Page 60 of The Art Of Starting Over

“Because I used to be in love with Hayden, but he was afraid to lose you as a friend.”

Colt sighed and ran his hand through his dark hair. “We were kids back then. I didn’t know it was okay for my best friend to like my sister.”

They’d more than liked each other.

“But now you do?”

“Hayden’s a great guy, Dev. I wish I wasn’t so against things back then. Maybe life would be different.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Dev let out her own sigh. “Doesn’t matter because I’m not ready for anything, Colt. The last thing I want to do is lead Hayden on. So no more nudging. I need time.”

Colt sighed. “I get it. I do, but I feel like some of this is my fault.”

Devorah’s eyebrow rose. “You told Chad to cheat on me?”

Colt’s eyes widened. “Hell no, but I knew Hayden liked you back in high school. Everyone knew. But being your older brother and his best friend, I think he was afraid to ask you out. I should’ve been a better brother. Hayden’s a good guy, and I’m glad he’s back. I’m also glad he’s pursuing you, because this smile”—Colt poked at her cheek—“it’s worth seeing every day.”

She absorbed his words and did smile again. “I appreciate you, but I need time. There’s this little thing called ‘trust.’ I have none to give right now, and I’m not sure that would be fair to Hayden.”

“Time. You got it. Now here.” He handed her a bottle opener, for those who ordered light beers or something they didn’t have on tap, and left her alone at the bar. Thankfully, the lunch rush was over and there were very few people left in the bar.

She started wiping the bar down and thought about what she’d said to her brother, about her not wanting to lead Hayden on. They had kissed at the drive-in. It felt nice. She had wanted to kiss him and didn’tpush him away. The problem started when she got home and went to bed. Instead of thinking about Hayden and what they had shared, Chad was on her mind. Devy hated how he invaded her thoughts when he didn’t deserve them anymore.

And yet, he was there in her mind, mocking her. Pointing out how he controlled every part of her life, from where she lived, who her friends were, and what her job was to how much money he allowed her to spend. He belittled her existence by simply implying she wasn’t his equal.

How had she not seen any of this before?

Everything was clear as day—he had brainwashed her into thinking this was how relationships worked.

As she wiped down the counter, she couldn’t keep her thoughts straight. Her mind swirled with Chicago—and having to go back there—to Oyster Bay and staying. If the decision was hers and hers alone, she’d stay. Until her return, Devorah hadn’t realized how much she had missed her dad and brother. Despite the strain she had with her dad, being with him brought her peace.

Maren’s needs had to come first. She’d promised her daughter they would go back to Chicago in the fall, but the more Devorah thought about it, the more she questioned why. Nothing would have changed by then. Ester would still be there. As would the looks, the finger-pointing, and the whispers behind their backs. People would always know about the affair.

Would Maren feel replaced if they moved back, and she saw her father with Rita?

The words Chad had said to Maren echoed in Devorah’s mind.And I’m going to be her dad now.He was foolish for saying that to Maren. She should’ve come first in his life, but no, he was a selfish prick who only cared about himself.

Why had it taken her two decades to see this about him? Especially since that was how everyone saw him? Devorah could live without Chad. She could put him out of her mind and never look back.

She also wasn’t unaware when it came to Hayden. She knew he liked her. Devorah liked him as well. She had in high school and had waited for him to ask her out. She never minded when they flirted with each other or would sneak off to make out where no one could see. Devy had hoped Hayden would make things official before he left for college, but he hadn’t. Chad saw an opportunity and pounced.

Since she’d bumped into Hayden at the school, he’d been the one constant she could count on. They had kissed at the movies, and it had been wonderful. There was nothing awkward about it, and had they not been in public, she might have rekindled one of their old make-out sessions. They had never lacked chemistry back when they were teens, and they definitely had it in spades now that they were adults. The urge to straddle him the other night, like she’d done so many times back in high school, was there, encouraging her to just give in and let herself be free.

Her cheeks flushed hot as she imagined herself crawling onto Hayden’s lap and kissing him. She stopped and looked around the bar to see if anyone had noticed her blushing. She couldn’t go there.

Not yet, even though her body had no problem remembering how the teenage Hayden used to make her feel.

But at what expense?

Was he still afraid of Colt’s reaction? Crow’s?

Devorah shook her head. They were adults. What people thought shouldn’t matter anymore. And Hayden had said he wished he had done things differently back then, but what did that mean?

She could easily see herself with him, more so if the circumstances were different and she didn’t have Maren to worry about.

Devorah might not have been sure of many things, but one thing was for certain: Hayden wasn’t going away, and it was up to her to trust him again.

“He wants a part two,” she said to herself.

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