Page 40 of Everlasting Promises

I nod, then lick my lips. “I sorta don’t know where to start, but last night I had a sexy dream about Wyatt and me.” The girls grin and wiggle their eyebrows up and down.

“Oh, I like the sound of this,” Sophie adds as she leans her hip against the counter, getting more comfortable.

“It’s not like I haven’t had them before, you know … but this time it was different.”

“Good different or bad different?” Lucy asks.

“Bad different.” I scrubbed my body so hard in the shower this morning because I felt so dirty. I’m surprised I didn’t take off a layer of skin.

They move in a little closer, worry shrouding their features. “What happened, hon?”

“Well, Wyatt made me … you know … with his mouth and fingers”—my neck heats like it’s sunburned—“but when I looked down, it wasBenlooking up at me.”

Lucy’s mouth drops open, but it’s Savannah that speaks. “Ben? The cop who brought Evan home?”

I nod.

Their eyebrows shoot up, and it would almost be comical if I weren’t so distressed by the events of last night. “I … I think it’s because we spent a lot of time together on Saturday. After he bought us lunch, I offered to cut his hair at my place, and then one thing led to another and he ended up staying for dinner. Then, we watched a movie with Evan, and I couldn’t help but notice how fantastic he smelled and how soft his hair is. Oh, and he has really nice arms and a tight butt. He smiles really nice, and his gray eyes have this amber color close to the pupils.” I point to my eye, unable to stop the word vomit, and while the girls appear shocked, I’m drowning in embarrassment. “Now I feel like I cheated on Wyatt because I had a sex dream about another man,” I rush to add.

“You cut his hair?” Lucy clarifies with wide eyes. “At your house?”

I nod. “Well, he’d bought us lunch after Evan and I stayed behind at the shelter to help him bathe the dogs. He kept brushing his hair away from his face, and I … well, I thought it was the least I could do. He’s been amazing with Evan. Ben’s so kind and he’s been so compassionate and understanding. And then Evan wanted me to cut his hair in the same style as Ben’s.” Their eyes soften. “And he read a couple of Evan’s stories and made a big fuss about how well-written they are, and it was close to dinnertime by the time he finished.” I shake my head as I remember how eager Evan was to continue spending time with Ben. “Evan didn’t want to let him go, so he asked if he could stay for dinner. It’s like he’s so desperate for a man’s attention … andBen’s more than happy to give it to him. I couldn’t say no.” I draw in a long breath. That was a lot to get off my chest.

“And then you dreamed about him last night?” Savannah asks softly.

I nod slowly, my tongue too tangled to let any more words come out.

“Well, I think it’s completely normal,” Sophie says with confidence. “He’s spending time with your son, who you love to pieces, and it’s making him happy, which makes you happy. I think it’s to be expected that he’ll morph into other areas of your thoughts and psyche.” She rubs her hand across my shoulder. “He’s the first guy that you’ve spent any time with since you lost Wyatt.”

“Shane used to come around a lot. Did you ever have dreams about him?” Lucy asks, then takes a sip of her coffee like the question she asked wasn’t a bombshell.

I shake my head. “Nope. I know he’s handsome, but he’s been nothing more than Wyatt’s friend helping us out. I’ve never … uh … never felt that way about him.” I swallow the boulder in my throat, cursing my suddenly dry mouth. “I … uh … find Ben incredibly attractive. And the way he treats Evan is so appealing.” My eyes burn, and my nose tingles. My stomach free falls with my confession, and I cover my face with my hands.

“Awww, hon. This was bound to happen at some point,” Savannah sympathizes as she tugs me in for a hug.

“But I promised Wyatt forever. I shouldn’t find anyone attractive. I shouldn’t have sexy dreams about a man who isn’t my husband. It’s not right.” I wrap my arms around my middle.

Savannah studies me closely with deep creases between her brows. “Do you honestly believe Wyatt would want you and Evan to be alone for the rest of your life?”

“I promised him.”

“Until death, Hope,” Lucy murmurs.

“Yeah, well, I’m not dead,” I snap.

The girls roll their eyes, and I feel their patience slipping away. “You’re being ridiculous now. We know how much you love Wyatt, but there’s no way he would hold you to that promise now that he’s no longer here,” Lucy tells me. “He would want you to find someone to love you and Evan. Someone to look after you both and make you happy.”

Logically, I know they’re right. But my heart doesn’t work on logic.

“Let me put it to you this way. If you passed away and Wyatt was left behind, would you want him to stay true to his promises to you?” Savannah asks.

I open my mouth but immediately slam it closed as my mind wars between wanting him to stay true to me but also wanting him to be happy.

Wyatt was always emotionally stunted, and he wouldn’t be able to give Evan the softer love and support he needs to thrive. Evan would need a woman around to give him that softness. He missed a lot of Evan’s early years because of his deployments and they would have almost been strangers if Wyatt had to leave the army to care for our son—ifhe chose to leave. The army was his life.

As much as I hate the idea of another woman sharing Wyatt’s bed, I would rather he be happy and Evan looked after. Tears well behind my eyes and the ache in my heart becomes unbearable at the realization. Sharp claws dig at my battered soul, and I cover my face with shaky hands as the tears fall, my shoulders shuddering with each agonizing sob that breaks free.

The girls surround me, wrapping me in their embrace and holding me tight. My knees weaken and my body shakes, but I stay standing as my friends offer me their love and support.

---