Page 78 of Everlasting Promises

HOPE

As I watchEvan play soccer with his friends, I blow out a long breath, relax my shoulders, and thank my lucky stars that it’s not Ben’s week to coach the kids. I need some space to think about things.

Evan passes the ball, and the boy who receives it kicks a goal. The kids run around like goofballs, and I leap to my feet to cheer for the boys. Evan’s gaze comes straight to me, and a bright smile lights up his face. I raise my hands higher, clapping so he can see how proud I am.

Maybe Mom’s right. Ihaveshown up for Evan in all the ways that count. I may have been sad while doing it, but I was still always there for him.

The kids head for the center of the field, and I sit back on the hood of my car, a grin still stuck on my lips. My thoughts return to Ben and what happened this morning, and my neck and cheeks heat instantly as an ache builds between my thighs at the memory. I still can’t believe it happened, and while I got upset after the act, I can’t deny I enjoyed what we did—and would havedone a lot more if my sensibilities hadn’t returned when they had.

Loud cheers erupt, and I focus back on the game. It looks like the other team scored a goal this time. Relieved that I missed nothing important, I return to my thoughts.

Ben’s made it clear he’s interested in a relationship with Evan and me … whenever I’m ready.

Can I let go of Wyatt to pursue something with Ben?That’s the million-dollar question.

I promised Wyatt I’d love him forever.

And I always intended to keep that promise.

But then Ben came along with his easy smiles and compassionate understanding. He’s woken a part of me I thought had died with my husband, and he makes me want to live again. He’s shown Evan and me nothing but patience and kindness. He’s brought fun back into our lives.

I glance across the field to Evan, and my lips tip up. He already loves Ben, but would he feel the same about him if we were dating? That’s very different from the arrangement in place now. I don’t want Evan to think I’m forgetting his father and leaving him behind, or that I’ve broken my promise.

I raise my hands and slide them through my hair, gripping the roots.Why does it have to be so hard? Why do I have to feel so torn?

My phone vibrates on the hood of my car, and my best friend’s face lights up the screen. Shame floods through my system like dirty oil.What would she think if she knew what happened between Ben and me when I’m supposed to be mourning her brother? If she knew I cheated on her brother when I promised him forever?

I swallow down my shame and answer. “Hey, Clara,” I say, as if it’s just like any other day.

“Hey. How are you?” she asks in a way that makes it difficult to gauge her mood.

“I’m good. Just watching Evan at soccer. How about you?” I lift my eyes and watch the boys run and kick the ball around.

I hear her blow out a long breath. “Great. That means you can talk, because I havesomany questions.”

Shit. It’s never a good thing when she has questions. I tuck my hair behind my ear, and dread forms like a lead ball in my stomach. I’ve never kept anything from her in the past, but I’m not sure I can share this. “What about?” I know exactly what she has questions about, but if I act ignorant, maybe I can avoid this discussion.

She chuckles. “I think you know, but I’ll spell it out for you. B. E. N.” Her sigh is so dramatic, I can’t miss it over the cheering from the other team as they score another goal. I watch Evan’s shoulders slump and roll forward. “His eyes were glued to you the entire time he was at the party, and don’t even get me started on the fact that he was still there when your mom and dad left. Yes. I talked to your mom last night.” She sounds so excited, almost like how she was when I finally fessed up to crushing on her big brother.

“Evan invited him to his party, and he stayed behind to help clean up because he likes to be helpful.” I keep my voice steady, hopeful she doesn’t detect the lie. Thankful she hasn’t spoken to Mom today.

“Sure. Yeah. That’s totally … you know what, I’m not playing your game, girly. He’s totally into you. Whether he’s Evan’s friend or not is irrelevant. He could not keep his eyes off of you. And when you were within three feet of him, I watched him clench his hands, as if he were holding himself back. You can lie to yourself all you like, but I know what I saw. Now, I want to know what you’re doing about it?”

I narrow my eyes as I look across the field. “Well, I’m not going to stop Evan from being friends with Ben. He’s been a wonderful influence, and Evan loves him and his dog, Rex.”

She tsks rather loudly. “You know that’s not what I’m asking. Stop being so obtuse. The way you’re deflecting tells me you’re hiding something.” Her voice softens. “We’ve been friends for too long for you to be able to hide stuff from me. Talk to me, Hope,” she cajoles softly.

The backs of my eyes sting, and I blink quickly to stem the tears that want to fall when I hear the softness in her voice.

“I cheated.” The words gush out of me, and I’m washed under a wave of guilt and shame. I claw for the surface, but I can’t make headway. It feels as though the pressure is squeezing all the oxygen out of my lungs, and I’m struggling to breathe.

“On Ben?” Confusion is thick in her voice, and I can imagine her tilting her head to the side and chewing on her nail as she tries to make sense of what I said.

I shake my head and grip my locks, sucking in a sharp breath. “No. Wyatt. I cheated on WyattwithBen.”

I’m not gonna lie, as wrong as it is, it also feels good to get it off my chest. It’s been eating away at me since the first time I pressed my mouth to his. Even before that … when I had that dream. But telling Wyatt’s sister that I cheated on her brother is all kinds of messed up. I press the heel of my hand against my forehead, trying to stem the pressure building there.

“Aww. Honey. You didn’t cheat on Wyatt,” she whispers.

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