and me, and a look of shock crosses his face. “Your father, holy fuck. She was working with him the whole time?” I nod my head, but my eyes are on Nael’s mother, who is checking him quickly, grabbing him, and cradling his tiny screaming body to her chest.“Stay here. We don’t know who we can trust within these walls,” I order, and she nods, pushing herself into the farthest corner of the room.

Everything within me tenses, knowing that I’m about to hurt Abe, but there is no other choice, because he has to understand the role his mother has played in all this. Before I get the chance, she begins to speak, her voice laced with pain. “Kill me… Dinah. One of you… please end my life. I have betrayed Dinah... and you, my son. I always knew Francis was... alive. I have loved him... all my life. He promised me we could... finally be... to... together... and like the fool I am, I... I believed him. I realized I was a pawn... like Dinah called me... when he demanded I kill her, and you. I… I couldn’t. Dinah… please, for the love you had for me… once, kill me now. I… don’t want to live without him.”

Abe falls to his knees in front of his mother, anguish and disappointment on his face. He stares at her, and I don’t know if he’s seeing the woman she has become, or the one from when we were children, who baked us cookies and sang silly songs. I know he’s had his suspicions about her, but I feel like the last couple of days have brought the two of them closer. That hurts my soul, knowing that there is no way I can allow her to live. “I trusted you, I believed you loved her, and yet you hurt her, tried to kill her, and aligned yourself with that monster, that sought to use her and destroy her. You are no mother of mine. I hope the devil makes you suffer for all eternity.” Abe rises to his feet, and motions to me for the gun I have gripped tightly in my hand, but I refuse to relinquish it. I don’t want him to have to do this. I’ve seen what it did to Zeke.

“No, Abe. It must be me. I must be her executioner, like she would have been mine.” A tear slides down his face as he nods, his sad, defeated amber eyes meeting mine. Zeke wraps his arm around him, pulling him into his body and sharing his strength, and I force my gaze to return to Sarah. “I freed you from onemonster who oppressed you, and I will free you from another. I’m sorry you suffered, Sarah. I’m not sorry you have to die.” I aim and press the trigger, and a large red spot blossoms on her chest where her heart is. “I’m sorry, Abe.” The room fills with deafening silence, and it’s almost as if we don’t even dare to breathe. My chest feels tight, both for what has happened here, all that we have all lost in this pointless war for power, and the fact that all four of us are orphans now, and we have had to kill our parents, just to be able to survive. I don’t want to live in a world where this is the norm, where we continue to lose our humanity, one brutal action at a time. There has to be another way.

“You ended her with a mercy she didn’t deserve. I’m the one who’s sorry, Atasi. I should have realized she had a hand in all this. I mean, I suspected, we all did, but to think she was involved with your father the whole time, fuck.”

“Where the fuck is David hiding? He’s never far from that scum.” Zeke motions to my father’s bleeding corpse with disgust. He moves away from him, as if he can’t bear to even have his blood taint him. “We need to get the fuck out of this mansion now,” Sammy commands, “We don’t know who is actually loyal, and who is waiting to murder us.” I feel the strain he’s under, trying to hold himself together, as he attempts to keep the stress and anxiety of the situation from pushing him over the edge. His jaw is clenched so tightly that I am afraid he’s going to break more of his teeth. His nostrils flare as he forces air into his lungs, and beads of sweat break across his temple. I don’t know if I can take much more. I don’t have the strength to handle Sammy losing control, and trying to hurt himself, or someone else. Zeke must see my apprehension, because he moves himself closer to Sammy’s side.

“David is mine to kill, Atasi.” Another tear slides down Abe’s face, as he meets my gaze and holds it. His body goes tense, hisfists tightening at his sides until his knuckles are white, and his breathing picks up and becomes ragged, as if he were running and not just standing in front of me. I see shame in the depths of his golden eyes, and I don’t understand what is happening. “He raped... me... when he captured Zeke and me. I... I was so... ashamed, my body… it betrayed me, and I...” he can’t finish his words, and he doesn’t need to, I understand. I take the few steps between us, hand Zeke my gun, and cradle Abe’s face between my shaking hands. “I love you, Abraham Mercier. You are one of the strongest people I know. Nothing, and I meannothing, will ever change that.”

“I love you too, Atasi, you’ll always be my pretty blue flower, and my salvation from this cruel world of sins.”

Chapter forty-nine

The Forsaker

Zeke

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