Page 9 of The Girl and the Cobra

Jordan’s response came so easily, so quickly, I could tell he really meant it: “I don’t want to go if you don’t go.” His eyes, agray color like mine, bore into me, like he’s wordlessly pleading with me to change my mind and go to homecoming.

“It’s okay.”

His eyebrows creased as he glared at me.

“What? You know I’d just go and watch everyone else have fun.” I didn’t know for sure if that’s what I’d do, but I could guess. I had friends, I guess, but none that were super close. None that asked me to go with them as a big friend group. More acquaintances, I guessed. I was pretty much a loner.

“Come on! Just come, Mabel. I won’t stop bugging you about it until you agree to come. And if you never agree, then I’m not going. So you pick: you come or we both stay home.” The way he said it, I could tell he already knew what my answer would be.

I didn’t want him to stay home with me and miss out on what would likely be great memories for him, so I did the only thing I could: I sighed and said, “Fine. I’ll go, but I can guarantee you I won’t have fun.”

Jordan gave me a goofy smile and said, “We’ll see about that.”

I ended up going to the dance. Had to sit in the front seat of our mom’s car while Jenny and Jordan got the back. The dance itself was just as I thought it would be: Jordan had loads of fun, constantly surrounded by friends as he danced the night away. I, on the other hand, hung out with the people who took to lounging around the cafeteria instead of in the gym, where the music was so loud you could barely hear yourself think.

I had a miserable time just like I knew I would, but it was worth it knowing my brother had the time of his life. He’d make sacrifices for me, so I gladly did the same for him.

Of course, that homecoming dance was when it started. When Robbie, Ryan, and Davey put a target on my back just because I was a loner and they could. Three popular boyseveryone loved, cute, with easygoing smiles; boys who knew exactly what to say to get their way and never get in trouble.

Years later, I’d like to say none of their jokes hit the mark, but… when you’re in high school, when you’re on the outside looking in, even stupid jokes hurt. When you’re a fourteen-year-old girl, wanting to be seen, there’s nothing worse than only being seen when you were being mocked relentlessly.

Maybe things would be different now if I never went to that dance. Maybe I would’ve stayed under Robbie, Ryan, and Davey’s radar.

Or maybe not. Maybe this was always our fate.

Dr. Wolf snaps me back into the present when he asks, “Where did you go just now?”

I blink, slow to meet his eyes. My skin feels itchy all of a sudden, my throat tight. “I… I was just thinking about the time when Jordan got me to go to homecoming freshman year. I wasn’t going to go, but he wouldn’t let me skip it. If I stayed home, he would’ve stayed home, too. But he already had a date with a pretty popular tenth-grade girl, so I went.”

“Why weren’t you planning on going to this dance?”

I shrug as my gaze falls to my lap and I fiddle with my hands. “I wasn’t popular. That was always Jordan. People only really knew me because they knew him. I was always the weird, quiet sister everyone overlooked.”

Dr. Wolf thinks on this. “Would you say, maybe, you lived in your brother’s shadow?”

That suggestion stuns me, mostly because it’s preposterous. “No,” I say instantly. “I didn’t live in his shadow. It’s not that he took the spotlight on purpose. That’s just… who he was, and I was fine with it.”

“Were you?”

I don’t know what to say. My first instinct is to argue with him, to tell him that I was more than fine with it—being in thespotlight, being the center of attention, was never something I wanted—but as the seconds tick by I realize that might be a lie.

What high school girl doesn’t want to be seen?

“Maybe,” I relent quietly, “a tiny part of me wasn’t, but it was easy to ignore. Jordan had that kind of personality.”

“Can I say something that might upset you?” Dr. Wolf asks. When I give him a short nod, he goes on, “He knew you didn’t want to go to the dance, and yet he said the one thing that got you to go. He manipulated you into going.”

“Manipulated?” The word sounds weird coming from me. “No, no, that’s not how it was.”

“Whether you recognize it or not, what Jordan did was a tactic of manipulation: getting you to do whathewanted you to do instead of whatyouwanted to do. He wanted you to go, so he threatened to do something you wouldn’t like, something he knew you’d do anything to avoid. Did Jordan often do things like that?”

My response leaves me immediately, “No.”

It wasn’t like that, was it? Jordan wouldn’t… no. We were best friends. He would never have knowingly manipulated me like that. It was all in good fun. He just wanted me to go to homecoming, that’s all. No ulterior motives behind it.

Before Dr. Wolf can say anything else, I mumble, “I have to use the bathroom.” I stand.

“Of course. It’s just down the hall. Take your time.”

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