Page 25 of Everlasting Promises

Standing, I collect the dishes. “Ev, we should head home. I’m sure Ben has stuff to do, and so do we.”

Evan’s smile disappears, but I pretend I don’t notice. We can’t hang out here all afternoon.

Ben drops his large hand to my forearm, and I freeze in place, lowering my eyes and noticing the differences between us. Where my complexion is fair, he has a gorgeous tan. Where my fingers are long and slender, his are thick. Once he has my attention, he removes his hand, and the seized air in my lungs escapes.

“Leave all of this. I can do it. I don’t have plans other than laundry. Rex and I usually take it easy on the weekends when I don’t work.”

I raise my chin. “I insist. It won’t take five minutes, and then we’ll be out of your hair.”

He must recognize my determination in the stubborn way I’m holding my chin, because he nods and then helps me carry everything inside. I search for rubber gloves, but come up empty. “What are you looking for?”

“Uh, dishwashing gloves?”

“Sorry, I don’t have any. I can wash the dishes.”

Dishwashing detergent is terrible for my hands and nails, but I can suck it up this once. “That’s okay. I can do it.” I quickly wash the dishes and set the kitchen right to the best of my ability without knowing where everything goes. When I spin to face the kitchen, Ben is bent over, returning the grill pan to the cupboard, and my eyes automatically drop to his firm backside.

What the hell is wrong with me today?

It’s like my eyes have a mind of their own. I snap my gaze away and swallow guiltily.

“Thanks so much for this morning and for lunch. Evan had a wonderful time, and it’s been fantastic to see him so happy.” I wipe my suddenly clammy hands on the cotton covering my thighs.

“It was my pleasure.” He pauses a moment, his intelligent gray eyes studying me. “How about you?” He tilts his head to the side a little, as though my answer is the most important thing in the world.

My lips tip up in a way I’ve perfected to show the outside world I’m fine. Inside, I’m anything but. I’ve found myself appreciating another man like I didn’t make a commitment to be faithful to my husband. I’m appalled and ashamed.

“It’s been great. And when Evan’s happy, I’m happy.” Evan moves beside me, and I slide my arm around his shoulder to pull him in close and steady myself under Ben’s watchful gaze. Something tells me he doesn’t buy my act. It really has been a great day, a nice change of pace. Ben’s easy to talk to, and Evan seems to have a lot of respect for him—something he’s been lacking with Shane and me in recent months. But now guilt is settling like a lead ball in my stomach, and it’s easier to fall back into the patterns I’m more used to. I squeeze Evan’s shoulder. “It’s time to go. Say thank you to Ben, please.”

Evan thanks Ben, and we make our way out of his home and to the driveway. The heaviness that had been absent thisafternoon returns with each step as I get closer to my car—and regular life. For a few hours, I lived in the moment. I allowed myself to feel joy and justbe. Something I’ve been struggling to do.

When I release the locks on my car, Ben opens the doors for me and Ev, then stands back with his hands relaxed at his sides, drawing my attention to his thick thighs. Rex sits beside him without instruction, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

“Is it okay if I come to the shelter again?” Evan asks.

“Absolutely. I was hoping you would.” He looks down at Rex and then back at Evan. “And you can stop by anytime to play with Rex. He loved having you here today. I think he gets sick of always being stuck with me.”

“That would be so cool. Thanks, Ben.” He drops his butt onto the back seat. “See ya, Rex.” Rex almost dances on the spot, his tail wagging happily as Evan closes his door.

I shuffle my feet and look down at the grass. “Thank you for being so welcoming, but it’s probably not a good idea to give Ev an open invitation. He’ll be around here all the time. Especially since we don’t live that far away.” I chuckle, looking back up at Ben.

“I don’t mind, really. I’d love his company.” He glances at Evan in the back seat, and I figure that’s the end of the conversation, so I twist my body to climb into my car. “The invitation is open to you, too, Hope. Anytime you feel like company, you’re welcome to stop by.”

My heart stalls, and my lungs feel like they’re burning. I freeze mid-sit and my eyes must be as wide as saucers. “Th-thank you,” I stutter like a fool. “That’s very kind, but I don’t want to be a bother.” Not only that, it would be weird to seek another man’s company. “Thanks for today. Bye, Ben.” I quickly close myself inside my car where I’m safe and start the engine before he can respond.

Pulling onto the road, I wave politely through the window and blow out a long breath. My heart beats an irregular rhythm, and I tightly grip the steering wheel with clammy hands.

Evan sighs in the back, and I glance at him in my mirror. “Can we get a dog, Mom? I promise I’ll feed and walk him every day.”

So much for my theory of him getting his fix and being satisfied. “And what will the dog do all day at home by himself, Ev? Do you think that’s really fair?”

He’s quiet for a long time. “What about two dogs? They’d keep each other company,” he says, his voice filled to the brim with excitement, because in his mind, he’s solved the problem.

“We can’t have two dogs, Ev.” Guilt moves through me like a landslide. I hate saying no to him. I wish I could say yes. I wish we could go back toThe Paw Palaceand get one of those cute puppies we played with today, but I have to be the realistic one in this situation.

It’s lonely being the only adult in the house. Every decision lands on my shoulders. I don’t have anyone to share the load or to take turns being the mean parent. I’malwaysthe mean parent. It’s exhausting, and it’s not how things were supposed to be.

12

---