Page 32 of A Lost Light

It had been a really weird couple of days. So, it was no surprise when a new pamphlet arrived via interdimensional Lovell magic.

We all gathered in the kitchen to stare at the damned thing, as usual. Even our new houseguest was in attendance, looking a bit more masculine today in a borrowed t-shirt and sweats, but no less beautiful and sly with his messy black hair and his cat eyes. He seemed to see the events of the last few days and his change of location as one big lark. I certainly wouldn't have been able to go with the flow like that. Especially given the weirdness of this creepy house and its occupants. But then,Ihadn't chosen to become a freaking rebel spy.

I sighed and reached for the damned envelope. I hoped that this most recent crazy mission was the end of our involvement in all of this nonsense, but I had a bad feeling that I was about to be proven wrong. I opened the envelope and made sure there was no letter before moving on to peruse the most recent rebel newssheet.

I rolled my eyes at the dramatized account of theheroicrescue of aninnocentcaught up in the war between the controlling and corrupt Supernatural Alliance and the genocidal witch supremacists. If this account was to be believed, we'd taken out a large chunk of the SA's main branch building.

I coughed to hide a laugh. The portal back home had felt a bit unstable—well, more unstable than usual—and there had been a bit of a magic surge... oops. Sorry-not-sorry, bitches.

I smirked as I read. Apparently, a couple of the head honchos at the SA were either dead or out of commission, and a key leadership role had been turned over to a “loyal, but defiant field agent with a history of standing up to the SA's more corrupt practices.” I huffed.

“They managed to shove Jacki into a leadership role.” I glanced around at the others. “I'm not sure if that's good or bad.” My instincts said she was a good person. Trustworthy. But I was still feeling salty about her lack of assistance when we were all ambushed by Strom and her goons after the whole O'Leary debacle. I might have a problem with grudges. So sue me.

“She has to be better than the other options,” Aahil said lazily from where he sat cross-legged on the kitchen counter.

Most of the others seemed to agree.

“It's always a good idea to have a healthy amount of suspicion,” Dyre said dryly. “At least in my experience. But in general, this seems like a good thing. Her people did help us steal the artifacts.”

Niamh gave me a wry grin that showed a slip of sharp fang. “Sometimes old enemies make the most powerful alliances.”

I grunted. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend? Yeah, yeah. Okay.”

After all, Bella had trusted her and brought her into her confidence, and the little SA agent hadn't ratted out the rebels yet. If she was now in a position of power in the SA, this wouldcertainly be a great time to destroy the rebels and claim all the glory for herself.

“Fine. We all heart field mage Jacki. Woo-hoo.” I waved that away. “But I don't trust this whole 'mysterious hero' bullshit Bella is tossing around,” I said, dropping the pamphlet on the table like it might bite. “I'm not getting pulled into her stupid games. Lovells playing with power isnevera good thing. Ends with evil magic and headless Lovells.”

River spoke up, standing relaxed and tall in their corner by the refrigerator, those glittering yellow eyes sweeping the room, taking in every detail before landing on me. “I don't understand,” he said, voice calm and cool. “Why not take credit for your work? Youdidsave me from execution and neutralize some of the corruption within the Alliance. And from what I've seen, the group of you have enough power to keep people in line. To make them sit up and pay attention. That might be just what is needed to turn the tide of this mess in favor of the rebel faction and a new way of thinking about governing and power dynamics. Why not embrace that?”

I huffed. Some hot emotion was swirling inside me, somewhere between embarrassment and rage. I narrowed my eyes at the shifter. “Because I don'twantthis. Because I'm not like the rest of my power-hungry, insanely evil family. I don’t want to be scary and well-known. I've lived my whole damned life trying to avoid situations just like this. I wasn't joking when I said Lovells on a power trip end up dead.”

He lifted a black brow at me, crossing his arms over his chest. “This seems selfish to me. Cowardly, even. You should be using your immense talents to shake up the corrupt system and help others. This effects more than just you and your people.”

My eyelid twitched and my gut clenched. Some part of me wanted to acknowledge that he was probably right. But another part—the hurt, angry part—wanted to punch him. “I should helpthem, should I? I should save the fucking world and soak in all the praise. Fuck that. When the hell did they ever help me?”

I shook my head, unable to keep the bitter acid out of my voice. “Where were these poor innocents, these upstanding citizens of the magical and nonmagical world, while I was being shunned, outcast, orphaned, and used? Where were they when I had to hide who and what I was? My entire life, being me has meant being hated and villainized just for existing.”

Snorting, I crossed my arms under my breasts and sneered. “If the world needs saving, it can damned well save itself. The only thing I care about is the people who are standing in this kitchen right now. They are the only ones who've earned my respect. And for once in my life… I’m saying no. Just fuckingno!”

Dead silence greeted my little outburst. I did feel selfish then. Selfish, and bitter, and small. But damn it, I was so tired of fixing messes that weren't mine to begin with. I was sick of feeling like I needed to atone for shit I hadn't even done. I just wanted to go back home, live my life in peace, and be left the fuck alone.

The silence was like an echoing slap of disapproval that I knew I deserved, but it still stung. I spun on my heel and left the room. I was done with everything right now. The last thing I needed was even more judgement from the people who were supposed to love and understand me. From the people I wastryingto protect.

“Andy,” Hasumi said softly as they appeared at my side, striding along with me down the hallway toward the back exit.

“No,” I bit out.

They disappeared with a soft sigh and a cool tingle of magic.

Even the water weaver had given up on me. Good. Great. They could all fuck off. Every last person in existence could just. Fuck. Off.

I reached the courtyard and kicked the stone bench, yelping when I probably broke a couple of toes. Growling, I threw myselfdown in the grass and closed my eyes, trying to ground myself. This was it. My limit had finally been reached. I was done.

Chapter 17

Dyre

With our fearless leader off enjoying a meltdown, there was no immediate pressing scheme or magical emergency to attend to. Everyone went their own way for a bit of quiet reflective time. I kept an eye on our new feline houseguest all the way to the workroom, then watched him make his way down the hall toward the stairs to the third floor.

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