Page 34 of A Lost Light

He turned and walked out the door, his steps measured, his head held high. But I had hurt him. I could feel it through the bond, like a knife blade through my heart.

Standing, I went and closed the door. Then I returned to my chair, put my head in my hands, and let out a long, low groan. “It will fade,” I muttered to myself. “It's not real and it will fade.”

Why do you lie to yourself?Sunny whispered in my mind, equal parts curious and resigned.

“Shut up,” I muttered, like a madman talking to myself.

You have taught me to feel, and now I must put up with your foolish behavior causing usbothpain. You made him feel bad. I could sense it through our bond. I don't like how this feels. You should have taken him. Stripped him bare and sank our body into his. He would be sending us joy then, rather than this sour, bitter feeling that is like acid.

I huffed at his wording—and the sentiment. “He's our responsibility now, idiot. I won't take advantage of him like that. He'll get over it.” I hoped.

But would I? Or was I going to drive myself insane trying to ignore how much I wanted him?

Not this again, idiot witch,Sunny muttered.

And I had to agree with him. I wasn't looking forward to denying my feelings for someone yet again. But what else could I do?

Chapter 18

Andy

It was a nice day out. Just like every other day here in the world I had created. There wasn't really any sun, and the sky was the same weird purplish color that it always was, but the temperature was always even, somewhere around seventy degrees or so, the breeze light and comfortable, and the lighting just right. Like a nice summer's day where the sun wasn’t glaring and the heat wasn't unbearable. It could almost be pleasant, with the plants around me and the comforting auras of the people I loved humming softly in the background of my consciousness. A vacation. If I just pretended a little harder, I might be able to convince myself it was just a vacation. A long weekend off to putter in the garden and let my mind wander.

My rage had dwindled, eventually, and I felt embarrassed by my outburst the day before. I tried to apologize to my fellow pocket world prisoners, but they wouldn't let me. They used words like “understandable” and “don't worry.” And maybe they were right. We all had our breaking point. We all lost control of our emotions from time to time. And wewereunder a lot of weird damned pressure. But still, I felt like an ass.

And on top of that, all of the problems that had sent me off the deep end still existed. They didn't magically vanish just because I threw a tantrum.

I took a deep breath of the fresh air and dug my fingers into the loamy soil where I'd been working. Bis was helping me in the courtyard garden, the others coming and going throughout the day to help out or just to chat. We were in a strange lull. There wasn't really anything for any of us todoabout our situation, unless we were going to join in Bella's insane crusade. We were reasonably safe at the moment. No flaming emergencies to take care of. But I was very aware that the feeling of safety was an illusion.

Somone would figure out where we were eventually, and find a way to get to us. The only question was who would come for us first, the SA, the cult, or the angels. Plus, I couldn't maintain the pocket world forever. I could feel the bubble that surrounded us…waveringnow and then, like a living thing grumbling its discontent. I had patched it up once, but some new failure was likely to occur eventually. And maintaining it meant a constant, low-level drain on my energy all day every day. My magical well was probably insanely deep, but that didn't mean it was limitless. One day it would run out.

Bis let out a squeak and I pulled myself from my worries to pat down the dirt over the seeds I'd sown. I glanced aside to find my hedgehog-skunk-rat helper rolling around the small grassy area in the center of the courtyard beside the fountain. He peeped happily as he chased a cloth ball I'd made for him out of an old shirt. I laughed when he miscalculated his roll and got stuck on his back, his little legs kicking helplessly in the air.

“Momma! Help!” he pleaded. Sometimes Bis was so smart, and perceptive, and adult-like. But then at other times he was playful and cute as a child. I could never fully figure out whetherhe was actually an adult or a kid. I wasn't sure what the age of maturity was for a lab created, human-infused, hybrid familiar.

“I've got it,” River said, stretching languidly before standing to go turn our companion right-side up.

The shifter had been lounging on the bench there for some time now, reading from a stack of dusty old books he had pilfered from one of the libraries. He hummed to himself and muttered about fascinating finds and strange ideas as he read a bit from one book before picking up another, only to swap it out for another a few moments later. Occasionally, he'd ask me a question or share a bit of magical trivia as he apparently read through histories, spell books, crystal guides, animal lore, geography, and only the goddess knew what else.

It was a fascinating way to pass my time in the garden. I'd never met someone whose mind worked quite the way River's seemed to. Constantly moving, shifting his attention, soaking in everything around him with such avid curiosity and just a touch of wonder.

He stopped by my side on his way to Bis, tilting his head, his shiny, shaggy black hair ruffling in the slight breeze. Those catlike eyes studied me, and he reached out to brush a leaf from my hair. “It's always fascinating to watch a witch work with their element,” he informed me. “I can't work magic like that myself, but I can feel it. The way you commune with the earth. Is it different here? Away from the soil and plant life you are used to?”

I shrugged, a bit captivated by those catlike yellow eyes. “Much different. But I think I'm adjusting to it, getting used to the energies here over time.”

He smiled. “Digging in the dirt suits you.” Bis peeped pathetically, and River sketched a formal bow to me. “Pardon me, mistress witch, I must proceed with my rescue mission.”

I shook my head at him as he walked away. His outfit today was pretty sedate, just borrowed sweats and a t-shirt loaned to him by Elijah and Aahil. The sweats were too long, and the t-shirt was tight. But somehow, his movements were every bit as graceful and lithe as they had been in a pencil skirt and heels.

I put my spade and extra seeds in the basket at my side as River flipped Bis back onto his little feet. “You're quick,” the shifter observed, his keen gaze taking in every little dart and weave as Bis went back to attacking his ball. There was a glint in River's eyes that suddenly gave me pause. “Would you like to play chase, Hibiscus?”

“Oh! Yes,” Bis said, abandoning his ball to prance adorably around River's feet on all fours.

I opened my mouth to question this crazy idea, but my train of thought fell off the rails when River quickly started stripping. His borrowed t-shirt was tossed onto the bench behind him, and the sweatpants followed in a flash. I gaped. He wasn't wearing any underwear. I found myself staring at this almost-stranger's gorgeous ass and all the lean, powerful lines of his body. He had beautiful copper skin, and this ridiculously perfect posture that made me want to trace the lines of his sculpted back. I must have made some sort of noise, because he turned to me and I couldn't keep my eyes from dipping from his chest, with its light smattering of silky black hair, to the nicely proportioned, uncircumcised cock that was now at eye level.

“Did you say something?” River asked calmly. As if he wasn't standing there naked in front of a strange woman.

I cleared my throat and tried to think of something normal to say. “You're naked,” I blurted instead.

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