Page 33 of The Chemistry of Us

It was pointless.

The damage was done.

I hated myself for letting down my guard and allowing them to see the truths I hid so well for many years that it became second nature.

I wanted to hit something.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to run away.

I wanted to make this fucking feeling go away. I’d give anything to bring back my not-giving-a-fuck attitude that I had gotten so used to. Seeking comfort in myself.

All I ever had was that.

I owned it.

Now that was torn away from me.

I roughly raked my fingers through my hair. My anger and nerves were set on fire. My body was scorching hot, my adrenaline pumping so hard that all I could see was red, and all I could feel was blue. I wanted to claw out of my skin for being so fucking stupid. I desperately tried to work off this emotional bullshit. Before I knew it, I was at the gym, taking my frustrations out on the bags and weights instead.

Hit after hit.

Lift after lift

But it didn’t matter because I could still see my reflection in the mirror, and it was one of pure pain, reminding me yet again that I was always lacking and would never be enough.

This was what I was good at. What I excelled at. Where I thrived. This was what I was meant to do with my life.

With or without their consent.

CHAPTER 12

TRU

It was a long day, followed by a long night. I lay against my bed and stared at the wall.

He was gone.

He’d been gone for a while, but I knew it was his family dinner night.

His parents weren’t horrible; they were just… aggressive when it came to what they wanted for him. Honestly, it wasn’t my issue or damage, so I had no clue why I was so worried when he didn’t come back.

I knew they could be obsessive about most things when it came to him and following the path they wanted for him.

No matter what.

Before I could give it another relentless thought, I jumped a foot. Within seconds, loud music started thumping through the house.

Frowning, I sat up and walked toward the door, only to have it shoved open. Van stood there. His green eyes were wild, and his chest was heaving.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No.” I could barely hear his answer. “I’m not.”

“What can I do to?—”

His hands came to my waist, lifting me into the air and slamming me back against my mattress. His mouth fused with mine, and I could barely breathe.

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