Page 77 of Everlasting Promises

A hand lands on my shoulder, and I look up. Lucy’s worried gaze pierces straight through me. “Are you okay?”

I swallow past the heavy lump in my throat and force a smile to my lips. “Yeah, of course.”

Her brows dip. “Don’t lie to me.”

I shake my head with a mild laugh. “I wouldn’t dare.”

The door opens, and our first client walks in, saving me from her inquisition.

I’m notsure where the morning went, but the next time I look up, Mom’s waiting at the front of the salon for me. My shoulders sag in defeat. I had hoped she’d forget about what she walked in on this morning, but I should know better. The glee written all over her face is unmistakable, so there’s no way she would have forfeited catching up for lunch.

I hold up my finger. “I’ll just grab my purse. Won’t be long.”

She nods and I disappear to the back to grab my purse. “I’ll be back in thirty minutes!” I call as I head out the door to meet Mom on the sidewalk.

She holds up a paper bag. “I brought lunch for us.”

“Thanks, Mom.” We wander toward the park and sit at the empty table, and Mom pulls out our sandwiches and a thermos with two plastic cups she had tucked in her purse. I chuckle. “You came prepared.”

She looks at me with a grin, her eyes full of mischief. “I didn’t want anything to get in the way of our chat. Now spill.”

I grab my sandwich and peel the paper away. “Geez, can’t a girl eat first?”

“Nope. You can eat and talk. I know how limited your time is.” She unwraps her sandwich and takes a bite.

I shrug with an air of nonchalance. “There’s not much to tell. Ben and I were talking last night. I got upset, and we ended up falling asleep on the couch.”

She nods slowly as she listens, finishing with, “Mhmm.”

“What’s with the mhmm, Mom?”

“Nothing. What did you get upset about?” She takes another bite of her sandwich like she’s not waiting with bated breath for my answer.

I look down at my boots, noticing a scuff I’ll need to polish out when I get home. “I was talking to Ben about how much I’ve let Evan down since Wyatt died.” I swallow past the boulder-sized lump in my throat that seems to show up every time I think about the mistakes I’ve made. “I got overwhelmed with the amount of guilt I’m carrying about it.” Picking at the paper wrapped around my sandwich, I focus on tearing it into strips. “I burst into tears, and he comforted me and then … I don’t know what happened, I-I must have fallen asleep on him. He sat with me all night,” I murmur the last part.

Mom’s hand shoots across the table to grip mine, stopping my assault on the wrapping paper. “Oh, sweetie.” She squeezes my hand and scoots closer, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “You. Have. Been. Grieving the loss of your husband. The only man you’ve ever loved. The man you planned to grow old with. The father of your son. Your best friend.” She dips down to catch my eyes. “You have done your very best, and when you couldn’t, you’ve had people around you to fill in the gaps. Evan hasn’t been forgotten.”

“But I’ve been so selfish in my loss. I haven’t supported him the way I should have.” I beg her with my eyes to understand. “I failed him and I’ll never forgive myself.”

She sighs. “I’m going to let you in on a secret. Every single parent on this planet thinks they’ve failed their child or children for one reason or another. They focus on the mistakes they’ve made and forget to acknowledge all the things they get right every single day. It’s been like this since the dawn of time, and it will continue forever and a day.”

“But—”

She shakes her head adamantly. “No buts, Hope. You are no different from any other parent. Yes, you were deep in your grief for a long time, but you still got up every single day and cared for your son. You fed, clothed, and loved him. You made sure he spent time with friends and family. You ensure he plays sports, and you insist he spends time outside. You encourage and support him.” She rubs her hand up and down my back. “So stop this. You can’t change what’s been done. You need to start looking forward and focusing on building a future … whatever that may look like for you and Evan.”

“I’m worried I’ve screwed him up. Like he’ll have mommy issues and won’t pursue relationships because I wasn’t there for him emotionally during his formative years.” The thought that I’ve caused irreparable damage to my son crushes me under a weight I’m not sure I can carry.

Mom’s shoulders shake with a chuckle and pats my hand. “That’s every parent’s nightmare, Hope. He’ll be fine, but if you’re worried, why don’t you have a chat with him about all of this, and if you still think there’s an issue, you can always take him to counseling.” She sighs dramatically. “Keep in mind that losing his fatherwillhave a long-term impact on him. Of course it will. Nobody can deny that. But be logical and reasonable about how much blame you take for that impact.”

I understand what she’s saying. She’s more experienced with parenting than I am. She raised two kids and has helped raise my son too. But none of us grew up experiencing the same loss that Evan has, and I worry myself sick that the damage will be too much. But she’s right, I should talk with him about it and get him help if he needs it.

She studies me closely. “I’ve seen a drastic change in him since Ben came on the scene. I think he’s been good for Evan.” She pauses and clears her throat. “And maybe he’ll be good for you too … if you let him.”

IfI let him.

To let him be good for me, I have to let go of my grief—and the promise I made to love Wyatt forever.

36

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