“I wanted to see if you were okay,” he said, placing a hand on my thigh. “Today has been a bit… much.”
I huffed a wry laugh. “About par for the course around here. If we ever have a day thatisn’ta bit much, I'll be worried.”
He smiled in acknowledgement. Then he looked down at his hand and removed it from my leg. “I know you tend to keep your worry and strain inside. I just wanted you to know that you don't have to do that around me.” His stunningly blue eyes met mine, so earnest. “You're a good person, Andy. An amazing witch. And your heart is so loving. If you are blaming yourself for anything bad that has happened to us since emerging from the bestiary, please, stop.”
I sighed. Elijah. Kind and perceptive as always. “I didn't want this for you. For them. To be freed only to be trapped in stupidly unpleasant circumstances all over again. I just wanted… well, I just wanted to undo some of the bullshit and suffering my stupid family caused. And yeah, I kind of feel like every time one of you is in danger, it's my fault. Because I brought you into the nightmare that is my life.”
He reached for me again, taking my hand this time, interlacing his fingers with mine. My aura hummed with the contact, loving his beautiful energy, even as I enjoyed the fact that hecouldhold my hand now. “I don't think any of the people you freed from that cursed book would call their current life a nightmare,” he said gently. “If you hadn't done as I asked and freed them—freed us all—I would have faded by now. I would never have been given a second chance at life. I wouldn't have a living body right this moment. And none of us would have experienced the beautiful acceptance, love, and belonging that we have now.”
He squeezed my hand. “Andy, if it had been any other witch who freed us, things wouldn't have turned out half as well asthey have. Your crazy magic, your patience with people, your caring and empathy for us, even when we were at our worst—those are unique qualities.” He quirked a wry smile at me. “If I believed the rhetoric my people spew, I'd tell you you were sent to us by God. Nothing has ever felt as divine to me as the family you have helped us all build.”
I blinked at him, willing away the stupid tears that filled my eyes. “You're such a sap,” I informed him flatly.
He just smiled, warm, and beautiful, and full of love. “Maybe.”
I leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Thank you. You always know what I need to hear.”
When I sat back, I found him regarding me with a strange look. He met my eyes, then looked down at our clasped hands. “I've just always felt… very in-tune with you, I suppose. From the beginning. I wish I could have helped you more, back when I was a ghost. But now that I have a body, I'll do whatever I can. No matter what you choose moving forward, I'll be there with you.”
I bumped my shoulder against his. “You helped me plenty then. You were like my conscience. And my cheerleader when I needed it. Having a physical body has nothing to do with your worth, you know.”
He nodded. “Yes. You're right. But it's easy to think that way. For so long, I felt… other. Unreal. Like I existed in a place that was removed from everyone around me, unable to really interact with the world. It has been difficult to change my mindset. And even now….” He sighed. “Well, never mind. I didn't come here to burden you with my problems.”
I turned to face him fully, pulling one knee up and folding it under me. “No. That's not how this works. You help me, I help you. I know I'm always running around, always have a million things on my mind or, you know, half a dozen louder, more demanding people taking up my attention, but you are important to me, Elijah. Tell me what's bothering you.”
He licked his lips and took a moment to organize his thoughts. I had never felt this kind of energy from my angel before. He seemed… nervous? A bit dejected, maybe?
“I still don't quite fit,” he said softly, those beautiful blue eyes flicking up to meet mine, then darting away. “I'm not a ghost any longer. But I'm not exactly alive, am I? I'm a revenant. Maybe a reallyskillfully maderevenant, but all the same, I'm not really like the rest of you.” He huffed a bitter laugh. “I'm a necromancer's servant. One step above the mindless, shambling corpse currently guarding the courtyard.”
I took his hand again and squeezed. “Youarealive, Elijah. You are a thinking, feeling, living, breathing person with a heart that beats and a soul that feels. You'renothinglike the animated corpse outside!”
He didn't look convinced. “I am grateful to have a body again. To be able to fully interact with the world. It is a gift I can never repay. I know I shouldn't feel anything but elated. And yet… I'm an outsider still, all the same. And I find myself desperately wanting that to change. Selfish, I know.”
I just stared at him, a bit lost. “But… you're not an outsider, Elijah. You're one of us. You always have been. We’re all different. Some of us were born from human-shaped parents, and others just… appeared from the elements. Your body and your creation were certainly different than mine, or Aahil's, or Hasumi's, or Ambrose's, but I'd never say any of us should feel like we don't belong because of that. It's just part of who we are. We're all a family. At least… I thought that's how we all felt. I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel differently.”
He heaved a massive sigh. “I… But therearedifferences. Understandable and reasonable differences.”
I rolled my eyes in frustration. One of us was still not getting the point here. I wasn't sure if it was him or me. “What differences?”
His eyes met mine, and there was a sharpness there, a pained hunger that I had never noticed. “Technically alive or not, I have a physical body now. I've yearned for so long to feel the touch of another person.” He squeezed my hand as if it was a lifeline. “And I can, now. But I find myself wantingmore. I want everything the others have. I want….”
I huffed a laugh, grinning at his melodramatic seriousness. “Sex?”
His broad shoulders slumped. “Don't make fun of me, Andy. I feel foolish enough as it is.”
I released his hand to cup his cheek, forcing him to turn his head and look at him. “Who says you can't have sex? Is there something wrong with the equipment?” I glanced down meaningfully at his crotch. “If so, there are other ways to have fun. Sex doesn’t have to be peg-in-hole. I'm open to coming up with creative solutions.”
He shook his head at me, looking at me as if he was trying to figure out an alien creature. “I'm fairly certain it all works. No, I… well, I assumed no one would want to be intimate with a reanimatedcorpse.”
“Oh, that,” I said, feeling like we were talking in circles here.
He arched his golden brows at me. “Yes,that.”
I snorted. “Elijah. You are not a corpse. You are a person. You have alivingbody. I don't see you as a revenant, or a zombie or whatever you want to call yourself. Yeah, it's a little weird if you think about it too hard. But the magic Dyre performed to give you a body was so different than what he usually does. You are not an animated corpse. You have a pulse, the need for air, the ability to think and feel. You are not just some mindless meat puppet. And, I mean, justlookat yourself!”
His body had completely changed over the last couple of weeks. His soul and Dyre's magic had allowed Elijah's being to reform his physical container. He was now tall andbroad shouldered. Long-limbed and graceful. His features were chiseled perfection, his eyes glowed with blue fire, and his golden curls gleamed in a messy tumble around his ears and jaw. I traced my fingers along his strong jawline, where not a hint of stubble resided. “All I see is you,” I said truthfully. “Not the ghost. Not the revenant. The man who saved the others by finding me and insisting that I do what was right. And that Ikeptdoing what was right all along. Even when I wanted to give up.”
His perfect lips parted, and he let out a shaky breath. “I want to kiss you so badly.”