Page 90 of The Art Of Starting Over

“Good grief, I can’t keep up with you kids and your ever-changing minds,” he mumbled. “Good night, Devorah.”

She went upstairs, sneaked into her daughter’s room, and crawled into bed with her. The slight dip in the bed caused Maren to roll into her mom.

“Mom?”

“Go back to sleep, my sweet girl.”

Maren opened her eyes and looked at her mom. “Did you have a nice dinner?”

“I did. If the boat we ate on is still there in the morning, I’ll take you to see it. Did you have fun with Crow?”

Maren nodded. “Grandpa is a lot of fun.”

Devorah wished she could’ve had this version of her father when she was younger, especially when she was struggling with her mother’s death.

“We went out for ice cream, but I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“That’s okay. Let’s not keep secrets, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“Go back to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night, love you.”

“Love you more.”

Devorah kissed Maren and then went into the bathroom to take a shower. While the water ran, she undressed and looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t sure if she expected her body to be different or if there would be some remnant of what she and Hayden had done, but she found none except for a bit of beard burn.

She stood under the hot water for what felt like five minutes before she washed her hair and body. Every time she closed her eyes, Hayden was there, moving his body over the top of hers, bringing her to ecstasy. The way he kissed and held her, the way he made her feel when he was inside her, the way he brought her to new heights that she didn’t know existed, all made her feel like she wasn’t broken. That Chad hadn’t destroyed the very essence that made her, her.

Devorah rinsed, shut the water off, and got out. She wrapped herself in a towel and went into her bedroom, dressing in a tank top andshorts. Before she got into bed, she towel-dried her hair and doused herself with lotion.

She turned on the bedside lamp and crawled under her covers. It had been over a month since she’d looked at any videos, and tonight, she felt brave enough to do so. Devorah lowered the volume and opened the app.

Devorah watched five videos before her anxiety spiked. She closed the app, not wanting to come across anything having to do with her humiliation, Chad’s affair, or even a glimpse of what Ester was up to. Devy wanted to move on and get past everything, but that didn’t mean she had to watch it play out on her phone.

She set her phone down on the charger and reached for the light switch. Her hand stilled when she heard a loud thump and then something crash into the floor downstairs. Quietly, she got out of bed, tiptoed across the floor, and opened her door a smidge. She listened for footsteps.

Nothing.

Opening the door farther, she walked as deftly as possible, avoiding the squeaky floorboards. She and Colt had long learned which boards would alert Crow downstairs. At the top of the stairs, she peered down and saw the hall light was on.

Had she left it on?

The house was silent except for the ticking grandfather clock in the living room. Devy descended the stairs, against her better judgment.

“Dad?” she called out when she came to the second-to-last stair, figuring if she needed to retreat, she could. She heard nothing.

“Crow?” she yelled louder. If he had left, wouldn’t he have said something or at least texted her?

Devy finally took the last two steps and turned toward the kitchen. Cordelia ran past her and started barking wildly. She saw his foot and part of his leg sticking out from behind the counter, a place it shouldn’t be. Rushing into the kitchen, she dropped to her knees and shook her father.

“Crow?” She then said his name louder and continued jostling his shoulders. “Oh God. Daddy, wake up. Please don’t do this to me.”

Devorah held her ear to his heart and heard nothing. She felt for a pulse, and again, nothing. Tears streamed down her cheeks and onto her father, who lay still.

She ran to the phone and fumbled with the handle. Her fingers shook as she pressed 911. She went back to her dad and knelt beside him.

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