Page 75 of Everlasting Promises

I’m too broken and there are too many jagged shards.

“L-l-let m-m-e g-g-o,” I stutter and, keeping my face averted, drop my hands to his chest to push away.

His hands tighten. Then, a moment later, he releases me. I shuffle back and, with shaky legs, climb to my feet. Spinning away from him, I race upstairs to my bedroom and close myself inside. Drowning in guilt and disgust with myself, I slide down the door until my butt lands on the carpet.

What did I just do?

34

HOPE

Draggingmy feet close to my butt, I wrap my arms around my legs and drop my head to my knees and fall apart. Tears fall in thick streams, and I’m certain they’ll never stop.

A light knock sounds against my door, and I jolt. “Hope?” Using the back of my hand, I wipe away the mess from beneath my nose. “Can we talk? I need to go home to get ready for work, but I can’t leave you like this.”

Like a coward, I answer through the door. “I’m sorry, Ben. I sh-shouldn’t have gotten so carried away. I … I’m a mess and I-I-I’m not ready.”

A heavy thunk vibrates through the wood and I imagine him dropping his head against the door in frustration. “I think you’re more ready than you realize, but I won’t push you. We can go at your pace. I just need to check on you before I go. I won’t be able to concentrate today if I don’t see you before I leave. I’ll feel like an asshole if I leave now.”

He could never be an asshole, and I don’t want him to leave here feeling guilty because of whatIdid … because of howIfell apart.

I draw in a breath for fortification and climb to my feet, shakily crossing the short distance to my dresser for some tissues. I wipe my face the best I can, hopefully cleaning up the worst of the mess, then I open the door a little.

My breath stalls in my lungs at the understanding and concern I see written all over his handsome face and when my eyes finally meet his, I drown in the guilt I see there. I feel like a psychotic bitch—one minute I’m hot, the next I’m cold. I’m surprised the poor guy doesn’t have whiplash.

Opening the door wider, I dart forward and wrap my arms around him, pressing my cheek to his chest—feeling his heart thudding heavily. So vital. So alive. Sohere. “I’ll be okay.”

His arms wrap around me, and I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head. “I hate leaving you like this, but I can’t be late for work.” He looks down at me. “I’m so sorry, Cookie. I should have stopped before things got out of hand.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” I pull away so I can look up at him. I’m certain I look a mess, and my eyes are red and puffy, but he looks at me like I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. “That was all me and I’m sorry you have to deal with my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine.”

He smiles sadly as he strokes the hair away from my face, then rests his thumb on my lips. “You’re much sexier than Jekyll or Hyde.” Leaning forward, he presses a kiss to my forehead, and my eyes drop closed at his gentleness. “I’m sorry I have to go.”

I shake my head. “Don’t be sorry. You have to get ready for work, so do I, and I’m sure Evan will be home any minute with Mom to get ready for school.”

His eyes widen slightly. “Shit. I should get outta here before he comes home. I don’t want to confuse him.”

The front door bangs open and sneakers squeak on the timber floor, followed by the sound of Mom’s boots. Our eyes widen at the same time.

“Why is Ben’s truck still parked in the street?” Evan’s voice bounces up the stairs and my panic rises.

Mom makes a scoffing sound. “I don’t think that’s Ben’s truck.”

“But it is. I’m sure of it,” my son insists. He’s familiar with Ben’s truck, so I have no doubt he saw it parked across the road in the same place it was last night.

“If it is, I’m sure there’s an explanation.” She tilts her head up and her eyes land on me and Ben. Her smile is instant and obnoxious as she urges Evan toward the kitchen. “Now, go and make your breakfast.”

“I wanna say hi to Mom first.”

“She’s probably in the shower. You can say hello when she comes downstairs.” She gives him a little push. “Now scoot.”

As soon as Evan’s out of sight, Ben leans forward and presses a delicate kiss to my cheek. “I’m sorry about all of this, Cookie.” His eyes lock onto mine, begging me to understand, but there’s nothing to understand. “I feel like an asshole.”

With my heart pounding in my chest like I’ve been caught breaking curfew, I push him toward the stairs with urgency. “You’re not an asshole. You wouldn’t know how to be. None of it was your fault.” I widen my eyes. “But you have to go before Evan sees you,” I whisper.

He kisses me one more time, and my cheeks flush, then he lightly races down the stairs, and passes Mom, saying hello and goodbye in a single murmured breath. He shoots out the front door, as silent as a ninja, and Mom’s eyes snap back to me, her eyebrows resting halfway up her forehead.

She walks to the bottom of the steps and points at me. “I’m going to let this go for now because there are little ears around, but youwillhave lunch with me today. No excuses.”

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