Page 49 of The Chemistry of Us

He didn’t allow it. He pulled down my hands, and I turned my face, not wanting him to see right through me.

I couldn’t stop the tears that fell out of my eyes, and I didn’t want to. I earned them, every last one—they were my badge of honor.

“I was in and out of foster homes for most of my life. The state promised me that things were going to be different.”

We locked eyes again.

My chest heaved, and my heart broke while Van’s stare never faltered. He sat there patiently listening to every word out of my mouth, never once interrupting me. I instantly looked down when I felt him gently place his hand on top of mine in the grass before he laced them together. It was such a soothing, reassuring gesture. Feeling like we were one.

To have a real connection with someone, with a boy who didn’t even know me but wanted to know everything, was an emotion I’d never experienced before.

I wanted to tell him everything, especially the effect he was having on me, and for a second, I’d thought about it. Except I realized I didn’t have to. He knew—he was feeling our deep connection too, making it a little easier to continue.

“I was by myself a lot. I’m still by myself a lot. More than I should be at my age.” I laughed even though I hated that fact.

My eyes were fixated on his hand that never left mine. In the dark, his rough fingers were so comforting resting over mine, and I wanted to turn my hand over to feel him.

When he reached over and lightly grazed the side of my cheek with his other hand, his fingers moved to tug on the ends of my hair that framed my face. His knuckles grazed my cheek, and I nervously licked my lips, peeking up at him through my lashes.

“It wasn’t you, Cinderella.”

I had no idea how much I needed to hear that from someone who actually saw me—who cared.

It’s not you.

It was never you.

You have a place in this world.

You matter.

You aren’t abandoned.

You’re a light in the darkness.

You belong.

He conveyed that in four simple words.

Slowly, he kissed away my tears until his lips were near my mouth.

It was the craziest sensation in all my life. He kissed me again. Except for this time…

It felt like we were breathing each other in.

Van

I held her hand.

I kissed her lips.

I listened to everything that came out of her mouth as if she was telling me the world’s biggest secrets.

I hadn’t tried to cop a feel or get into her pants. I didn’t so much as try to get her to make out with me. Being around her was enough. It was all I wanted. To be with someone, to really be with them on a level other than physical, was something I’d never experienced before. Something I never had, and I didn’t want it.

The bullshit.

The emotions.

---