Page 63 of A Lost Light

Dyre scoffed. “She's not a warrior, she's a whirlwind.”

Hasumi came to join me, gracefully folding into a cross-legged position next to me on the fainting couch. “You need to stop fighting yourself and embrace the decision you are refusing to make,” they said softly, still radiating comfort. “It is time, Oleander.”

I narrowed my eyes at the beautiful master of emotions and currents. “Oh,fuck you.”

Chapter 37

Hasumi

“Oh,fuck you.”

I smiled faintly at the stubborn witch. “In a bit, perhaps. But right now, we need you to stop resisting the currents of life before you tear yourself apart on the rocks.”

She arched a dark green brow at me, and her pretty gray eyes flashed with warning. “Very poetic.”

Reaching out, I carded a hand through her soft green waves, my eyes locked on hers. She was so colorful. So vivid and full of life. But she was hurting. She was fighting against fate. Torn between who she knew she was, deep inside, and who shewishedto be.

Dyre was correct, she was a whirlwind. The emotions swirling around her were pure chaos. She needed to be steady to face what was to come.Weneeded her to be steady. She was the center of this strange, wonderful new family of ours—our heart.

And, whether she liked it or not, two entire realms needed her.

“Andy,” I said gently, still drawing my fingers through her soft hair, like stroking an agitated cat. “We will be with you. All ofus. No matter what you decide to do. But youdoneed to make a decision. The internal struggle is taking a toll on you.”

She closed her eyes and let her head drop back against the tall side of the fainting couch. “If I pretend not to know what you're talking about, will that make it go away?”

I laughed faintly. “No.”

“What is it?” Dyre crossed the room and crouched down in front of her, putting a hand on her knee. “It's the rebels, isn't it?” he said, answering his own question. Then his eyes darkened, not turning black—quite—but a deeper shade of violet that I had never seen him exhibit before. As if he and the wraith inside him were seamlessly blending as they peered out at their love. “I meant what I said before,” he said, his deep voice soft, but firm. “If you want to hide, fine. If you want to embrace our lineage and show the assholes what happens when they test us, then that's fine too. I'll help you be the hero, if I must. But I'll also stand beside you while we watch the world burn, if that's what you choose.”

I arched a brow at that, but I wasn't truly surprised. There was darkness within Dyre's heart, and not just because of the wraith. The world had treated him cruelly. Of course he would pledge his unwavering loyalty to the woman who had shown him mercy, acceptance, and understanding. I couldn't fault him at all. Because as much as I preferred the lighter emotions, I understood his need.

It was a need we all shared. To preserve this miraculous second chance we had all been given. We owed our freedom and our very lives to this witch. Without her we were lost.

Niamh came to stand by the arm of the fainting couch and loom over the three of us. “Andy, as much as I hate to agree with the necromancer here, he's right. Whatever choice you make will come with a fight—whether it’s to do with this war, or simply because the SA and the cultists would hunt us whereverwe choose to go. So, if you are hesitating because of some silly idea that you need to protect the rest of us, stop that nonsense. Nothing worth achieving is ever really without struggle. The most important hunts involve the most risk. And everyone who lives in this cursed mansion with you knows that. We know it in oursouls,Lovell.”

I was silent as I let their words sink in and bolster Andy's resolve. Their safety—oursafety—was incredibly important to her. But I knew that wasn't the real reason why she hesitated.

Her gray eyes met mine, and she took a few slow, deep breaths, as if bracing herself. Trying to keep from having another outburst. I didn't bother telling her that she needed to let those feelings free, let them out, voice them aloud so they would stop clouding her mind. She was a smart woman, with a keen intuition. She didn't need me to tell her what she already knew. She just needed… safety.

I cupped her cheek, letting my magic flow between us, letting it flavor our bond with the sense of solidarity I felt. “It's okay,” I whispered, my eyes never leaving hers. “No one here will judge you.”

She closed her eyes, and her shoulders rounded as she sighed, giving in to the invitation. When she opened her eyes again, she glanced around at all of us, then studied her hands, where they rested in her lap, as she poured out the fears that had been burdening her heart.

“I'm afraid of what I'll become,” she said, her voice husky with unshed tears. “I know all too well what black blood flows in my veins. All the horrible things this magic I've inherited has done over the generations. And, well….” She let out a dry laugh, the sound full of bitterness. “What if…Goddess, what if the people who came before me weren't evil either? No one is born into this world as a little baby set on genocide or world domination, right? What if it's themagicthat makes Lovells go bad? Whatif the only reason I'm a halfway decent person is because I've refused to dip down into that deep well and really use my magic to its full abilities?” She shook her head, curling her fingers inward against her thighs, dragging her fingernails over the rough fabric of her jeans. “What if I think I'm going to help, but in reality, I become the villain? The monster? Just like every fucking Lovell before me.” Another of those dry, haunted laughs. “Would I even know? Or would I be convinced that I was doing what was right the whole time?”

I glanced at Dyre, feeling her fears reflected in him. He always feared the monster inside him would one day win. When he learned of his link to Andy's family, he feared his blood had spawned an entire coven of monsters. I could sense his fears even now, the way he battled with feelings of low self-worth and mistrust. He had gotten better. His aura was dark, yes, but that didn't necessarily make him evil. Sunshine's understanding of the world and his sense of morals were different from Dyre's, and yet, the wraith had learned compassion and mercy from his host. The difference between Andy's current struggle and Dyre’s was that Dyre had come out on the other side of his battle with the realization that he was not a bad person. That he wasn't evil. And that it was the choices he madeevery daythat defined who he was. Andy hadn’t quite embraced that truth yet.

Dyre’s dark lavender eyes met mine briefly, and a faint, wry smile lifted one corner of his mouth, as he no doubt recalled our own conversation not too long ago in this very room. The one where I reminded him that he was capable of loving and being loved.

He returned his attention to Andy, taking one of her hands in his and lacing his long fingers through hers. “Your ancestors made their own choices,” he said firmly. I could feel him shoving away the faint lingering traces of his own fears, his desire to comfort Andy far outweighing any lingering traces of doubt orguilt. “You are your own person. You control your power. It doesn't control you. And,” he smirked, the expression turning his sharp, hauntingly handsome face into something wickedly alluring, “you're not alone. You've got a whole herd of people here to remind you who you are, if you ever start to forget.”

Andy's expression softened, love and appreciation pushing back the fears.

“He's right,” Niamh said with a sharp nod. “Some of your boy toys might gladly follow you on a murderous rampage, but there are those of us who would stand up to you and give you a good wallop if you needed to be checked.”

Andy laughed at that. But she didn't need my magical link to emotions to sense the sentiment behind the fae's hard words. I think she could feel the love and devotion that simmered underneath Niamh's desire to protect her from herself just as clearly as I could.

“Thank you,” Andy said, her voice growing stronger, her emotions less chaotic. “For being such ridiculously supportive idiots.”

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